Anyone who has read my articles and books know that I am the last person to encourage anyone to try to win back the love of an ex who is in a relationship that they've always wanted (and never had with you) and are happy and fulfilled in that relationship. It's a painful losing battle from get go -- for all concerned.
But what if your ex is not in that kind of relationship, he or she may be seeing someone new but is "loosely" attached, does it make sense to wait 3 - 6 months before you try to get back your ex because of the stupid "no contact" rule?
In today's fast-paced information-packed society, memories fade much too quickly for so many people…
Every once in a while your ex will hear something...see something… or something happens to remind him or her of you but if those memories become far and far apart with the passage of time they tend to fade, get distorted, or even die, are buried, and are forgotten. And they seem to even fade faster when there is somebody else in your ex's life who is creating new memories that are replacing memories of you.
Before the good memories fade away...
And before you go rushing to get your ex back because you think you'll be forgotten, here is a reality check: Your ex broke up with you for a reason.
I have said this in many of my articles, there is one thing that is common to all of us human beings of all races, cultures, backgrounds and ages, and that is that people fall in love for many reasons including with someone who is smart, beautiful, nice, caring, rich, charismatic, successful, good friend etc. but that is NOT what makes them want to stay in a relationship. People stay in relationships because of how THEY FEEL ABOUT THEMSELVES WHEN WITH ANOTHER PERSON.
It all boils down to the emotions and feelings, and memories have high emotions attached to them. Let me say it in another way: memories are "foot prints" of strong feelings and emotions. Those "foot prints" on the shallow sand on the sea shore fade faster with just a little wind; those "foot prints" on the soft lava from a melt down of pure love solidify into footprints on a rock and can last a lifetime; but those "foot prints" in the thick mud in a cold-frozen caves of the heart are the hardest to see and often the hardest to forget.
For example if the memory of you makes your ex feel anger about something you said or did; or if the memory of you brings with it a sense of inadequacy because of your being overly critical and demanding; or if the memory of you makes your ex feel stressed because you are so needy, jealousy or controlling - whenever your ex thinks of you the feelings attached to that memory pop up.
It is these associations that make someone who may even still have very strong feelings for you feel reluctant and even unwilling to get back into a relationship with you.
Isn't it time to re-new your relationship with your ex?
Note that the word here is "re-new" not fix or repair. It's much harder to fix or repair a relationship that is broken because that means trying to erase the bad memories which tend to stay much longer than the good ones. And there is no guarantee that a band-aid fix will hold.
Renew (restart, rekindle, regenerate, revitalize, rejuvenate, refresh, recharge etc) on the other hand has an element of something fresh, something extra, something different or something up to date -- and that is exactly what that other "new" person is offering your ex.
You can't compete with the "new" unless you are offering something "new" yourself. That means that it all comes round to how fast you can make yourself a "new" person and compete from a place of personal strength, confidence and self-love. There is no way round it, YOU'VE GOT TO CHANGE TO A BETTER YOU to attract back your ex. Most people fear change so much (even when deep inside that's what they want), and that keeps them in their misery. Fear and love can't share the same heart.
It's not enough to just learn from bad experiences it's crucial that you know how to create new positive memories that will make your ex FEEL GOOD about him or herself when with you and which will in turn make him or her want to come back into the relationship and stay in it.
The longer you wait, the more memories your ex creates with some other person and the harder it will be for you to be back with him or her.
If you are serious about getting back your ex, you might want to check out my e-Book: Dating Your Ex - What You Can Do Tonight, Tomorrow And The Next Day To Get Your Ex Back.
About Author: Internationally renowned Dating & Relationships Coach, Christine Akiteng has devoted years of her life re-uniting couples and has seen over and over again first hand what works. She has woven together solid-gold advice on just about every stage of getting back together with your ex to help you make the process less scary and shaky and more exciting and smooth as possible.
Christine's main website: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
tweet this!