Life is largely about choices we make. We face decisions almost constantly. Some of our decisions are pretty inconsequential, like what we will wear today or at which restaurant we will eat lunch. Some decisions entail very high degrees of seriousness, like choosing a life mate or buying a home. Other decisions seem fairly insignificant at the time but can have profound results, like an employee at the Twin Towers who decided to take a personal day to stay home with her unusually fussy toddler on that terrible September day we all remember.
After I was discharged from the Navy, I decided to move to Oklahoma . I've often wondered how my life would be different if I had moved back to Indiana (my home) or stayed in Corpus Christi where I was stationed. Most of the people who are dear to me now would likely not even be in my life, including my wife, children and grandchildren.
Don't we all wish there were a perfect formula for making foolproof decisions? Wouldn't we pay a lot for a "decision formula" which would insure consistently favorable outcomes? I don't believe any such formula exists, so I'm not buying or selling. I do believe, however, that taking decision-making seriously is very important. Many of us end up in places to which we never consciously set out. Like alcoholics or other types of addicts, we can make repeated choices which eventually enslave us without warning.
Several years ago a friend shared some thoughts on this subject with me. With her permission, I have adapted and expounded upon her ideas here. (Thanks, Sarah.) Consider these seven questions, regarding a potential decision, as a filter to run it through.
Will anyone be hurt? Of course, this requires discernment about the kind of hurt involved. My family doctor doesn't appear to decide how to treat me based on whether or not it will hurt. Sometimes good and right things do hurt, such as telling someone the truth, or letting others suffer the consequences of their irresponsible behavior. A distinction worthy of note is the difference between hurting and harming. If our choice will unrighteously harm someone, we must choose otherwise.
Is it morally wrong? Now, we all must realize that this calls us to consider God's Law, not man's. What is legal in society is not necessarily right. Likewise, what society forbids is not necessarily wrong. The essential point is this: Is it in line with God's Word and conform to the spirit of His Law?
What are my motives? What am I really trying to accomplish; and, is this honorable? What am I feeling? Are my emotions negative (critical, blaming, shameful, vengeful)? Am I acting out of doubt, fear or anger instead of faith (confidence in the person and will of God)? Am I primarily seeking to please myself and/or be approved by others (selfishness or self-centeredness)? Am I determined to please God even if people important to me are not pleased? Is my decision driven by my fear of people? Am I in a hurry, feeling driven to just "get this out of the way"?
Have I prayed, asking God for His wisdom? Scripture assures us that God gives wisdom liberally to those who ask Him ( James 1:5 ). When being asked to make a decision, it is reasonable in most cases to request time to pray about it before answering. This can help you not make choices you later regret.
Do I have peace within? Does my decision feel right in my conscience? Is my spirit at rest with my choice? Does it feel right before God? Can I see myself standing before my Maker, ultimately and peacefully giving Him account for this choice?
Will I regret the outcome? It's like investing a large sum of our money in a risky venture; before we invest, we should consider not just how much we might gain, but how we would be affected if our investment were lost. Can I live with the potential outcome of this decision?
Does my decision make sense to wise people I know? If a decision relates to something of substantial proportions, run it buy a wise friend or two. If they ask you if you have quit taking your meds, you should definitely rethink your choice. The wise person we need to talk with in some situations is a professional. You might even have to pay for their opinion. Sometimes we pay far more for not getting that opinion before we make a decision.
Hopefully, these thoughts will prove helpful to you. In case it's not obvious, let me state that the list of questions are not multiple choice. Seriously consider each question as you consider a potential decision. Until the questions become rather natural to you, I suggest that you put them where you can easily find them as you make decisions in your life. Remember, life largely consists of choices we make. Let's choose to choose as wisely as we can.
Dane Tyner is founder and director of Home Improvement Ministry, a Christian family counseling service in Tulsa, OK.The ministry website is http://www.forhim.org.
» left by Sandra E. Graham(7,518) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Arkansas, USA (1 year 176 days ago.)
Nice article, Dane. I often think about something I once heard about the person who thought to change his fate by taking a different road than he originally intended; only to find that that was fate's intent. Great article and some very good questions to consider, also. Sandra
» left by Dane Tyner(300) Dane Tyner (1 year 176 days ago.)
Hi Sandra,
Your comment makes me think of Ecclesiastes 11:6. There the writer speaks of different options which are apparently both good and right. Then he says, ". . . for you do not know which [activity] will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well." We CAN overthink the choices before us, just as we can choose without due consideration. May God grant us balance in this. Thanks for your kind comments.
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