|
So the two of you are in regular contact again and things seem to be moving along quite well. But it's like you are back together but not quite there yet, and for a while you've been really thinking about asking your ex to give the relationship another try, how do you go about asking?
There are two ways to ask your ex if he or she wants to get back together. No one approach is better than the other, they are just different and both have strengths and weaknesses.
1. Direct request
The direct way is to come out straight and ask in a direct non-confrontational way if your ex is ready to give the relationship another try. The strength of this approach is that there is no "beating about the bush". This dramatically reduces the risk of your ex misinterpreting or misunderstanding what it is that you are asking from him or her. It gets you to the resolution faster since it's all out there and now all your ex has to do is respond.
The weakness of this approach is that it builds up stress especially the few seconds just before you actually ask the question. This stress can negatively affect how you sound and even what you say. The other disadvantage is that it narrows or limits the possible responses of the other person and obliges him or her to choose from only two alternatives -- YES and NO. Your ex may feel put under pressure and respond to the pressure and not to what you are asking. He or she may say there's no way for your relationship to be rebuilt without giving much detail for one reason or the other.
2) Indirect request.
The indirect way is to say how much you miss him or her, how good it was when you were together and how you wish the two of you were back together or ask if they have thought about the possibility etc. without really mentioning directly that you want to get back together.
The strength of this approach is that it doesn't put your ex on the spot making it easier for conversation to flow. The other strength of this approach is that indirect requests aren't really "refusable" at least not directly. Your ex can't say "no" because technically you haven't directly asked for anything to begin with. And if you sense that he or she might not be exactly thrilled with the proposition (at that particular point in time) you can safely retreat and approach it from a different angle or try again some other time.
The weakness of this approach is that your ex might not pick up on what it is you are "asking" for and all you can do is hope they get the hint. You may even end up going round and round the subject without ever asking for what you really want. And because of the history the two of you have, there is a lot of room for misinterpreting or misunderstanding on both sides.
If you can comfortably and smoothly switch from direct to indirect and vice versa -- and know how, you should consider using both communication styles. Many of my clients find that this works best. But it's not just about the approach, the most important thing is the state you are in -- mentally and emotionally and of course the groundwork you've laid upto this point. This is what makes all the difference between Yes and NO.
If you are serious about getting back your ex, you might want to check out my e-Book: Dating Your Ex - What You Can Do Tonight, Tomorrow And The Next Day To Get Your Ex Back
About Author: Internationally renowned Dating & Relationships Coach, Christine Akiteng has devoted years of her life re-uniting couples and has seen over and over again first hand what works. She has woven together solid-gold advice on just about every stage of getting back together with your ex to help you make the process less scary and shaky and more exciting and smooth as possible.
Christine's main website: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
|
tweet this!