It is one thing to have self worth. It is another thing altogether to know you have it. We don't build self-worth so much as we discover it and claim it. All of the people I have known including myself who have suffered from low self-esteem have done so for one or more of the following three reasons:
1. People have treated us in ways that led us to conclude we must not be very valuable.
2. We have acted in shameful ways and have not yet found forgiveness and cleansing.
3. We have misinterpreted our life experiences.
Most of us don't have to strain our brain to recall someone mistreating us. Count yourself very fortunate, if you cannot remember through the words or actions of another a degrading message about your worth. Our experiences vary considerably in this. Many people receive messages at home that steal away their sense of worth. As children are talked to and/or about in harsh, degrading terms, they cannot help but take away from those transactions negative messages about themselves. When children are mistreated physically or emotionally, they translate the abusive acts into a cognitive message about themselves, which they store in their minds. It is a message about their worth.
We all get messages at home, and these are incredibly powerful messages. It is impossible to not store self-worth messages. Even silence is interpreted and then stored as a self-worth message. I have heard people relate how they cannot remember even one verbal acknowledgement from a parent. Sometimes they will even speak of having had the feeling as a child that they were invisible.
We get plenty of messages at home; but they are certainly not the only messages we receive. We venture out into the community and get more messages. The school is a common place for these. School can be an affirming place for high performers. If you are able to favorably impress teachers, coaches, and peers, you will likely feel relatively confident in your worth. But, if you struggle to keep up academically, can't make a team, or your Momma dresses you funny, you may suffer a severe assault on your sense of worth at school.
Sometimes the most devastating attack on one's worth comes in adult life. For instance, the betrayal and rejection of a spouse can turn a previously solid sense of self-worth into something in desperate need of life support. Sometimes the rejection and/or feeling of failure experienced through a major career reversal will leave a person with a degree of self-doubt previously unknown. If your worth has been securely tied to your performance, and you are no longer able to perform impressively, you can quickly find yourself in a crisis of self-worth.
Self-worth is sometimes eroded by our own sinful engagements, more than being damaged by others. When sane people do things that are shameful, they feel ashamed. Embezzle funds from your employer, get arrested for drunk driving, or cheat on your spouse and you should feel ashamed. Your own choices have tarnished your sense of worth. It can be cleansed and restored, but not by pretending there is no stain or attempting to craftily conceal it. And, though we are inclined to try, our sense of worth is never really helped by focusing on those with worse stains.
Our sense of self-worth is also damaged by our misinterpretations of life experiences. For instance, you may have had an incredibly gifted sibling who was always winning some kind of award or trophy. But you worked to be an average performer. You could easily interpret the accolades of your sibling, compared to the absence of these in your life, as convincing proof of your inferiority. But that would be misinterpretation.
The problem with all of these assessments is that they are based on human opinions our own or those of others. True worth comes from our Maker. He gives us worth. We are valuable in His eyes. This value is established on two pillars. The first is in the original creation. The Bible is clear on this: the Creator created us with special honor. We were the crowning piece of His creation. We, unlike any other creatures, were made to bear the image of the Creator. We were made to enjoy special relationship with the Maker of the universe. We were called to be His ruling agents on the planet.
But then we sinned. Adam and Eve sinned. You and I have sinned. Everyone else has sinned. We must wonder: Did we lose our worth when we lost our purity? The answer is, no.
Two pieces of evidence prove this point. In the Garden of Eden, where the first two sinners hid from God in fear, we watch the Maker make His way to the wayward couple. He didn't enter the Garden in wrath, but in mercy and gentleness. He let Adam and Eve know that severe consequences would befall the entire universe because of their choice to disobey. Then He made them clothes instead of their makeshift coverings. Finally, He promised a Redeemer. The Seed of the Woman would crush the deceiving serpent's head.
The second piece of evidence is the Cross of Christ. Jesus, that Seed of the Woman, paid the price for our iniquity. He came down to our level, leaving the glories of heaven to walk on earth, to engage with the ungrateful, the unkind, and the downright evil. He lived the obedient life we were all supposed to live, and then laid down His life for us. The term Redeemer refers to one who buys something back in a transaction.
There is a story of a little boy who made a little boat out of wood. He spent much time carving it, painting it, putting a little sail on it. One day he took his little boat to the river edge to play with it. The current was faster than usual, and quickly it swept the boat downstream and out of sight. It was lost. Months later, the little boy passed a pawn shop; and to his great shock, there in the window was his little boat. He went inside and bought the boat from the store clerk. On the sidewalk in front of the store, he clutched his boat to his chest and said, "You're twice mine. I made you, and now I bought you!" God clutches His children in Christ and says, "You're twice mine. I made you, and now I bought you!" Our value really is based in God's assessment of our worth. In His eyes, we each have incredible worth.
Simply believe this biblical truth and you will find freedom. You won't have to figure out how to get people to love you, like you, want you. You can enjoy your trophies without making them idols. They can remain the signs of achievement without being a source of worth.
Most of us have to deal with the things people have told us about our worth. Some of us were told that our worth was questionable. Others were told that our worth was based in our ability to favorably impress people, to make them happy. As long as we allow what people have said or still say about us to define us, God's opinion will not have its full effect in our lives. Scripture tells us that we should "Let God be true, and every man a liar" ( RM 3:4 ).
The implication of that verse is that people have lied to us. We have lied to others. It is part of our fallen nature. We lie. It is not that we never tell the truth; we just do not always tell the truth. God tells the truth because He is the Truth.
The choice is yours: believe people if you want, or believe God if you will. Your own mother and father may have told you with words or actions that you were worthless. Maybe you began believing their message when you were too young to know the difference. But you do not have to keep believing their message. That is one of their lies. Again, Scripture says, "Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me" ( PS 27:10 ). I don't mean to suggest that it is as easy to believe God's message about you when important people in your life have contradicted it as it is when they affirm His message. Still, freedom comes by embracing this truth about yourself. Claim the truth and forgive those who have lied to you.
Dane Tyner is founder and director of Home Improvement Ministry, a Christian family counseling service in Tulsa, OK.The ministry website is http://www.forhim.org.
» left by Dane Tyner(300) Dane Tyner (1 year 232 days ago.)
Miriam,
No, I can't prove there is a God. No one can. It is one of those things which we must believe or take by faith. It is certainly not the ONLY thing I believe by faith. For instance, every time I top a hill on a two-lane stretch of road, I believe, I trust, I even bet my life (and sometimes my whole family's life) that there is not a vehicle headed right at me in my lane on the other side of the hill. I have habitually approached those hills in faith. I cannot PROVE there is no car coming to crash head-on with me. At the top of the hill, I will know. Someday, I may find that my belief on the hill proved to be wrong, and I may pay the ultimate price for my mistaken belief. In the past 40+ years of driving, believing what seems reasonable has brought peace on every such hill. In the past 35+ years of believing in and trusting God (which seems to me to be a most reasonable thing), I have found it to be extremely rewarding. There is a place, Miriam, where we shall all "top the hill" and then we shall KNOW if what we BELIEVED was accurate. I figure I am in the proverbial win-win situation. If my beliefs prove to be valid, the other side will be indescribably glorious. If, however, I am mistaken, I shall have lost nothing and gained SO much in THIS life. Thanks for reading and responding. Respond to this comment
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(1 year 232 days ago.)