When I was in my twenties, I realized that something was not right
between my parents. When they would have a fight, my Mom usually won.
She would take control of the conversation and it would end up with my
Dad saying, "Yes, dear." She always had to have the last word. Not all
the time, but most of the time.
It wasn't until I was 32 years old did I start to understand what
all that was about. Control! My mom has control issues. But…I firmly
believe that she did not start out that way. It was forced upon her. By
who? By my Dad.
Now don't get me wrong, I love both of my parents very much, but
they are classic examples of what goes on in many couples throughout
the past few decades.
You see…my husband and I took a Marriage Counseling Course and it
helped us tremendously. I was able to release a lot of built up anger
towards my ex-husband, my parents, my sister, my family, and others. I
learned the real reason why Mom was the way she was.
When I was a child, I believed that my Dad was God…pretty much. I
put him on a pedestal. There was nothing that my Dad could do that was
wrong. If there was a problem…it was Mom's fault. Always. I felt that
way even after their divorce. Until…this course.
I finally understood that my Mom was the way she was because my Dad
did not take the reigns of the relationship and did not become the Head
of the Household that God had ordained him to be when he got married to
her. Someone had to be the Head of the Household and because my dad did
not step up to the plate, my Mom had to take over.
I am sure that over time she became angry over that and she needed
someone to "cover" her the way a husband is supposed to cover his wife.
Because my Dad did not provide that for her, she had to do things
herself…and to their detriment, they are no longer together.
I am sure that this was not the only reason why they got divorced, but I realize now that it was a big part of it.
This affected me to doing the very exact same thing with my
ex-husband. I wanted to control him and he wanted to control me. He
would back down for a while but then when he got tired of being the
bossed around all the time, it got physical…that was his way of
controlling. Thankfully, my Dad was not like that.
You see, men…it is destructive behavior for you to not take your
role as the Head of the Household…the provider, the protector, the
"coverer". Now…I am not saying that the wife should not get a job…I
have a job. That is not what I am saying…but it gets frustrating to us
women to have to make all the decisions by ourselves, to have to do
everything by ourselves, to learning about God by ourselves, etc…
Men…you have to step up to the plate. You have to take on your responsibilities when you get married and do as God's Word says:
"Place yourselves under each other's authority out of
respect for Christ. Wives, place yourselves under your husbands'
authority as you have placed yourselves under the Lord's authority. The
husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. It
is his body, and he is its Savior. As the church is under Christ's
authority, so wives are under their husbands' authority in everything.
Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave his life
for it. He did this to make the church holy by cleansing it, washing it
using water along with spoken words. Then he could present it to
himself as a glorious church, without any kind of stain or wrinkle-holy
and without faults. So husbands must love their wives as they love
their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. No one ever
hated his own body. Instead, he feeds and takes care of it, as Christ
takes care of the church. We are parts of his body. That's why a man
will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the
two will be one. This is a great mystery. (I'm talking about Christ's
relationship to the church.) But every husband must love his wife as he
loves himself, and wives should respect their husbands." Eph 5:21-33
(GW)
Women…I know that the word "submission" is a tough word for us,
because we don't want anyone to "rule" over us. Women's lib stuff.
Well…according to God's Word, we are to be submitted to our husband's
authority as we are submitted to God's authority. But…it also says that
the husband is supposed to love his wife as he loves the church. You
cannot love and submit to a man who blatantly does something out of
God's will…i.e. beats you, controls you with mind manipulation, etc…
and vice versa, I might add.
I hope that this helps…it has taken me a long time to finally
respect my husband enough to submit under his authority. Sometimes, my
controlling attitude rises up and wants to take over, but I am reminded
of these verses and I soon ask for forgiveness I read the verse on a
constant basis as well as listening to the voice of the Lord.
Will you take this seriously? Well…It all depends on whether or not you choose to obey God's Word. |
