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Only one…but the light bulb has to really want to change!
A young boy in one of my counseling sessions recently told me that joke. I laughed until I cried because only a few month's earlier, that little boy was tearing his family apart.
I explained to the young man that I was not a psychiatrist but rather a family counselor. He asked the difference and I said about eight years of schooling and training…and a few hundred thousand dollars a year in salary.
I also told him I could not prescribe drugs so I worked harder to help people than a psychiatrist might. Please, no negative comments…my sister is a psychiatrist and evaluates all my clients for serious mental health problems that would merit drug therapy and I respect her immensely…not for what she has accomplished, but rather for her belief in what I do.
Anyway, the young boy's father had come to me one day and asked if I could help him and his family. His son, thirteen at the time, was depressed, withdrawn but easily moved to violence. In fact, he had already sent his mother to the hospital and she feared for her life; as well as that of their eight year old daughters.
Traditional therapy had not worked and the parents did not know where else to turn. The child was already drinking alcohol, breaking curfew and vandalizing nearby homes and businesses and becoming quite the menace to society. The state held them accountable for their young boy's actions and offered very little support for the distraught parents.
I allowed my sister to do the intake on the child and she did recommend drug therapy and professional counseling but knew these treatments, at least to this point, had been ineffective and cautioned me against taking the case.
I'm stubborn if nothing else and called to tell the father to bring his son in the next morning.
I won't go into detail here about how I approached this case as my methods are controversial, but I will say that the reason I am often successful where others fail is, I give the child a reason to want to change while many others try and force that change.
I never force change or try and rationalize it. Children behave the way they do for very concrete reasons and in my opinion, it's never the child who lays the foundation upon which his actions and behaviors are built.
I spent a solid month trying to discover just who it was who had laid this flawed foundation and I have to say, a month of blaming someone else finally gave this kid the break he needed and we were able to work through the entire healing process in just six months.
Money is important but it could never buy the feeling I get when an appreciative parent gives me a heart felt hug and then turns to give one to their once resistant child. As a mother, I would be devastated if my child refused to hug me…and drugs aren't ever going to fix a hurt like that!
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