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As Easter rapidly approaches, I'm reminded of a time not so long go when my son took his first steps into becoming a man…He cheated at Easter.
It all started around 5:00 AM that fateful morning. The "Easter Bunny" had just hidden a basket full of colored eggs throughout the house. This happens every year and the kids look forward to getting up in the morning and hunting them down.
They are very competitive, my kids. I've seen them use clever misdirection when they spot an egg and a brother or sister is between them and their prize. It's absolutely hilarious to watch.
My son, the youngest of four, never finds as many eggs as the rest and he really seems to be taking it personally. It doesn't help when his older sister, who is EXTREMELY competitive, dances around, taunting him with her basketful of brightly colored eggs laughing at how miserably my son has done. It's terribly sad really, but what's a mother to do?
Anyway, it's around five in the morning and I'm hearing this little pitter patter of feet. I listen intently for a while and I'm hearing these footsteps all over the house. I sneak to the bedroom door, real cautious like, just in case it's a really skinny burglar, light on his feet, and what do I see?
My son! He's running around looking for all the eggs! He doesn't pick them up or anything; he's just mapping out in his head where they are all hiding.
He continues his search for a few moments and then rushes back to bed. I darn near peed myself I was laughing so hard. I knew exactly what my little man was up to and I couldn't have been prouder.
To win in this incredibly unfair and often unjust life, you must do whatever is necessary, and if you're at a disadvantage because of size or strength, that would certainly include cheating. I know that sounds horrible but you've got to admit, it was mighty clever of him!
So here's how it played out. My son lays low for awhile and at around six or so he jumps out of bed all excited, waking everybody up. He's running around all surprised and everything, "Look at the Easter baskets", he yells, "and the eggs we left out are gone, the Easter Bunny must have hidden them!"
It was a wonderful performance, really; worthy of an Academy Award.
So off they go, hunting for eggs and my son is really racking them up. You should have seen my daughter, she was spitting mad. I could barely contain my laughter and my husband, at that time, is looking at me like I've lost my mind or something so I told him what I'd witnessed earlier.
My ex was a pretty uptight kind of guy and I don't think he approved of my son's behavior and gave me one of those looks like this was my doing. Whenever the kids do something wrong it is always my doing.
"That's the Madson in them," he'd say, "They certainly didn't learn that type of behavior from me!" Of course they didn't you boring little excuse of a man…sorry, got off track a bit.
Anyway, the story doesn't end there. His words about my influence rang even louder that afternoon at my father's house where we gather each year for Easter dinner. We eat good, then chat a bit while the food digest and then the oldest child, who no longer believes in the Easter Bunny, gets stuck hiding eggs out in the yard for all the little kids.
Now, you must understand here that these eggs are not real eggs like the ones we hide at my house in the morning, but are plastic and have all kinds of treats inside them. I'm a big fan of treats and simply by the law of association, I get half of all my kids haul.
Unfortunately, that was the year one of my daughters joined the ranks of the unbelievers and was disqualified from the hunt. This bothered me to no end because I now only had two little ones left out there searching for my treats and as I already mentioned, my son was really pretty lousy at it unless he cheats.
Desperate times call for desperate measures and as the gun sounded to begin the hunt, I found myself giving my kids secret hand signals as to where the eggs were hidden. Isn't that horrible? My brother-in-law saw me doing it too, only his kid can't walk yet so he had nothing to gain by snitching on me (he did later blackmail me for a Snickers Bar though).
I don't feel bad or anything about how the whole thing played out. My belly hurt a little bit from all the chocolate I ate, but it was well worth it and the pain went away soon enough. I certainly didn't lose any sleep over the matter.
Of course my ex found out later and I got another one of those looks, but as I saw it, I was set with chocolate until at least my birthday and you have to admit, that's about the best definition of winning a woman with an addiction to treats could possibly hope for!
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