Yes, I realize the title of this newsletter can be read in at least two different ways. I'm still cracking up over that, actually.
Chalk that one up to that pet peeve of mine regarding how diamonds are marketed so heavily anytime there's a holiday around. You know, I might feel like an insufficient dweeb this Valentine's Day had I not dropped a two-carat rock on Emily for Groundhog Day over the weekend.
Not.
But let's backtrack a bit. The de rigueur attitude among stylish "dating gurus" these days tends to be to blast Valentine's Day and everything it stands for with every bit of raw firepower the arsenal can support.
Me? I'm sort of on the fence.
Here's the deal. Valentine's Day can flat-out ROCK, but ONLY if you are in a steady relationship. And only if that's a HAPPY, FULFILLING relationship. And ONLY if your significant other isn't, well, a "user" who packs a smokin' "entitlement-ality".
And ONLY if you are in the particularly hazardous habit of depending on a calendar to tell you when it's time to stoke things up with some extra passion and romance.
Generously speaking, for better or worse I'd say the two paragraphs above work in tandem to cover a grand total of about ten percent of the population...max.
The rest of us are left with a major crater in our schedule that has to be filled. Either that, or the opposite--a massive OBSTACLE that must be overcome.
What do I mean?
Well, obviously, anyone who is dateless on (or around) Valentine's Day is likely pouring mostly imagined social pressure on him or (especially) herself. That's obvious.
But even people who are living wildly successful dating lives are faced with a potentially serious plot complication around February 14th if they are dating several people at the same time.
Ever thought about that one?
It seems inevitable that a LOT of money is going to have to be spent. Worse, your hierarchy of "favorites" could be exposed to the cold scrutiny of everyone involved.
We're on record around here as being full supporters of dating more than one person at once. Life is too short to let serial exclusivity run its course one person at a time.
The goal is to deserve what one wants, which involves PRACTICE and indeed a solid level of experience in evaluating what one wants in a potential long-term relationship.
But the fact remains that one's priorities will show through (since we're in the Valentine's spirit) like a red thong under a white skirt.
So how can this issue be dealt with effectively?
Well, you could tell everyone involved that you're going to "just say no" to Valentine's Day this year. Hey, it has been done before. But I'll tell you straight-up that those who you are dating will ALL feel de-prioritized by that pronouncement. Somehow, that you would be bypassing V-day altogether is just hard to believe for most MOTOS.
What you CAN do, however, is set expectations (especially with people you haven't been dating for very long) that there's no pressure to spend lots of money. Hey, if you've got extra ca$h to drop and can pull off doing so without coming off as a needy approval-seeker, go for it.
But for the rest of us, this simple matter of clear communication makes much more sense. Most will be relieved by this notion-especially if they're dating others also. If they throw a fit, you're dating the wrong people anyway...right?
Or you could just leave town for a few days late next week.
All of that said, I have to tell you something else though. Good fortune has smiled upon you.
V-day falls on a Thursday this year.
This means you can theoretically go out Thursday, Friday AND Saturday (afternoon and evening, even) and still show a number of those whom you are dating that you've reserved "quality time" with them in which to celebrate Valentine's Day. Push it to Sunday and that "number" can be as many as six (or more).
Buy cards. Better yet, be creative. I know one guy who even bought the pack of valentines the elementary school kids use and handed them out . Classic.
Dating lots of people can be crazy, huh? But such times are to be enjoyed, not stressed over.
So save the money and focus on enjoying the company of the MOTOS you've been hanging out with lately.
And what of the other problem?
You know, the "dateless" one.
Well, have I got a solution for you. (What, did you think I was going to leave you hanging? Not a chance.)
The first order of business is to get outside of your own head, stop being self-conscious about it and realize that 95% OF THE REST OF US are gripping about Valentine's Day also.
Guys, women everywhere are absolutely sparking with nervous energy over whether they'll have a date on Valentine's Day or not. There is probably no other time of year that women are MORE APPROACHABLE than RIGHT NOW, at about a week to ten days out from V-day.
Nowhere is this MORE evident than ONLINE.
When I was at the peak of my online dating action, I was FLOORED by how women would become MUCH more direct around Valentine's Day.
I'd get more messages from women than usual.
Women who had dropped off the map would suddenly write or call out of nowhere.
And women I wrote to would not only RESPOND even more often than usual, they wanted to CUT TO THE CHASE more quickly also.
It wasn't at all uncommon for women to want to bypass e-mail and lengthy phone conversations. They just wanted to maximize their chances at meeting a guy and hopefully not sitting home alone on Valentine's Day.
And mind you, these women were often the PARTICULARLY ATTRACTIVE ones. The self-imposed pressure, ironically enough, seems to be EVEN HIGHER the more attractive the women are.
I'll tell you what. If that isn't a MASSIVELY VALUABLE enough secret for you, here's ANOTHER: If you think the week BEFORE V-day is a bonanza, you haven't seen ANYTHING yet.
The week AFTER Valentine's Day is arguably the most primo opportunity you are going to get ALL YEAR LONG to get dates with AMAZING women.
Why?
Well, if they DIDN'T get a date for Valentine's Day, the weight is immense. They feel left out...like they MISSED out.
Plus, there's no longer any SOCIAL PRESSURE to spend money or go through the trappings of the holiday.
Seriously, guys. The NEXT TWO WEEKS OF YOUR LIFE are absolutely MISSION CRITICAL if you have "online dating" written anywhere on your radar screen.
It's time for YOU to step up and be that very guy women might MISS OUT ON if they don't meet you between now and the 14th.
Scot McKay is a character-based dating and seduction coach, online dating consultant, talk show host and founder of X & Y Communications. He lives in San Antonio, TX with his wife and co-conspirator Emily (whom he met online), three kids and two hairless terriers. You can find lots more from Scot on his website at http://www.dating-advice.us where you can sign up for his popular weekly newsletter and get free stuff...including audio podcasts and videos. His blog is found at http://www.edumckaytion.com/blog.
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