It doesn't matter how much you love someone, it takes time for your love to be trusted
It took a wounded dog to teach us a valuable life and leadership lesson
Redford was getting on my nerves. We have a large porch built on the back of our home, with several steps leading down to the yard. These steps are about 12 feet wide and provide not just steps down to the yard, but a place to sit when we have poolside get-togethers in our backyard.
Unfortunately, this specific afternoon, Redford had wedged himself underneath the steps halfway between each end 6 feet away from any of us being able to reach him. Not only was he 6 feet away from our reach, he was lying in a pool of muddy water. To compound the problem, it was raining "cats and dogs" which seemed fitting, since Redford was our newly adopted Golden Retriever. Increasing my frustration was the fact that I needed to leave for the airport immediately, and every minute I tried to get Redford to come out from under the steps moved me closer to missing my business flight.
Here's a brief history on Redford: Redford came to us by way of a Golden Retriever rescue group in Houston, Texas, as part of a nationwide effort to save 66 Goldens who were being abused and neglected at a puppy mill in Arkansas in the fall of 2004. We were fortunate to contact the Houston rescue group at just the right time when they were trying to find homes for Redford and several other Goldens. Our family has been a Golden Retriever family for years. One of our family dogs had died a few months earlier, and now, Redford was our newest pet. "Redford" wasn't his given name. The truth of the matter was, while he was a year old when we got him, he probably didn't respond to any name until the rescue group showed up to take him out of the puppy mill. One of the rescue group leaders named him Redford because of his red coat. Prior to being rescued, Redford most likely spent his days living in a 2-foot by 2-foot crate, only being let out to eat, go to the bathroom and to be used as a breeding sire.
The first time I approached him he cowered and put his tail between his legs. He did that around men a lot those first days and weeks. I suspect he was hit by a man during his puppy mill days, and for many months he carried the fear of men with him; to some extent he still does and probably always will. While less scared around women and children, Redford still lacks the joy and affection born into all Golden Retrievers. Furthermore, because he was neglected and abused, Redford didn't develop the desire to please his owners that is one of the characteristics that make Goldens such wonderful pets.
Despite these issues (or maybe because of them), our family fell in love with Redford immediately. We've adopted six Goldens in the prior twenty years, and we knew with love and consistency he would come out of his shell.
Redford had no idea how lucky he was. One week he was barely surviving in a squalid puppy mill, the next week he had won the equivalent of the "doggie lottery." I wish I could have the life of a dog in our family! Sammi, our other Golden, is his new best friend. Rascal, the cat, loves dogs, plays hide-and-seek with them, even sleeps with them. We have a large yard with lots of room to run and romp; I'm convinced at times our in-ground pool is more for the Goldens than our family members they can swim and play all day long. Regular walks and runs, frequent trips to the local ice cream parlor that gives out free "puppy cups," a sleeping pad by the master bedroom, good food, lots of affection, and a loving family who will spend whatever we need to on top quality veterinarian care what a life!
Here's the challenge Redford just didn't get it. He didn't know how lucky he was. He had no idea how good we would be to him. And so that rainy Sunday afternoon, he wedged himself underneath the porch, muddy and wet, trying to hide from us because he didn't trust us.
Eventually we got him out from under the steps. Some muddy jeans and wet clothes, a number of very dirty towels, mud on hands and knees and the job was done. We got him cleaned up, dried off and back in the house. I even got to the airport in time for my flight!
Three years have transpired since the incident under the steps. But Redford still doesn't completely trust us. Just last night my shoe made a slight noise as it hit our tiled hallway floor, and Redford jumped and took off running. It is sad and frustrating his life has taken a turn not just for the better, but for the much better; we wish he would just "get it" and quit being afraid. Unfortunately, until Redford fully trusts us, he won't be able to fully experience his new freedoms and our love.
As I reflected on Redford's response to us, it slowly dawned on me that his response to us is often our response to the people around us. Indeed, while Redford needs to learn lots of new life lessons from us, we've also come to realize there are important life lessons we need to learn from him.
Redford Principle #1
One of the most insightful lessons he is teaching us is the subject of this article. Redford Principle #1 is simple yet profound: "No matter how much you love someone, it takes time for your love to be trusted."
We loved Redford from the minute we saw him. To paraphrase Renee Zellweger's character from the movie Jerry McGuire, "Redford, you had us when we said Hello." But Redford didn't appreciate it. He couldn't believe that he would never again lack a roof over his head, good food and a safe environment.
And even when we did consistently take care of him and show him our love, he still didn't get it. He continued to run and hide for weeks and even months. The ground under the steps was frequented by him on a regular basis.
It has now been more than three years since we rescued Redford. In those three years, we've spent a lot of time with him. And indeed, it is the time that we've spent with him that has helped him to slowly understand. Our love hasn't changed, but now, when he comes running at our call, tail wagging and goofy Golden Retriever grin on his face (yes, dogs do smile!), we can see that his trust of our love has grown.
P.S.:
Organizational leaders: let's not overlook the workplace translation of Redford Principle #1: "No matter how much we care for our team members, it takes time for them to trust us."
» left by Sandra E. Graham(2,240) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Ar. USA (226 days 13 hours ago.)
Wonderful article, Andy. Love is the universal language and one that I'm sure Redford will learn eventually. Don't give up hope. And yes, it's true--a trust and love earned is trust and love that will last even if it takes a very long time. It reminds me of a story I heard recently of a young man who went to church for the first time one Sunday morning. His father had just passed away. After hearing the sermon and with tears streaming down his face the young man went to the front of the church and was saved that day. As he left the church, he shook the preacher's hand and confessed that his real reason for coming that day was to see what his father found so compelling about the church. The preacher smiled and said, "son, your father came here every Sunday for fifteen years and prayed that his son would accept Christ as his savior." Sometimes good things do take longer.
Bless you all.
SEG Respond to this comment
» left by Susan Thom(8,705) Susan Thom (226 days 1 hour ago.)
hi dr. andy,
this was such a heart warming and pleasant story. thank you for sharing it with us, i had a golden for 12 years, and loved him, as he was also very protective of my 3 kids.
best regards,
sue thom Respond to this comment
Was this article helpful to you? Leave a Public Comment or
Question:
This Article has been viewed 13
times.
Article added to SearchWarp.com on Wednesday, April 09, 2008 View other articles written by Dr. Andy Neillie(0)
If you found this article interesting, you may want to check out:
Disclaimer: All information on this site is provided for informational purposes only! By no means is any
information presented herein intended to substitute for the advice provided to you by any health care or other professional
or organization.
