Submitted by: Mary Greenwood(45) marygreenwood Log in to become a member of Mary Greenwood's Fan Club!
What are the three words we want to hear the most, even more than "I love you?" We love to hear those magic words, "You are right." For some people, this is even harder to say than "I love you." And if you say, "You are absolutely right," that is even better. When someone says, "It is the principle that counts" or "It is not the money, it's the principle," I know that the negotiation is in trouble. That is because the party is making a judgment call that it is more important to be a martyr than settle the case. When someone is obsessed with the principle of a situation, he is still emotionally vested in his feelings. Unless you can get beyond those emotions, the dispute is not likely to be resolved. However, you can use this to your advantage. Since the other side has told you it is not the money but the principle, you may be able to give an apology, change your procedures, or do something else that is within the party's principles. You have go get beyond who is right and who is wrong to get to what is going to resolve the case. Feeling that you are right can be a heady emotion, but it has no place in a negotiation.
It is not always someone's fault. There are situations where no one is to blame and there is no right or wrong side. Both sides often assume that the other side has done something wrong: that the other person is lying and untrustworthy.Try to get beyond the immediate distrust and ask factual questions about the problem. Sometimes an innocent mistake has been made by one of the parties, who did not even realize it; sometimes the mistake was made by a third party. Parties that are concerned with what is right rather than settlement often don't want to compromise. If you want the negotiation to move forward, you may have to be the first one to give in or start the initiative, or even accept some of the blame. If the other side is only interested in being right, chances are the problem won't be resolved. Try saying, "You are right" and if you are really daring, say ,"You are absolutely right." See where it takes you.
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