Submitted by: Leo Ponder(533) Leo Ponder Log in to become a member of Leo Ponder's Fan Club!
Now I'm really peeved, to say the least. All those billions in taxes I paid for the defense budget and I learn all we need is eight Toyota pickups, filled with 1000 bearded, wild eyed, stick waving troops. (It scares the bejeezus out of the enemy), a rowboat and a cave.
As far as intelligence goes, these trucks are hard to locate because they hide out on the streets of a city during the day disguised as personal civilians vehicles and do double duty as tanks when needed, Also they're immune to air and missile attack. How many surgical bombing attacks or million dollar cruise missiles have been targeted on Toyota pickups? None that's how many.
The savings are tremendous and nobody suspects a thing. At 100,000 lifetime miles per truck, that's a lot of quarter mile attacks. And for an extra 50,000 mile extended warranty, just simply eject the motor and hook up a $10 burro in front. Taxpayers could sure use the savings.
And while we are at it, we can do without those $500 battle ready uniforms. Do like mine and every American budget conscious wife. Just catch the J C Penney white sheet sale and stock up for $3.99 a pair. One size fits all. Our government needs to learn how to be frugal. Nowadays it's become a necessity.
Don't forget the navy. With expenses running in the billions yearly to keep our world class navy, we need to learn some "new" economical modern techniques of naval warfare. All you really need is a fourteen foot rowboat with a few sticks of explosives stored in the bow. The savings would be enormous. And an extra benefit is no self respecting security conscious enemy would dare attack a nation ringed with these little stingers.
And if there are scoffers to this "new" method of naval attack, then all you have to do is remember the only successful attack on our warships since ww2 was with this method .
Another unit of warfare that we don't have and might be too expensive, is natural caves. I can't figure that significance anyhow. What is their military benefit? My solution, in the absence of any hard intelligence would be to build exact replicas all over America just in case. They would be there if we needed them. Better safe than sorry.
Some other savings could involve psychological and "new" warfare techniques:
1. Issue Bibles to every service man, with the "Battle of Jerico"
underlined.
2.Enlist 13 yr. old volunteers from other countries. (payroll savings)
3. Give news reporters guns, too (a big savings since they are usually more numerous than the troops)
4. Threaten recall of all Toyota Trucks.
5. Threaten biological warfare with a new bomb that removes beards permanently and leaves an impression of Old Glory on them.(My personal favorite since this would scare the holy sheet out of them.)
6. Stop all bombing for a week of extreme quiet. When the enemy finally pokes his head out of the cave, grab him.(An old squirrel hunting trick) But the biggest and best savings of all would be to find a super rich citizen that would fund all our war efforts. He must be fearless, eccentric, patriotic, touched in the head, paranoid, lives in caves, and bent on world domination.
I nominate Bill Gates.
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» left by Robert Melaccio, Sr.(4,435) Robert Melaccio, Sr. (172 days 21 hours ago.)
I found the article interesting and enjoyable. It goes to show how difficult to fight any people, that is until you install FEAR. Yes FEAR of the consequences. I do find it ironic all those years under that dictator they had no desire to continue the fight until he was gone. Hey I guess from one to another it is acceptable? Good job. Respond to this comment
» left by Myla Madson(2,333) Myla Madson (172 days 18 hours ago.)
Very clever article there Leo. I must admit, I'm a fan of your humor and opinions. keep up the good work, you still have my support! Respond to this comment
» left by Susan Thom(8,150) Susan Thom (172 days 14 hours ago.)
hi leo,
very clever, well written story.
to sum it up, i believe we're going to Hell in a handbasket!
but, i won't go quietly, thanks for an interesting article.
best regards,
sue thom Respond to this comment
» left by Creative Blogger(5,244) Creative Blogger (171 days 21 hours ago.)
Leo, the whole point behind the military machine is to make money, warfare makes money as the same people using the weapons (aside from those they sell to their enemies) are the same ones manufacturing them.
I could say more, but I won't. Interesting article! Respond to this comment
» left by Leo Ponder(533) Leo Ponder (166 days 5 hours ago.)
Thanks all for your uplifting comments, which is all that authors get. Unless of course you are Dean Koontz. Most all my thoughts are meant to be humorous
more so than factual. but they are also meant to portray events to which we can relate. At least that is what I would hope Leo Respond to this comment
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