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The clouds were adrift in an almost blue sky, while the sun's fury reflected back onto our faces. The beach's sand crept between our toes with each step we took towards the water. The seagull's squawks were silenced only by my intermittent breathing as I pondered upon my situation. The blue water of The Pacific was no longer a dream, for it was busy washing the sand from the feet of my friend and myself. The feel of the oceanic breeze was refreshing compared to the arid West Texas Desert in which I had spent thirty-eight years of my tormented life.
My friends' hand totally enveloped mine. His touch was soothing and reassuring. I studied the hand and noticed the callouses that were present from years of carpentry. The scars from misguided flails were also visible as he held my hand by my two free fingers. He knew I was afraid of the water and this was the first time I was able to appreciate the majesty of the ocean and all of God's creation.
As he held the two fingers of my right hand, I surrendered my remaining digits to the security of His left as I approached the awesome forces of the pounding waves. He reassured me by telling me to not be afraid, He was with me.
I told Him I was thankful for my beautiful daughter who had grown into a twenty-one-year old stable, mature adult. I reflected back on my daughter's past childhood and how thankful I was when she accepted Jesus Christ as her Saviour.
As the water crashed onto the rocks around us, we approached closer to the edge of the water. I let go of His beautiful hand in order to balance myself and regain control. I reflected upon my childhood. I remembered the travesties of growing up in an alcohol-infested home, or the son of an alcoholic. I remembered the pain of missing my loving father who only became belligerent after drinking. I recalled one night when my father became so intoxicated that he fell down in a puddle of blood after striking his head on a piece of furniture and my daughter walking in at the tender age of ten absorbing this horrible scene.
Tears streamed down my face, and I realized that I was not being supported by my friend's grasp. I immediately grabbed my friend's hand once more. I studied His hand and noticed that He did not have any fingerprints, but this abruptly went out of my head when I remembered the following: I recalled my father taking me to Manuel's Restaurant in Odessa, Texas when I was twelve years old. The dining area had a water fountain/wishing well where customers made a wish and tossed in a couple of pennies after wishing for their heart's desires. I made a wish that evening, not for my father to quit drinking, but for an Evel Knievel Motorcycle toy set. Approximately three days after making this secret wish, my father brought me the very toy/action figure set that I had wished for! I never told my father of my wish and I "wished" that I had told him this story before he passed away (April 13th, 2007).
I became braver as we started walking in about a foot of water along the ocean's edge. The water was cold, yet comforting. I noticed once again that I was supporting myself away from my friend's grasp. I thought long and hard over the events of my life. I was forty years old and I was afraid that I was becoming bitter due to experiencing two divorces. I reflected on my last marriage that continued to fill my soul full of tormented emotions, and asked my friend, "Why?" He paused while placing both of His hands on my shoulders and looked at me with clearest eyes that stirred the depths of my soul. He replied with the following, "It brought you here. It brought you to me."
After hearing my friend's truth, I grabbed His hand with all my might and squeezed. With tears streaming down my face, I cried, "Lord, I am so sorry for not being the person I should have been! I have done things that I am ashamed of...things that drove you away and the light from my life." I dropped to my knees and hugged Jesus will all my strength and begged Him not to leave me.
He replied, " I will always be here. If you did not experience some of your life's dilemma's, we may not have met upon this beach this very day. My hand and guidance have always been here, it has been up to you, when you chose to grasp ahold."
I watched misty eyed as the blue ocean water erased any evidence (footprints) of our walk through past retrospectives. I wanted to believe that the water's erasing made room for new memories and possibilities.
After His reply, My Lord vanished in the twinkling of an eye and a message came upon my heart: "He has been carrying me all along."
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