I see on E-Bay where a man has his record store collection of vinyl albums, singles and CD's offered up for $3 million dollars. Since the collection consists of almost five million pieces I assume that's good deal. A good deal if the buyer still has an old fashioned record player, that is. Although I listen to music, I don't think I would be inclined to throw 3 really big ones at a collection of vinyl yammering. Let me explain.
In all honesty, I don't understand music anymore. Actually, I never did. I certainly didn't as a young man, because even then I realized most music was goofy. I think I was the only teenager in America who realized that "Love Me Do" by the Beatles, was a poor grammatical foray into telling a girl you have affection for her and would appreciate reciprocity if plausible.
Most music of every generation actually stinks if you look at it. In the 50's you could understand what a person was singing but the words were primarily stupid. "You Ain't Nothin but a Hound Dog" or "Splish Splash I was Takin a Bath" rests my case on that.
The 60's were full of upheaval in the country and so was the music. The music and words, usually claiming to be honked off at somebody, might have made sense, except they usually were droned out by band members enamored with their new electric guitars. The Vietnam War made many a dope smoking, song writer famous but I don't remember for sure if the songs were any good since I was sitting next to them smoking dope at the time.
The 70's and 80's brought about thousands of artists who had one good song in them, but refused to then quit while ahead. They then drowned us with album after album of pure garbage. It was during this time that the most insidious of all music genres hit the charts. Disco was king for a while just when I was at the age of wanting to hold a girl close on the dance floor but couldn't. I couldn't because everyone was lining up doing stupid gyrations together without getting within ten feet of each other. I had so many good first lines to tell a girl that disco never let me say. I was too busy spinning or twirling or dipping when all I wanted to do was grab the girl around the waist and tell her she was magnificent. To this day my perception of Hell has disco music piped into the rooms filled with fire and brimstone just in case the latter isn't enough to make one miserable
The 90's till now of course, have been primarily Hip Hop or Rap music. I'm sorry, but people who can't sing become rappers. Now I was a huge fan of the Temptations, and Diana Ross and the Supremes, and Otis Redding and Sam Cooke and Smokey Robinson. I could go on and on, but the point is none of those artists did rap music. It wasn't because it hadn't been invented yet. None of the great artists of the past did rap because they didn't have to. They could actually sing. So they did.
Rap music is like abstract art. If you can't do something right, then do it so bad, with such confidence, that you can fool people into believing you actually are good. It's sort of like my writing.
I find myself gravitating towards Country Music these past few years. I do like the women who sing country music and not because most of them are good looking, although that never hurts. The women of country; like Faith Hill, Martina McBride, Carrie Underwood, and let's not forget Reba and perhaps as many as a dozen more, actually have world class singing voices. The songs they sing often are a beautiful blend of vocals and music and message which is missing in the other genres of music right now.
I don't think the same about the male country vocalists however. I think most country songs offered by the males are goofy. I do have to admit I don't like most male country singers because of their stupid hats. Now maybe some of them have ranches and ride horses often, but that doesn't mean they have to wear those goofy hats everyday, everywhere.
There are people in the national guard that from time to time wear a steel helmet, but you don't see them walking around all day wearing one as they go to the grocery store or when they go out to eat. Construction workers have to wear a hardhat on the job but they don't wear them to their kid's graduation. If one of those "cowboys" had walked into my Irish grandma's house with their hat still on, she would have lectured them about taking their hat off in the house all the while she was beating the crap out of them, of course.
I firmly believe the reason Country Music has their own separate awards events is because most people, including musicians in other disciplines, wouldn't put up with not being able to see the stage because some scrawny male singer sitting in front of them, showing off his 10 inch biceps, won't remove his cowboy hat. It will never happen, but if there are ever "joint" music awards and a fight breaks out, I'll bet on the rappers kicking the most butt.
It appears I digressed a little. As I was saying, I don't think the male country vocalists are anywhere near as good as their female counterparts. Their voices for one thing aren't very good, with many of them having a twangy kind of voice that sounds like a beer truck hitting the brakes on a wet pavement.
The male singers also don't offer songs anywhere near the quality offered by the Females. For every "Independence Day" by Martina McBride or "I Feel Like a Woman" by Shania Twain or "Breathe" by Faith Hill, the males offer up such outstanding repartees as "I Spent my Paycheck at the Girlie Bar" or "My Wife Kicked me out fer Spittin Terbacky Juice in the Goldfish Bowl".
Let's never forget the classic, "Why do the Sheep run away from Grandpa".
Freelance writer, columnist, author and writing coach, ex-Chicagoan Mike Fak presently resides in Central Illinois. More information about Mike's services are available at his home website www.mikefak.com
Mike currently writes primarily humor columns for searchwarp bi-weekly and is the managing editor of www.lincolndailynews.com
Mike now offers a 26,000 word e-book on making money as a freelance writer for only $10.00 at this page. http://www.mikefak.com/id45.html
» left by Michael Kocis (1 year 255 days ago.)
Funny article Mike, didn't rap actually emerge from the southern hoe-down ( I think that's a rapper term) Isn't the fellow instructing the square dance really just rapp'n with a southern drawl . Respond to this comment
» left by Mike Fak(5,747) Mike Fak (1 year 255 days ago.)
Come to think of it, those guys probably were the first rappers. Thanks for reading. Mike Respond to this comment
» left by PW from Ohio (1 year 254 days ago.)
I'm an old metal fan from the 70s, 80s. I was one of those guys "enamored with his electric guitar." I learned all the Zep, ZZ Top, Rush, Van Halen, Deep Purple, Black Sabbath songs and really loved to blast that 100 watt Marshal at the neighbors or anywhere else me and my mates wanted could play (you say "mates" because the Beatles said it and they were cool).
But I do remember coming outside of a rock club for a break (yes, that meant break out the joint) and hearing some disco music from the club across the street. I was so "rock" at that time I almost puked. Literally! Since that time I have listened to it more and actually enjoy the better songs (How can you not get into Funky Town? "Won't you take me to . . . Funky Toooown? Won't you take me to . . . Funky Toooown? Fum chish fumpa chich. Banga dang. Banga dang. Um ah. Chunka Funka.) You're diggin' it. Yeah!
Nevertheless, there has been some outstanding music (Zep, Floyd, Yes (rock 'n roll Mozart), the Top) but music todauy is so watered-down-need-a-hit-yesterday-can-you-dance-to-it crap. And the worst of all is rap. I'm on a cursade in my college classes to end all rap, unless it's Steven Tyler telling us about his "next door neighbor with a daughter had a favor . . . " But rap not all crap, at leat the older stuff. I's been around a long time but was just done soooooo much better by artists like the Poe-Myster. Dig.
"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked, upstarting-
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!–quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my
door!"Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."
And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the
floor; And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted–nevermore!"
Yeah, homie, I'm all up in that flava. You bust on the cool tip. Yoo Yoo.
It is. Wassup? Respond to this comment
» left by Mike Fak(5,747) Mike Fak (1 year 254 days ago.)
Hello Jeff. I would say something but I believe you said it all. Thanks for reading. Mike Respond to this comment
» left by Danny Davids(19,780) Danny Davids (1 year 254 days ago.)
Country? COUNTRY? Oh good lord! Hang on a sec, lemme take this call...yeah, I just read it...looks like Mike's gone over to the dark side...OF COURSE we need to have him reprogrammed!...just don't hurt him too much...and don't touch the hands...he needs those to write...yeah, tonight is fine...and yes, I'll bring the attache case with your usual fee...I know, I know, small unmarked bills...cut me a little slack, I'm not totally stupid!...right, bye. Okay, sorry. Where were we? Oh, yeah. Country. *grimace* Respond to this comment
» left by Mike Fak(5,747) Mike Fak (1 year 254 days ago.)
Only female country Danny. I'm sorry but I was going to have my friend Shania Twain drop in to say hello to you but now I'll tell her to just keep on driving through Texas. Take care Pardner. Mike Respond to this comment
» left by sue thom from nj (1 year 254 days ago.)
hi mike,
funny and clever article.
the 70's and 80's had sooo much good music, or was that the 80's and 90's? did i know what year it was? i was out with you and jeff. didn't we have a good time? i graduated in 1974, and love that music still. i agree with you about women country artists-who can sing like reba? or faith Hill, or so many others that you need a box of tissues to go with your session of listening.
thanks for sharing,
best regards,
sue Respond to this comment
» left by Mike Fak(5,747) Mike Fak (1 year 254 days ago.)
Thanks Sue. I could mention a couple more real country cuties but they are under 18 and I don't want to get into any trouble. Thanks for stopping by. Mike Respond to this comment
» left by Mike Fak(5,747) Mike Fak (1 year 253 days ago.)
Thanks Teresa. May the good Lord watch over you as well. Thanks for reading. Mike Respond to this comment
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