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“Judi, I need a really big favor — can Jess stay over one
more night?"
“Of course, Melanie. ‘Anything wrong?"
“Yes – no, I mean, there’s so much going on and I can’t
explain, but I need to know that Jess is safe tonight."
“Mel—“
“I can’t talk, Judi. Yes or no."
“Of course, but —.“ Dial tone. The phone goes dead.
Half exhausted from my daughter’s slumber party, I walk
toward my daughter’s bedroom and glance at the four “sleeping beauties"
sprawled across the floor. It’s 7:00 am and the girls finally have surrendered to sleep. Shelley’s snoring.
Meagan’s snoring. Laura’s snoring and shamelessly slouched over three sleeping
bags. And then there’s Jessica. Unlike the other girls, Jessica’s face looks
pensive and tense.
I carefully lean down between the girls and quietly study
the child. My eyes begin to tear as I watch her sob in her sleep. I gently
caress her dark head and notice a crinkled piece of paper by her side. I pick
it up and read it.
“Dear God,
Please make my daddy stop taking drugs. It makes mommy and
me so sad. I don’t know how to make mommy happy anymore and she cries everyday.
Please God I need a miracle because daddy is going to die if you don’t help us.
Please God help us.
Love,
Jessica
Upon reading this desperate child’s prayer, I retreat to my
bedroom and dial her mom.
“Melanie, Judi. Can you talk?"
“Yes — is Jess alright?"
“Yes, Melanie, she’s fine but…."
Anger replaces my mood as Melanie explains that her husband,
a once successful contractor in Myrtle Beach, had begun “mixing" with “the
wrong people" and is now a meth addict. Having had been arrested the previous
evening, Melanie is planning to bail him out with their mortgage money.
“Melanie, don’t bail him out; he’s got to want to get off
of drugs – you can’t rescue him!"
“You don’t understand — Jess needs her father!"
“You don’t understand,
Melanie. Jess doesn’t need her father on drugs! I understand addiction and you are not helping by
rescuing him. My brother-in-law committed suicide because of drugs and my
nephew is facing prison for manufacturing drugs. You need to protect
your daughter right now – not your husband!"
Dial tone; she hung up. My thoughts are interrupted as Laura
groggily walks into the room. Sheepishly rubbing her eyes, she asks, “Mommy is
everything alright?"
“Yes, angel baby, everything’s alright." Crawling on my lap,
I tightly hug my daughter and rock her gently back to sleep as I silently pray.
***
Unfortunately, Jessica is not
alone; there are many children just like her. According to statistics, it is
estimated that every elementary classroom in America has at least three
children whose parents are addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. In many cases,
those same children become addicted themselves when they grow up.
Common Characteristic
Traits Of A Child Of An Addictive Parent
Children often react to
parents on drugs in different ways. They may:
1.
try to be very good to please the parent
2.
try to work extra hard at school to avoid the problems at home
3.
try to avoid going home, perhaps spending a lot of time with
friends
4.
have behavior problems so
that attention goes to the child and not the parents' problem
5.
try to harm themselves or act in ways that harm themselves (be
careless with their own safety)
6.
become withdrawn and perhaps
get overlooked
- act
as a clown to draw attention from the parent.
How Do You Tell If Your
Spouse Or Partner Is Taking Drugs?
People who are on drugs often deny
being on drugs. They may make excuses for their behavior or blame it on other
things. If you suspect someone in your family is on drugs, following are some
of the signs of drug use:
Tranquillizer
Behavior: relaxed, not inhibited
Symptom
of Withdrawal: panic attacks, anxious,
hallucinations
Heroin
Behavior: relaxed, drowsy
Symptom
of Withdrawal: anxious, jumpy, secretes
mucous
Amphetamines
Behavior: increased
energy, delays fatigue
Symptom
of Withdrawal: deep depression, slow and
tired
Marijuana
Behavior: slower reflexes, less coordinated
Symptom
of Withdrawal: anxious, difficulty
sleeping
Cocaine
Behavior: increased energy, delays fatigue
Symptom
of Withdrawal: deep depression, slow and
tired
Always, Always, Keep All Lines Of Communication
Open With Your Child
It is our responsibility to protect and create a safe
haven for our children. Below, are some basic steps to begin the healing
process towards keeping your child/children safe. As scary as it is, it is
important not to live in denial!
·
Help your child to learn what alcohol and misuse means.
Tell him/her how the body reacts to substance abuse influences emotions and the
family. Talk about memory gaps and relapses - as objectively as possible.
·
Explain to your child that it never is the their fault
that the adult drinks or abuses drugs.
·
Give your child permission to react. Try to put up with
your child's anger, sorrow and disappointment. Explain that these are
reasonable reactions to an unreasonable situation. If
you are the sober partner, also give the child permission to react to you.
·
Try to permit your child to
tell others how the situation is at home. It is good for everybody to have
someone to talk to. Help the child to get in contact with other children who
live in misuse families.
Substance abuse within families is
an epidemic that can be extremely painful. It can seem like a lot to request
from a parent who lives in the middle of misuse, but it is important, for the
safety of your children, that you do your best. If you suspect your spouse or
partner is a substance abuser, seek out help immediately. For further information, go to:
http://www.nacoa.net/kidspage.htm or call: 888-55-4COAS. |
