The family that prays together stays together. True or false? The saying is very old and not based on findings of formal family research. Perhaps it was merely an old wives tale. Certainly the high incidence of divorce in the Christian community would lead one to question the old adage. But let's not be too quick to discard the saying or its sentiment; family research does support it.
No one should imagine that merely saying prayers is some magic tonic that will neutralize the effects of hurtful actions in a family. You cannot live like Hell and pray to Heaven for the suspension of the laws of sowing and reaping for your benefit, even for your children's benefit.
Pertinent, too, is the fact that "saying prayers" and earnestly praying are not necessarily one and the same. The rote childish prayers at mealtime and bedtime ("Now I lay me down to sleep . . ." and the like) do not likely generate effect equal to heartfelt prayers or earnest intercession offered within a family.
Real prayer is more than reciting a memorized religious rhyme; it is honest communication with the Creator, heart-to-heart. When the latter rather than the former is practiced in a family, a powerful bonding potential exists. Furthermore, when genuine communication with God is experienced among family members, as opposed to mere recitation of rote prayers, other spiritual activities are likely experienced in that family, such as church participation, various acts of service, and expressions of benevolent care for others.
And this is precisely what is born out in family research. I'll share a couple of significant study results to illustrate the point.
1. Nick Stinnett & John DeFrain wrote a book entitled The Secrets of Strong Families in which they shared findings from their survey of 3000 families who identified themselves as "strong families." These are not families that merely "stay together" but families that find delight in the stay. These researchers asked the families to identify what made them strong. Among the six attributes found to be common to these families was a "spiritual commitment." These strong families had an obvious religious commitment and their faith was a notable feature of their family life. Most of the families belonged to churches. Dr. Gary Collins, in his book Family Shock, relates this aspect of their research findings this way, "[Strong families have] a religion that is a personal, practical, day-to-day experience rather than something theoretical."
2. In another interesting piece of research Delores Curran surveyed 500 counselors, social workers, and others who regularly work with families to find out what particular strengths they saw in families. In her book, Traits of a Healthy Family, she shares her research findings.
Among 15 common traits identified in these healthy families is this: they have a "shared religious core." And this attribute surely contributes to other attributes observed in these healthy families, such as:
they "have a sense of right and wrong,"
they "teach respect for others,"
they "share responsibility,"
and they "have a strong sense of family in which rituals and traditions abound."
Do families that pray together stay together? Probably so, if they really pray and don't just say prayers. Probably so, if their "religion" is "personal and practical", not something merely "theoretical." Probably so, if their "religion" determines how they live and relate rather than allowing the pressures of society to determine these. Probably so, if some of their prayers are for a strong and healthy family.
Dane Tyner is founder and director of Home Improvement Ministry, a Christian family counseling service in Tulsa, OK.The ministry website is http://www.forhim.org.
» left by Avis Ward(11,492) Avis Ward (1 year 250 days ago.)
Many truths included in this article. Well-written and engaging. I also happen to agree with your 'probably so's', Mr. Tyner! Respond to this comment
» left by Teresa Ortiz(11,087) Teresa Ortiz (1 year 249 days ago.)
Hi Dane, Amen to this article-especially the third paragragh. Half-hearted, pre-written prayers are probably not going to cause the heart of God to move much. It's the sincere, get down to the nitty-gritty concerns of the heart that make a difference. Good job! You are certainly a hugh blessing and asset to the SW family. Respond to this comment
» left by Jean Horst(1,191) Jean Horst (1 year 249 days ago.)
Hey Dane, Thanks for this article. My parents got to know God when I was a pre-teen, shortly after that, they began a nightly ritual of praying together before they went to sleep. Since they prayed out loud in their room, I often drifted off to sleep to the murmurs of their prayers from their room. I couldn't really make out the words, but I knew that they prayed for all their children by name and others with needs. Now they are elderly and they come to visit me in the winter. They still pray aloud each night and my children now have heard the same sounds before they go to sleep. I can tell you from experience, it is an incredibly powerful thing. Respond to this comment
» left by Dane Tyner(300) Dane Tyner (1 year 249 days ago.)
Thank you, Jean, for that wonderful testimony. When I was a boy, I had to try to sleep to far less pleasant sounds from my parents' room. Much of the passion for the work I do is rooted in my deep desire to see children experience something like yours and mine have. Respond to this comment
» left by Anonymous (1 year 249 days ago.)
Dane,
Great article! Ditto the previous comments. Respond to this comment
» left by Dane Tyner(300) Dane Tyner (1 year 249 days ago.)
Steve, Thanks for the encouraging word. Welcome to the fan club, too. I'm honored. Respond to this comment
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