A lovely woman recently wrote a comment on an article of mine, thanking me for the missive and saying that she'd be sharing it with her daughter. In this comment, she noted that 'it's natural to look to the negative'. This caught my attention immediately. I wondered if this is true. Is it 'natural' to look on the negative side of things or is it a learned behaviour? A curious question indeed.
The article she was referring to was entitled 'The Art of Change ~ Resistance Is Futile!'. In this article I mentioned that it seemed to me that at some point in my life I went from viewing change as a really grand adventure to the skewed perspective of viewing it with dread. I recalled that period in my life when 'change' meant something really exciting was about to happen. New possibilites. New explorations. Cause for excitement and wonder, as opposed to fear and discomfort.
So, if this was how I viewed change as a child, it would then seem logical to surmise that 'looking to the negative' was something I learned, not something that came 'naturally'. As children, we are like little sponges. Every word spoken, every feeling emoted by our parents and other adults around us is immediately soaked up and stored. Even if those adults are doing their best to hide their feelings, children can sense them the same way a dog senses fear. It's intuition at it's best. So we soak up all this 'stuff' and store it somewhere in our little brains, only to find that one day those feelings rise up and become our own beliefs. Whether or not we dismiss them as not our own remains a mystery. Sometimes we do. Sometimes we don't. In fact, it's been my experience that more often than not, we don't even know where most of the beliefs we hold as adults came from. They're just there.
So then, if we start out viewing Life as a grand and exciting adventure, then one day view it as a scary and treacherous journey, would it be safe to say that our 'negative' perspectives are learned? It would seem so. It appears that nearly all the negative emotions we carry with us as 'grown-ups' are learned. Starting with fear and ending with hate. Learned from those people who reared us, or taught us or preached to us as we grew from childhood to adulthood. It's very likely that most of them didn't do it on purpose or even know they were doing it. It's just as likely that we didn't know it either. Case in point:
When I was a small child, maybe 5 or 6 years old, I had a great love of the water. It didn't matter if it was the beach, a lake or a swimming pool, I could be found at the edge of the water, bugging my dad to take me for a swim. On Sundays during the summer, my mother would pack a basket full of food and drinks and we'd head to the beach where my mother would dig for clams and my father would swim out to the end of the docks and do laps from the dock to the jetty and back. He'd have me lay on his back and wrap my arms around his neck, and swim with me as his little passenger. I can still remember his muscles moving so fluidly as he took each stroke, easily making his way back and forth from one point to the other. To this day, it remains one of my fondest memories of him. But that's not the only thing I experienced each time we did this. Right as my dad would get ready to hit the water, my mom would beg him to leave me on shore with her. It terrified her that he carried me on his back, saying that I could lose my grip, fall off and drown. Each time this conversation began, my dad would calmly explain (over and over!) that there was NO WAY he'd ever let me drown. A few minutes of soothing and we'd be off again, swimming out and then across his chosen path.
As it turns out, my dad's view of the water and his enjoyment of swimming with me on his back became the more dominant feeling for me. Lucky for me he 'won' this particular battle. But I still remember how frightened she'd get when I made my way into the ocean, even after I was swimming on my own. My dad was never far from me as we frolicked and swam our laps. But she'd sit there on the beach and I just know she was holding her breath the whole time, waiting for us to come back to shore. I found out later that she'd had a very traumatic experience as a young woman while visiting Coney Island, and she just never got over it. The point is, even though she was merely trying to keep me safe, her fear could very well have become my own, had it not been for my dad. His love of the water won out over her fear of it. Thank goodness!
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really don't believe that 'looking to the negative side' of things is so much natural as it is learned. We carry lots of behaviours that really don't serve us well, and until we take the time to look at them, it would be easy to call them 'natural'. Every now and then, I like to sit with pen in hand and take a sort of 'inventory' of my beliefs. I write them down and once finished, I look them over to see if they are mine or someone elses that got passed on to me. When I find those beliefs that either don't belong to me or no longer serve me, I cross them off my 'list' and replace them with new ones. New ones that serve me and are my own. It's a handy way of keeping my perspectives 'fresh'. So here's to unloading all the 'negatives' and moving on to more positive thoughts. Blessings to all~
Camille Olivia Strate is an author and coach who takes great pleasure in helping folks 'remember' who they are. She spends much of her time with her beloved animals, maintaining that they are her greatest connection to Source. When she's not coaching or writing, she can be found in the garden or on a trail, soaking in the marvels of Nature's offerings.
Her latest book, "Whispers" is now available in eBook format. Hardcopy to follow soon!
Camille Olivia Strate is a writer and critter keeper who lives in the foothills of Southern California. Her greatest passion is helping people care for their critters. Teaching folks the language of animals so the can 'hear' what they need is among her greatest achievements. A new non-profit called The RAJA Project is about to launch, offering financial assistance to elderly citizens who might otherwise be unable to pay for their pets' Veterinary needs. Visit her personal site at http://www.joyzachoice.com
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» left by Teresa Ortiz(4,608) Teresa Ortiz (231 days 11 hours ago.)
Hi Camille, what a fantastic job you did here. I do agree that it is "learned", but who were they learned from? This is something that goes back to the beginning of mankind. The first parents. So where did they get it from? I think we are both correct here. :-) I am with you on your last sentence. "So here's to unloading all the negatives!! Amen to that, sister! Respond to this comment
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