There is a new weight loss pill on the market and it appears to take the cake with its explanation of possible side effects.
We have all been scared to death by the required, quickly spoken potential risks from pills on television commercials. The first half of the commercial is a slow explanation of how something will make you feel better and happier if you take it. The second half of the commercial is a fast talking man telling you all the possible bad things that could happen including dogs and cats wanting to mate with you. The commercial always ends with the standard,"Consult a team of physicians before you start this or any drug." It all makes a person feel lucky to keep what they currently have wrong with them doesn't it.
This truth in medicines is a good thing but I believe this time a company copywriter might have taken possible adverse reactions to a medicine and made them even scarier if not down right funny to potential customers.
The drug is called "Alli" and I am quite certain the manufacturers of this weight loss pill are on the up and up. Unlike some charlatans, they do not guarantee someone taking the pills and then cleaning out a vat of fried chicken at a smorgasbord will lose weight. They claim this pill will help someone who is trying to diet to lose weight easier. The side effects seem to prove that will no doubt happen since whatever you eat with the pill might want to come back out immediately. The potential unfriendly ramifications of using the pills might cause embarrassment to the user but I believe the "Alli" people have done a great job at embarrassing themselves.
Now the "Alli" website doesn't explain possible problems right on their front page nor in the store advertising. The reason is that they no doubt believe the possibility that a person will contract "the slides" isn't something they wish to brag about.
An extensive delving into the product's website does come up with these jewels of warnings for users. "Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work."
It appears that "Alli" manufacturers are telling you, like Jack Nicholson did in the recent movie "Bucket List", to never trust a fart.
They must think this is a real possible problem because the warning continues, "You may not usually get gassy, but it's a possibility when you take "Alli". The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens." Really? I would have imagined a wedding or graduation would be the place to go when one starts having rogue bowel movements. I can just see a dad walking his daughter down the aisle when the "Alli" starts kicking in. Rather than sprinkling rose petals, maybe someone can spread some kitty litter around to make sure dad and the bride don't slip and fall in last night's rehearsal dinner meal. Hopefully dad took the company's advice and rented a black tuxedo.
For those of you who have one, perhaps a visit to an ex-spouse's home is now currying favor in your minds right after you take this pill.
Now the following is another quote from the "Alli" website that even I couldn't have come up with. In describing the incontinence potential, the company shows they might have a tad of Italian heritage in their makeup when explaining the discharge. "In fact, you may recognize it in the toilet as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza".
You know, I love it when other people write my jokes for me.
Freelance writer, columnist, author and writing coach, ex-Chicagoan Mike Fak presently resides in Central Illinois. More information about Mike's services are available at his home website www.mikefak.com
Mike currently writes primarily humor columns for searchwarp bi-weekly and is the managing editor of www.lincolndailynews.com
Mike now offers a 26,000 word e-book on making money as a freelance writer for only $10.00 at this page. http://www.mikefak.com/id45.html
» left by Dianne Lehmann(4,737) Dianne Lehmann (1 year 135 days ago.)
First off, I don't think that the lists of possible side effects scare people nearly enough. And second, I've always had serious doubts about anything that stops your body from performing a normal function; like absorbing fats from what you eat. Or producing stomach acid for that matter.
At least they are up front about the whole thing. And yes, it would be funny if it weren't so sad. Respond to this comment
» left by Mike Fak(5,864) Mike Fak (1 year 135 days ago.)
You are so right Dianne. I continue to marvel at all the products on the market that make outlandish claims. They all have infomercials of course followed by a statement by the TV station that they don't back up the claims made by a company they just took a chunk of money from who are trying to cheat the public.
Thanks for reading.
Mike Respond to this comment
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