The All True horoscope includes several advances over the old-fashioned
conventional type you can see in many magazines and papers.
Using
amazing techniques developed through centuries of patient study by men
and women all over the globe, we have been able to not only increase
the accuracy to almost 100%, but we have also been able to compress the
unwieldy twelve categories of the conventional horoscope into just one!
But
perhaps the most incredible advance over conventional horoscopes is
that the All True horoscope can be re-used every day YET WILL STILL
RETAIN ITS ACCURACY!
Sounds impossible I hear you say....but I invite you to see for yourself:
Aripiscetaurariusminicorncersagitleopioirgobra (Jan 1 - Dec 31)
Events will happen today, and may be good or bad. Your ability to communicate, if possessed, may help in any interactions with other members of your species, should there be any.
Mars,
the red planet, will likely continue orbiting the sun entirely
oblivious of your existence, but then Mars, in as much as it can be
said to have a personality at all (not much, as it doesn't), is a
master of obliviousness.
Venus, the goddess of feminine razor
blades, is a fictional entity, but that won't stop the identically
named planet continuing to possess a corrosive atmosphere and
unpleasant surface temperature!
Stars across the heavens will
spectacularly fail to notice you today, as they did yesterday too but
don't let them get you down - interactions of phsyical objects a little
closer to home will likely be more significant factors in how today
pans out for you!
The galaxies will continue their cosmic dance
today without taking time-out to offer you vague financial advice or
hint that you will meet a tall dark stranger (which, with Saturn
ascendant may or - with mighty Jupiter in the House of Fraser - may
not, happen today).
Susan Thom(8,101) Susan Thom (25 days 17 hours ago.)
hi ben,
this was a clever, well written article.
i have to admit, though, my sign has my characteristics down pat.
thanks for sharing with us,
best regards,
sue thom
Jean Horst(1,016) Jean Horst (22 days 20 hours ago.)
Love this one, Ben. I once tried an experiment with my newspaper horoscope where I read EVERY horoscope every day for a week & , sure enough, each one had something on each day that applied to me.
Ben Morrish(696) Ben Morrish (22 days 20 hours ago.)
Thanks for reading Jean, I'm glad you liked it!
A cruel but fun trick to play with horoscopes is to ask a colleague what sign they are and then read out a different sign's horoscope - 9 times out of 10 they'll say "ooh, that's so true!", and then look quite embarassed when you apologise and tell them you read out the wrong one ;-)
Sandra E. Graham(842) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Arkansas, USA (22 days 19 hours ago.)
Hey, Ben. I loved this! I read the horoscopes only when one happens to be placed in front of me---once a year or so. I also read fortune cookies--more often, as I love Chinese food---but as I leave the restaurant, I only remember what I ate, not what I read. Ha. Loved your article. Sandra
Ken McCreless(547) Ken McCreless (19 days 15 hours ago.)
Ben, does this mean that when my wife's fortune cookie said "Happiness is sitting next to you" that it could have applied to anyone?!?! OMG!!! Awesome stuff!!
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