Do you have a friend who is going through a tough time – Engaged in a serious battle with disease? Recently lost a loved one? Recovering from surgery? Compassion is prompting you to help. You say, "If there's anything I can do, let me know." And you sincerely mean every word. You would honestly be honored to have your friend call and ask you to do something. But he or she probably won't call. If you really want to help, there is a better way.
Offer specific help. Look for some practical thing that your friend needs or may need. Offer to do that thing. The Golden Rule, as stated by Jesus, says, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." That requires you to get in the other person's shoes and have a look around. It's easier than most of us imagine.
My wife had shoulder surgery last Thursday. A few of our close friends contacted us to see if they could bring a few meals for the first few days after surgery. Yesterday another friend called to say he would like to bring us BBQ from one of our favorite restaurants that evening. At dinner time, Kathy and I had some of the best barbeque ever; it was delicious, free, and delivered by old friends who still love us. Two friends came and sat with me for four hours in the waiting room while the surgeon did his thing.
If any of our friends had simply said, "Let us know if there's anything we can do", we would have called none of them to ask for a meal to be delivered. I would not have asked anyone to join me at the surgery center on Thursday. But when we were asked, "Can we bring a meal over on Friday and Saturday?", we said "You bet, and thanks for the thoughtfulness". When I was asked, "Can I come keep you company during Kathy's surgery?" I welcomed the offer.
Our friends got in our shoes enough to realize that Kathy would not feel like preparing any meals for a few days, at least. Furthermore, they realized that, if the cooking were left up to me, both her health and mine might be further jeopardized. Actually, we would have survived without help. But the help our friends offered really made a difference. And that is what all of us hope for when we offer help.
When you get in the shoes of a struggling friend, you should realize that they have all the regular chores of life as well as the extra burden of their circumstance. Those regular chore items are great practical places to offer help.
May I mow your yard, rake your leaves, or shovel your sidewalk?
Can I run the vacuum cleaner, a load of laundry?
Can I take your son to ball practice, your daughter to her piano lesson?
Can I pick up some bread, milk or something else from the store for you?
Could I sit with your mother while you run some errands this week?
Can we pick up your kids for church?
Be careful not to imply something that is insulting in your attempt to help. If you are standing in the middle of their messy living room, an offer to run the vacuum might not be taken well. If you want to offer a meal, and you are not well acquainted with the family dietary habits, ask if they have any special diet needs. Ask if they like whatever you are thinking of making. If you brought liver and onions to my house, it would make my day, but make my kids gag.
You can be of real help, if you will think of some specific, practical ways you could help, and then offer to do it. |
