This review may be reprinted provided the author's name and link are included and the author is notified.
Arrow Books, 2007, $19.95
pb., pp. 401, ISBN: 24681097531
Reviewer: Hannah Quinn
if I am
missing or dead is a gut wrenching, eye-opening book; and a page turner! It is not
fiction, however; it is an account of an all-too-real scenario of how women,
even loved, intelligent and successful women can fall prey to men who do them
harm: emotional, physical, life-threatening. This book is also a dedication to
her younger sister, Amy, the much loved baby of the family. No-one knew Amy was
in trouble until she went missing.
In
retrospect, the signs were there, but it was too late. Amy was dead.
Janine? my sister Jane says. Have
you heard from Amy?
He killed her, I say into the phone.
That bastard killed her.
The
only lead they have into what has happened to Amy is a note taped inside her
desk at work:
In
the event of my disappearance or death ... I fear I have placed myself at risk
in a variety of ways ...
Janine
is a successful, educated woman; a working journalist with a broad view of the
world. She knows she is loved by her family and is close to her siblings. She
has struggled to put herself through university, scrimping and saving and
staying determined. She is a woman who can survive, make do and sustain herself.
Yet
she enters abusive relationships; as does Amy. Michael breaks ribs, blackens
her eyes, kicks her in the kidney. Then, he cradles her. Oh, baby, he says,
I love you so much. Why do you have to go and push my buttons?
Then
she meets Kurt.
…
he knows I am a battered woman and he wants me anyway. He lights up even though
he knows … I can be ugly and I can …
make someone so mad that he beats me.
Attentive
and affectionate, Kurt is also jealous, demanding and sexualizes his wife. He
likes her to dress in mini-skirts, tight tops, stockings and high heels. He even ‘coerces' her into breast
enlargements she doesn't want, and is often ‘inappropriate' in public: an unnerving
echo of her father.
Amy,
too, has experienced a difficult marriage, weight problems and cancer. Even
after becoming single, losing the weight and working successfully, loneliness
leads her to the net, where she meets Ron Lee Ball.
Meanwhile,
Kurt's behaviour becomes more jealous and erratic. He even leaves Janine on the
beach, asleep, letting her dehydrate and burn. He has stalked off… Pissed ...
Until recently I would have run after him …
Rebuilding
her life and self-esteem as a single woman, Janine is on an upward path when
she gets the call about Amy.
Hi,
sweets, I say. What are you doing?
I'm
planting impatiens ... I'm using my bread maker, too, she says.
I say, I love you.
Love
you, too, she says.
I'll
never talk with her again.
if I am
missing or dead is both an honest
recounting of love, violence and loss, and a cautionary tale. Abused women,
especially if they stay, and they almost always stay, are considered by many as
weak, stupid or, in some cases, deserving. This book can shatter those false
beliefs. Latus displays her ownership for her actions. Despite being an
educated and successful woman, she believes she needs the love of a man, one
who obviously loves her dearly despite what he brings to the relationship. She
is also not reticent about admitting that she could give as good as she got, at
least initially. In time, though, eroded by the constant criticism,
opportunistic slurs and emotional blackmail, she succumbs on a deeply
psychological level.
Her
first relationship with a man, that of her father, is far from ideal and is, in
fact, abusive in itself. Latus never falls into a maudlin state of blaming him.
She presents her family with a degree of calm and dispassion, allowing the
reader to draw their own conclusions. This comes from her journalistic skills
and is an admirable recounting of some difficulty times and experiences as well
as one of love, fun and togetherness.
This
journalistic approach, and her consummate writing abilities, give this
autobiographical tale an added level of validity and easy reading, to the point
of wanting to turn the page rather than turn off the light.
And
examples: when anyone in the family phoned Amy, including her mother, Ron would
answer the phone and make up some excuse why they couldn't talk to her,
effectively isolating her. He even told her mother that he had killed her and
buried her in the back yard. Although it made everyone uneasy, and far from
funny, they thought he was only making sick jokes. They could not suspect what
would happen.
Highly
recommended, especially for those wanting to know some of the signs of when a loved one
is in trouble, but is not telling.
Janine Latus has the following author site: www.janinelatus.com
Jane Latus Emmert, another sister, is an artist from Montana and has developed and dedicated a whole area of her art to Amy, called Angel Cloud Art. The site is: http://www.jlcdesigns.com/
© Hannah Quinn 2008 |
