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WHAT HAPPENED TO RESPECT? (AM I ALONE IN MY VIEWS?)
I hear my sister-in-law say to the sales clerk, “thank you for being so nice and polite to me." It caused me to wonder if the world had turned so sour, we are now thankful for a rare polite encounter.
Just a few moments prior to that, a young woman brushed by my sister-in-law as she struggled with her walker while trying to look at the items in the store. Thankfully, she didn’t make her lose her balance.
That same day, I gave my 86 year old neighbor a nice light blue rug with a flowery design on it. She loved the rug. Although we had paid a few hundred dollars for it, I rejoiced in giving it to her because she was so enthusiastic. “Oh, Honey, it is so beautiful" she would say. When I hauled it across the street, her daughter did not acknowledge my presence but simply said, “I don’t like flowers." Making sure that I got the message, she said, I’m not a flower person, it just won’t fit in." I said I had to go home and left that poor 86 year old woman with her ungrateful daughter. What happened to diplomacy? Could she have said, “thanks, but no, thanks" or “what a nice gesture." How about “hi" or even acknowledging my presence? How about the embarrassment that her mother must be experiencing?
The supermarket is a dangerous place. In fact, when my children were toddlers, I always left them home with their father while I did my shopping. You see women who look so cold and in a hurry that you think they could kill! They could run over little children’s toes like a lawn mower and not even know it.
Pregnancy seems to bring out all kinds of unsolicited advice. Once I was shopping with my very pregnant daughter around the Christmas Holidays. A woman came up to her and said that my daughter should really be at home. Another, wanted to feel her tummy. OK, I’ll give them a break. Maybe they were concerned. That being said, it really hurt my daughters feelings.
Feelings- - - -we all have them. Are other people responsible for our feelings? Should we try to avoid “hurt feelings?" Feelings are ours. We own them. Even if they are not appropriate or others feel we are being too sensitive, these are our feelings and they cannot be denied.
I don’t specifically remember my parents sitting me down for a “politeness talk" but I watched how they lived their life. I read somewhere that politeness is nothing more than considering other people’s feelings. My parents were most considerate of others and would extend themselves so much for others, while putting themselves last. I remember once, as a young adult, I was visiting my parents. There seemed to be quite a disturbance among one of the neighbors. We heard angry shouting that seemed to get louder. My father walked over and knocked on their door. Instead of complaining about all the noise, he simply asked if there was anything he could do to help. My dad had a way of making a less fortunate person feel rich and an older man feel young. He listened patiently to others without interruption.
Was my father “polite" or did he consider my feelings? You bet he did. My first broken heart broke Daddy’s heart, too. He came to my room, as I was lying down on my bed with tears in his eyes to tell me how sorry he was.
Anyone that came to our house was asked to “please be seated" and then we would serve tea, coffee or whatever was available. That was so that they could FEEL comfortable.
When I grew up and knocked on my neighbor’s door for a social call, I was asked “what can I do for you?" That was the first time I ever heard that expression. It was an obvious way to let me know that she didn’t have time to visit, even though she “popped in" at my house frequently.
How about all the invasive phone calls during meals or in the evening? It now seems OK to disturb anyone, anytime. One morning at 3:00am our telephone rang. Knowing my mother-in-law was old and frail, I knew this must be bad news. When I answered the telephone, a computerized message came on and the call identifier did not show a number. Then, at 4:00am, it rang again, and then at 6:00am, it rang again. It turns out the phone company could do nothing, since the call came from out of state. We had two options. We either had to get another telephone number or live with it!
Should it be an accepted practice to answer your cell phone, no matter what you are doing? I wonder how the minister felt the day he heard a cell phone ringing in the congregation. Should I even mention I don’t particularly want to hear someone’s telephone conversation in public places?
How can we even begin to understand Iraq if we don’t even try to understand and consider our fellow man?
Did my southern upbringing just make me more vulnerable to disappointment with so much rudeness. Perhaps I need to change my standard of what is “polite" and what is “OK"
My Webster Thesaurus has about three times more space taken up with the meaning of “rudeness" than “politeness." Does that mean that rude is more common than being polite?
Must life be so “harsh" and “hard-nosed?" It feels like a fight every day when I go out into the world. Should I hope for a salesclerk that is at least civil? Should I teach my grandchildren to be considerate and polite or will that cause them to be bullied by other children?
When someone goes ahead of me in the supermarket, should I expect anything different? Are they busier or more important than me?
When did this lack of consideration happen? Why do I feel that I’m on another planet sometimes? What are our children seeing in us? Even if we don’t know it, they are watching us and hearing what we say.
Should I quit smiling or acknowledging people? Should I try to “fit in" better and be more avant-garde?
Maybe I’m living in the wrong era and God forgot I was supposed to be in the “Little House on the Prairie" era. Maybe I’m a “politeness nut" who should “get over it" and accept reality.
Maybe I should just be sad that others did not have my wonderful parents, who were always considerate and polite.
I guess I never thought this genteel way would fade away. I just blinked once and when I opened my eyes, the world looked so different.
She is currently writing for The Pasco Shopper (Fl.) and The Highlands at Scotland Yards. Also writes poetry and short stories.She has a new personal web site:http://thedragonflylady.com/
» left by Anonymous from New York (2 years 165 days ago.)
I would totally agree with what you said here, I'm a 20 year old man, I just happened to type this topic into google and this came up. I was raised in a similar way, all we can do is just stay true to what we have learned, the rest will fix itself. Respond to this comment
» left by Fran Larson(1,852) Fran Larson (2 years 47 days ago.)
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my article. It is so refreshing that you have been taught good values. As a young man in todays world, I applaud you and know that your kindness to others will be much appreciated.
Would it be OK with you if I posted your comment on my website ?
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