Submitted by: Steve Radford(917) Steve Radford Log in to become a member of Steve Radford's Fan Club!
The cul-de-sac was overrun with roaches. Our home, positioned at the end of the street, was clearly in the best position to take action. In fact, as the largest home on the block, the other residents undoubtedly looked to us to solve the problem, though they never said so.
We had already taken steps to keep the bugs away from our own place. We sprayed insecticide inside the house and even around the outside perimeter to kill the pests living in the shrubs and ivy. After months of roach free living, it seemed we were starting to win the war.
Then one day last spring, I spoke to my friendly neighbor that lives to our right. All was not well. While our home was nearly roach free, she had found a couple, maybe even several of the awful things in her place. She always keeps a close watch on the activity of the court and had strong suspicions that her other neighbor was actually breeding the disgusting roaches in converted fish aquariums she called "wombs of multiple duplication" or WMDs for short.
We had to take action. The way roaches breed; it would only be a few short weeks before the entire neighborhood would be uninhabitable. With the approval of my neighbor to the right, operation "porch light" was born. It started with secretly placing cans of insecticide on each neighbor's porch during the night. We just wanted to give them the tools they needed to extinguish the roach cells living on their property.
We were optimistic about operation porch light. And if everyone had done their part, it could have worked. But as long as one house provided a safe haven from the insecticide, we could not win. We had to go after the WMDs and there was no other choice but to invade the source.
It would have been preferable to consult with the neighbor to the right regarding the invasion. But the details of operation "porch crash" were too sensitive. Success would depend on our ability to reach the WMDs before the roaches could be released. So at 2:00 the next morning, I kicked in the front door of the incubator house. Fitted with a gas mask and insecticide, I went in spraying.
The broken front door and frame were a small price for the victory at hand. I would just put the repair bill on my American Express. Unfortunately, the Wombs of Mass Duplication turned out to have fish in them. We are sure the neighbor to my left tipped off the roach house inhabitants.
An hour later, as the paddy wagon drove away; I looked through the bars on the back door and thought about the advice of my allied neighbor: "I think we need to maintain a defensive posture. As much as we would like to go find the roaches, we cannot. They have been hiding and duplicating for thousands of years." He may have been right but hopefully history will vindicate my actions.
Steve Radford was born in Virginia and currently resides in North Texas. He writes mostly about personal experiences that have shaped his view of the world.
» left by Mr. Keith(1,917) Mr. Keith (156 days 7 hours ago.)
I loved your story. I sit here with a smile and I really liked what I read.
Keep on creating!
Thanks,
Mr. Keith Respond to this comment
» left by Steve Radford(917) Steve Radford (154 days 9 hours ago.)
Thank you for reading and taking time to comment Mr. Keith! I'm glad you liked it. Steve Respond to this comment
» left by Teresa Ortiz (155 days 22 hours ago.)
Hi Steve, very, very funny and filled with lots of common sense application that could be applied to just about everything that is going on in our world. Thanks for the laugh and the thoughts! God Bless you and yours, Teresa Respond to this comment
» left by Robert Melaccio, Sr.(4,558) Robert Melaccio, Sr. (155 days 12 hours ago.)
Roaches forever. They have beaten mankind at every turn. In Florida they ares as big as B52 bombers and they come in all sizes. We have our seasons for major infestations but for the most part schrubs, lights, mulch are the attractions. Barriers around the parimeter, electronic devices liberally sprinkled about. Spray and the good old shoe do the job. Yes and even then we must udnerstand they are where we least expect them to be. Good article. Respond to this comment
» left by Steve Radford(917) Steve Radford (154 days 9 hours ago.)
"As big as B52 bombers", I got a chuckle out of that imagery. And I thought everything was supposed to be bigger in Texas! Thanks Robert. Respond to this comment
» left by Sandra E. Graham(2,091) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Arkansas, USA (153 days 19 hours ago.)
Great article, Steve. I love articles that can find humour in situations like you have just described. I for one will look forward to the day that roaches are on the 'endangered' list for extinction!
SEG Respond to this comment
» left by Susan Thom(8,103) Susan Thom (153 days 16 hours ago.)
hi steve,
well, this was different. we need to do something like that around our neighborhood for mice. i've never seen a roach. i hope your stay behind the bars wasn't too long.
thanks for an interesting article,
best regards,
sue thom Respond to this comment
» left by Steve Radford(917) Steve Radford (153 days 5 hours ago.)
You're right Susan. This was a little different for me. An experiment of sorts. Thanks for the generous comments. Respond to this comment
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