Submitted by: Leo Ponder(243) Leo Ponder Log in to become a member of Leo Ponder's Fan Club!
Well, I'm back. I would have been back sooner, but I had to mow my lawn Normally I write my articles first and then I mow my lawn, but my wife got to me first. It takes about two days to do it right, (that is stop for a cold drink, nap, watch the news, etc.) If I don't do it right it takes about two hours. (according to my wife).And if you add that stupid lot next door that only serves two purposes, (it holds our storage room and grows grass.) it's a big distraction from writing articles. This time I didn't want to do it. That caused the usual argument. Sometimes a man has to stand up for himself and put things in the right order of priorities, firmly but politely.
"I have to write an article." I argued.
"O.K. a and an, that's two," she replied, now a little peeved, "Takes about two seconds, what else?" God , I hate it when women try to pull their education on me in an argument. O.K. , but she has descended into a writer's territory now. Us authors know about that kind of stuff.
"But I don't know if I want to write about "an apple" or "a car," I prodded her.
"Well, it depends if you are writing about any "apple" you have to use an indefinite article like "an" since "apple" starts with a vowel. But if you are writing about a specific "apple" you have to use "the" like in "The Apple in the Garden Of Eden." "Now can we mow?"
Holy crap! Can you wait just a minute while I write that down. I might need that sometimes. Well, evidently she had been punished enough, which was evident in her next statement.
"Besides I'm baking something you like very much," she teased.
"A chocolate cake!," I almost shouted, losing my cool.
"No" she grinned.
My heart fell.
" The chocolate cake," she corrected again. "Mind your articles"
" The triple layer, double frosted, double fudge chocolate cake that I like"
Now I was catching on. She lost that argument big time.
Thinking about "The" Chocolate cake that was baking, I thought what ever happened to the sweet agreeable little girl that I used to sit with in the back seat of my 57 chevy, at the drive in movie (And for you read between the liners doing your little computing, I could have bought the 57 chevy much later and yes drive in movies were still around until about the seventies.)
And what the hell did the Garden of Eden have to do with anything. That's just like women, they try to confuse you, but I have learned not to be confused. I can see past all that. I'm also sure of one thing, when Mother's teach their daughters to bake chocolate cake, it's for lots of reasons other than housekeeping. They know what they are doing. Men are going to have to learn some things other than driving tanks. Just then I ran out of gas in the middle of the lot.
I was half through the lot mowing when my son drove up with more junk to store in my store room. "Why don't you build your own storage," I asked. as we struggled with an old torn sofa that would look better in the junkyard. "Gosh, Dad we don't have the extra cash until we build our home. "And when's that," I asked hopefully. "Oh, in about 2 years or so," he said nonchalantly, "Dad, could you help me with this car engine, it's pretty heavy"
"How did she run out of gas," I moaned, to my wife, who had just received a call from our daughter. "I don't know," she said, "I would guess that a better way of saying it would be she used it all up" "But she's got a new car," I sputtered. "They don't run out of gas , do they"
Standing in the middle of the freeway, holding an empty gas can, I'm thinking. Is this all fathers are for, to peddle gas on the freeway for my daughter, build storage buildings for my son and mow my wife's grass. My daughter had spun off after the fill up with a quick "Thank You Dad, you're the greatest" Shouldn't I get paid or something? It seems to be much cheaper to have your father bring you gas than to buy it at the station. I felt a little lonely on the side of this busy thoroughfare holding my empty gas can.
"Why does he have to fill my storage up when they have storage all over town," I said to my wife. " Well we don't have too much in there."
"I have lots in there ," I countered.
"It's mostly junk, for example that old car seat you have in there takes up a lot of room." "That's not junk."I said. "It's the back seat from my 57 Chevy. Don't you remember the nights at the drive in in that back seat"
"That wasn't me!," she turned around sharply. I never did sit in the back seat of a 57 Chevy with you" "You had a 65 Dart when we were dating."
"'65 Dart!," I exclaimed.
"Who did you sit with in the back seat of a 57 Chevy ?"
"You," I screamed.
"Wasn't me," she screamed back," Now who was it?"
"I have to get back to mowing," I passed The chocolate cake on my way out.
In my 57 Chevy seat in the now crowded storage, I was now completely confused. 65 Dart. Garden of Eden. '57 Chevy. The chocolate cake.
What has happened to my memory? Am I getting senile?
Any how now I'm sitting amongst my son's junk, My daughter's car is probably getting close to empty again, the mowing isn't finished yet, my wife is asking questions I can't answer and worst of all I don't know if I will get any of The cake.
So I decided to write this article and here it is: "a" Well, I told you I was confused.
Teresa Oritz (42 days 12 hours ago.)
Very funny, Leo! My husband is like your wife... I'll say don't you remember... and he swares up and down that it wasn't him. When I pull out the proof, he says I had the picture spliced. HA! You men and your memory. Although, we wives do a good job of confusing you guys. I hope you get your lawn mowed soon. And I do hope you get that piece of chocolate cake. Thanks for the smile. Teresa Respond to this comment
Leo Ponder(243) Leo Ponder (41 days 22 hours ago.)
I did and I did. But you have to remember Teresa, Men are totally different from women HA!
Love the comment about your husband. This is for your husband: Good Job, hang in there.
Thanks very much. Couldn't do without you.
Leo Respond to this comment
Marty RicKard(1,911) Marty RicKard (42 days 4 hours ago.)
Dear Leo: Love it. I joined your fan club. Can you tell me about yourself. I knew some Ponders near rural Newton, Iowa. Any chance you know them? Keep up the great work. Marty RicKard Respond to this comment
Leo Ponder(243) Leo Ponder (41 days 22 hours ago.)
Hello Marty, Thanks for commenting.
I don't know of any relatives from Iowa. Since Iowa is made up of the most normal people in the world it's a slim chance I'm kin to any, although I sure would love to claim it.
Thanks for the kind words and for joining my fan club. I'm always flattered when someone becomes my fan. It sure makes one feel worthy.
Thanks Leo Respond to this comment
Leo Ponder(243) Leo Ponder (41 days 22 hours ago.)
Hello Dianne, Thanks for the comment.
You know what you just did with your comment, you just gave me hope for my writing, and it was the best observation, since all writing (I think) is the ability of the reader to relate to the
story. You just made my day. If it all sounds pretty normal to you then I am not too far off base.
Thanks much
Leo Respond to this comment
Rich Nicastro (41 days 17 hours ago.)
Hi Leo,
I really enjoyed your article--great wit and style of writing.
sue thom from nj (41 days 16 hours ago.)
hi leo,
anytime you'd like to mow our 2 acres, we'd be happy to have you, but i don't know how to make THE chocolate cake. i can do wonders with some lemons for fresh lemonade, though. isn't it funny how sometimes, we get the best stories out of having nothing in mind? i guess that's why seinfeld is so funny. i enjoyed your article,
thank you,
best regards,
sue thom Respond to this comment
Myla Madson(1,978) Myla Madson (37 days 22 hours ago.)
Hey Leo. I know what you are saying about the grass. I moved out to the country a while back and have about an acre or so to mow, which I hate to do and the kids purposely wreck any type of device made for working in order to get out of it so I bought a couple of goats...to eat the grass of course. After spending a $100 bucks on the goats, $750.00 for the fence to keep them from mowing other peoples lawns, $65 for hay and grain (grass will only get a goat so far), my neighbor comes over and said I could have hired his kid for three summers to cut the grass with all the money I spent on the goats, who, he reminded me, were going to cost me a fortune come winter in food bills when there was no grass to mow. Jeez, aren't neighbors about the dumbest idea we ever came up with? Great story Leo, always enjoy your stuff. Respond to this comment
Leo Ponder(243) Leo Ponder (37 days 22 hours ago.)
Ha! Goat mowers! Great idea, Myla. I love it! But then again I can imagine running that by my wife. It would make another article, at least. I always say
that she is NOT the boss, I just like the way she runs things.Ha
Thanks for your comments Leo
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