In Chapter 4 of "A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose," author Eckhart Tolle states, "When you are completely identified with a role, you confuse a pattern of behavior with who you are, and you take yourself very seriously. You also automatically assign roles to others that correspond to yours."--page 91
There is so much role-playing that the ego does that it truly is difficult to peel away the layers and get to the real person inside. Yet that is the goal of true awakening.
We play so many roles in life and yet these roles are not really who we are. A prime example is when we are in a romantic relationship with another person. We have a conceptualization of ourselves and another of our partner, and a mental image of how we should interact with one another. In turn, our partner has his or her own self-image along with one of us and how that relates to us as a couple. In essence these four mental conceptualizations between two people are "ultimate fictions," according to Eckhart. The end result is conflict.
While role-playing these "fictions," we spend so much time and effort trying to please another, playing the role of life partners, building a relationship together, planning for our futures together, raising a family, making a living, climbing the ladder to success, and looking to these roles as our source of happiness. Our identities become too seriously connected to the image of ourselves and the image of our partner.
Although we may look to our partners as the source of our happiness, relying on another to bring the happiness we seek never works. When they play the role we have for them well, we think we are happy. When they don't play the role the way we conceptualize it, we become disappointed and unhappy.
Yet we can choose to react differently. It is not the person who makes us sad, happy, mad, or frustrated but rather our choice of how we react to our perceived identity or role of that person.
The key to the beginning of an authentic relationship then becomes when we turn inward and peel away the layers of roles with which we currently identify. It is not important if our partner understands it, approves or even participates. Each person progresses at his or her own pace.
When we become more present with our partner and look for peace, we will find ourselves listening more to our partner. This will and does affect our relationship in a positive way. While our partners may not be in agreement or understand our awakening, they will be able to feel a sense of peace by just being in our presence. They will feel understood and sense a deeper connection because of it. The result will be a more authentic relationship, particularly if our partner also begins to awaken by becoming aware of the role-playing inside.
Barbara A. Clark has been a professional in higher education for over
25 years. She holds a Master's degree in Counseling from the University
of Iowa and completed all course requirements for a Ph.D in
International Comparative Education before several life-changing events
interrupted her studies. It was during the interruption that Barbara
discovered her passion for service to the world through love and
intention. She is passionate about her new journey as "The Spirited
Strider," serving the world in love, one step at a time. Website:http://spiritedstrider.googlepages.com Blog: http://spiritedstrider.blogspot.com
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