Today someone told me that I am a really open person. This was in response to a conversation we were having about my views on interracial relationships, cultures different from my own, people from different religions and my work. Being in the field of international education certainly exposes me to many people from various walks of life, different customs and cultures, religions, political beliefs and values. Perhaps I was attracted to that field precisely because of my openness.
Today I believe my friend was talking about something deeper than being an open person and that is acceptance: acceptance and a willingness to embrace people different from me, to listen to their point of view, to consider a different way of thinking and to be respectful in the process. I'm referring to acceptance of people as human beings, and not defined by gender, race, nationality, ethnic group, sexual orientation, social or economic class, or whatever label you choose to give someone.
As children growing up, we are "in training" in the development of who we are as persons, what we believe and stand for, and what we value. (In my opinion, this makes parenting the most important job that anyone can ever have. The second most important, in my view, are teachers.) Children depend upon their parents and other adults to teach them and model behaviors and values that lead us to being successful, well-adjusted adults. As children, we certainly don't have too many choices about the beliefs and exposure to various points of views and to having an open mind unless the influential adults in our lives encourage us to do so. The rules of life are "taught" to us by our parents, other family, school, peers, our religious community or by anyone or anything that is a significant influential factor in our lives. That influence may even be television, music, cell phones and certainly the Internet.
As adults, we always have a choice about being an open person although some people choose not to exercise it. We can choose to look at a person or situation or issue differently. We can decide to have an open mind. I choose to have an open mind. I choose to accept people with different views than my own. This doesn't mean that they will become my friends, but I choose to accept them anyway. I choose to read whatever interests me. Sometimes I read controversial pieces that I totally don't agree with, yet the choice is mine to read them so I can gain an insight into that world. I don't have to agree with it, but I respect people's rights to be read and heard, as long as it doesn't harm anyone: that is where I draw my line. (I admit that this line is often fuzzy.)
Having an open mind is so important to understanding one another. I've seen my share of closed minds, of people who are so adamant that their belief is the only way to think, that no matter what anyone says or does, they will not budge an inch to consider another point of view. Too often we are conditioned to grow up with the idea that our way is the only way. In the United States, we even see this expressed in two very common perceptions in the "America: Love It or Leave It" mentalities, and with our individualistic values of "Anyone can make it if they try hard enough."
The problem with these dualistic types of thinking and these "black or white" choices is that there is always a whole lot of gray in the middle and a lot of other colors in the palette! Life is not that simple. Think about it. Have you ever found that you've had to defend yourself in a situation where someone has judged you for something they think you did, yet you know that wasn't how it happened? I am sure most people can relate to this at some point in their lives. The reality is that there is no reality: only our perceptions about what we think the reality is. And our perceptions are based on our values, our culture, and our past experiences that make us "filter" the information in our own way.
As human beings, we all know what it is like to eat and sleep, yet if I were to ask you to describe what we should eat and how much sleep we should get each night, our responses will be very different. We will have all kinds of opinions on this and doctors will also give varying opinions. This is just a simple example of eating and sleeping, a rather non-controversial topic. Just think about if I were talking about abortion, gay rights, or immigration!
One thing I have learned from my work is not to assume that people all have the same perception about the simplest of things. What is an accepted rule of society in one culture may be interpreted as rude or offensive in another. The cultural differences are many in the realm of non-verbal communication such as personal space, style of dress or eye contact, and even more complex are the differences according to context. Do the rules of behavior change if a bride-to-be is meeting her future in-laws, a professional is going for a job interview, or when a person is entering a holy ground? Of course they do and the "rules" of politeness and what is considered acceptable for that culture in different contexts are not always universal, yet often we assume them to be. People know what they learn, even when they are not aware of it. Often times it is when someone is faced with a culture or situation different than their own that one realizes that differences do indeed exist.
So the challenge for me in my work is to figure out where people are at, accepting them right where they are, and then help to create experiences that will open them up to experiencing new ideas and viewpoints which will serve them in their cross-cultural adjustment. A necessary component in all of this is a self-evaluation of the habits, customs, beliefs, behaviors and values of oneself. Knowing, accepting and loving yourself is crucial to knowing, accepting and loving others.
So it is in this spirit that I ask you: Do you know and accept yourself? What preconceived notions do you have about certain people, places or experiences that prevent you from opening up your heart in acceptance of them? Might you grow by opening the door just a crack? You never know: you may just make a new friend!
Barbara A. Clark has been a professional in higher education for over 25 years. She holds a Master's degree in Counseling from the University of Iowa and completed all course requirements for a Ph.D in International Comparative Education before several life-changing events interrupted her studies. It was during the interruption that Barbara discovered her passion for service to the world through love and intention. She is passionate about her new journey as "The Spirited Strider," serving the world in love, one step at a time. Barbara is a writer, educator, speaker, counselor and coach, specializing in the law of attraction and EFT techniques, and is an accomplished cross-cultural trainer.
» left by James P Krehbiel(1,434) James P Krehbiel (297 days 23 hours ago.)
Barbara,
How refreshing. Many are afraid to be open-minded because they think that it might taint their perspective. They want to hang on to their beliefs whether they make sense or not. Nicely done. As Allan Watts said, "We must be open to the truth wherever it may be found." Be well Respond to this comment
» left by Barbara Clark(479) Barbara Clark (297 days 22 hours ago.)
James, I guess people hang on to their beliefs and positions out of fear of the unknown, feeling that they will lose "control," when they are really missing out by not allowing it in. Thanks for the encouraging comments! Respond to this comment
"To meditate is to study the self (thoughts and emotions). To study the self is to get to know the self. To know the self is to forget about the self. To forget about the self is to become enlightenend."
And of course when you forget about your self, there is self effacment and true humility rather than hard opinions and conceit, because when you study the self, the mind realizes that the self exists, but is not real, merely a fantasy. Many people, I fear, instead of studying their own selves, criticize and judge others to build and prop up their own insecure, illusory selves, because studying oneself requires a mature mind -- an old soul, so to speak.
Very nicely written, Barbara. BTW, if you answer each comment from "Add New Comment" you will lower your rating for each article. (1 rating at 5 stars + your comment at NO stars=2.5 rating) If you "respond" by clicking on the little blue line after each comment, you will not lower your article's rating! (I did it wrong for a while before someone told me, so I'm passing it on to you!)
Editors Note: The above advice is not correct. We do prefer you respond by clicking "respond to comment", but the ratings left of the comments do not change your articles overall rating.
» left by Suzi Gravenstuk(108) Suzi Gravenstuk (296 days 3 hours ago.)
Barbara, I stepped by your corner because you got my attention by visiting me. So, thank you and I'm glad I stopped by. SearchWarp is blessed with some of the greatest writers and thinkers of our era.
"So it is in this spirit that I ask you: Do you know and accept yourself?" is the best question.
I rarely encounter racial or culteral prejudice myself--I think people no better than to go there in my presence:-) . What really riles me is blanket statements such as: All REALTORS..., ALL BUYERS are..., All lenders...
In my opinion, blanket statements about groups of people should be illegal. (Other than SearchWarp writers are the best of course (Then again... maybe not ALL) :-) Respond to this comment
» left by Barbara Clark(479) Barbara Clark (295 days 21 hours ago.)
Suzi, Thanks so much for stopping by. I appreciate your feedback. (I don't know about passing a "law" here on SearchWarp, though! :) ) Barbara Respond to this comment
» left by Teresa Ortiz(4,920) Teresa Ortiz (296 days 1 hour ago.)
Hi Barbara, very well said. I think that we can have convictions of our own and not condemn others. We can have the best of both worlds when it comes to peace if we would just respect each others convictions. Thanks for the reminder-now if we would all listen, it just might make a difference :-) I love your writing style - I'll be reading more of you. Respond to this comment
» left by Barbara Clark(479) Barbara Clark (295 days 21 hours ago.)
Teresa, Thank you so much for your kind, encouraging words. I appreciate it very much. Barbara Respond to this comment
» left by Avis Ward(13,214) Avis Ward (295 days 7 hours ago.)
Barbara, I'm in agreement with all the others who posted comments. "Having an open mind is so important to understanding one another. " And, "Knowing, accepting and loving yourself is crucial to knowing, accepting and loving others." This is an excellent article that should be required reading in classrooms and homes. What it does it reflects just how loving you are. I do not downplay it's a mindset but first and foremost, it's a heartset. Yours is set to being loving and lovable! Happy a Happy Valentine's Day!
» left by Barbara Clark(479) Barbara Clark (294 days 2 hours ago.)
Avis, I am touched by your heartfelt comments. Thank you and Happy Valentine's Day to you, too! Respond to this comment
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