I was having a conversation with a casual friend the other day and when I told him how it was hell getting old he asked me how old I was. I told him I will be 60 this summer and he seemed shocked. He stated he was five years younger but that I looked much younger then him. I thanked him but didn't tell him the real reason for the disparity in looks was because I looked 60 and he looked 70.
People always like to say that you are as old as you feel or as old as you think but that isn't really true. You are actually as old as you are. A person can just make the best of it or start withering into someone who even looks and acts older then you really are.
There are some great advantages to being old and I revel in them as they help take the sting out of my becoming a sexagenarian.
The first is obvious. Being able to place myself in any category of age that includes the word sex in the nomenclature can't be all bad.
The only problem is that when I tell one of my vocabulary challenged friends that I am a sexagenarian they always ask if I had to register with the police department and to not go near their grandchildren.
Last week we had what many news reports called a "teeth rattling" tremor in the area. That mini-earthquake didn't bother me at all as while I was in bed my teeth were rattling in the TV room on the snack tray.
As a young man I constantly had to fight dandruff but I don't have that problem anymore. Oh, I still have a bit but it seems the dandruff particles, having to work harder to find a hair follicle to cling to, have decided to move on to hairier pastures.
I recall always getting a zit just before an important occasion or date as a young man but zits seem to have the life span of a cat or dog. They come around in your teens but then they die early in one's thirties and that's it for buying all those tubes of zit killer which my zits seemed to feed on. Now when that rare, occasional blemish pops up I simply wash my weathered face with some furniture stripper or Roundup and that takes care of the little bugger in no time.
I don't have to worry about how I dress anymore. As a young man I would struggle to find that perfect shirt and pants combination. Now if I am painting, and have paint all over me and my clothes and need something, I just go to the store looking like a slob and no one cares or pays attention. In fact I have built a reputation in the community as a slob. If I just go out with a clean T-shirt on someone asks me if I'm going to a wedding or a funeral since I'm all dressed up.
I remember last fall that my favorite work pant's zipper broke but I refused to throw them out. For two months I went around with my fly open and no one ever noticed. Finally one day a 97-year-old woman mentioned it to me but I wasn't chastised. Instead I got a phone number. Finally when the winter came, I had to throw the trousers out. I didn't need any frozen assets in my personal portfolio.
There is a real advantage with the young girls that my senior status allows me. I can readily and profusely offer up compliments on how nice they look and they gushingly take the compliments with sincere thanks. They know I'm too old to have any ulterior motive as when I was a young man. I am known around town fondly as the sloppy old man who is always so nice to them.
Of course I never mention to them that I'm a sexagenarian. I don't want them to start screaming and call 911. Especially since I often walk around town with my fly open and a Hershey bar in my shirt pocket.
Freelance writer, columnist, author and writing coach, ex-Chicagoan Mike Fak presently resides in Central Illinois. More information about Mike's services are available at his home website www.mikefak.com
Mike currently writes primarily humor columns for searchwarp bi-weekly and is the managing editor of www.lincolndailynews.com
Mike now offers a 26,000 word e-book on making money as a freelance writer for only $10.00 at this page. http://www.mikefak.com/id45.html
» left by Sandra E. Graham(7,555) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Arkansas, USA (1 year 174 days ago.)
You paint a vivid picture, Mike Fak. If I wasn't female, and minus the dropped zipper and the description of be sexagenerian, I'd say we were twins separated at birth. I too stopped worrying about how I looked to other people about three years ago. I keep my hair cut short enough that I almost never have to comb it. I wear baggy tee shirts to cover my spreading posterior and don't care who notices and I still wear polyester pants. I look my age and usually act my age---but I do love to laugh and your articles work well for me. Sandra.
» left by Mike Fak(5,896) Mike Fak (1 year 174 days ago.)
Thanks Sandra. I too act my age except when it is beneficial to act older or younger. I like to laugh too. It keeps me from becoming sane. Mike
» left by sue thom from nj (1 year 174 days ago.)
hi mike, i've been known to go to the post office, a & p, and wal-mart's, in my pajamas. i don't care less, and i have nice sets of flannel or fleece pajamas, with pants, and no one even knows. they just think they're comfort wear. they're comfortable alright, that's why i wear them. i don't get dressed unless i have somewhere to go. i'd rather feel comfortable in my own home, than have a belt or metal button pushing on me. thanks for sharing another good, well written, funny article with us, best regards,
sue thom
» left by Mike Fak(5,896) Mike Fak (1 year 174 days ago.)
Thanks Sue. You sound like a real clothes afficionado. My local second hand thrift shop has the Mike Fak collection so check it out someday. Mike
» left by Rob Trahan(209) Rob Trahan (1 year 174 days ago.)
Mike, I laughed out loud at your article. My wife insists that I've already reached the "slob who doesn't care" stage. I think I'm offended ... Respond to this comment
» left by Mike Fak(5,896) Mike Fak (1 year 174 days ago.)
Thanks Rob. What is the difference between a slob who cares and a slob who doesn't? Just as long as you're a slob you can join the club. Mike
» left by Dianne Lehmann(5,071) Dianne Lehmann (1 year 174 days ago.)
Hi Mike, This was wonderful fun. I'm going to guess that you have done a good job of speaking your mind all of your life. But for me, hitting 55 has meant I feel I have license to speak mine and I do. I have one friend, who, to paraphrase, says he doesn't know what to do with me anymore. Yeah! Let's all age (but not get "old") and shake things up a bit. Thanks again for the laughs. Dianne
» left by Mike Fak(5,896) Mike Fak (1 year 174 days ago.)
Thanks Dianne. I started complaining when I was a day old and mom tried to give me formula. I demanded a cheeseburger and wouldn't shut up till I got one. Mike
» left by Laura (1 year 173 days ago.)
Mike, Thanks for the laughs. I needed a good chuckle today as it has been one of those days. Oh my goodness though, I had no idea you were so old!
» left by Jean Horst(1,200) Jean Horst (1 year 173 days ago.)
You never fail to make me laugh out loud - which I appreciate a lot! Nothing beats a good laugh. Although.... I may start looking more closely at older gentlemen who are handing out compliments....
» left by Lorrie Davids(7,721) Lorrie Davids (1 year 173 days ago.)
As always, Mike, you made me laugh! Congrats as you enter your 7th decade of life! I look forward to reading your stuff for years to come!
» left by Mike Fak(5,896) Mike Fak (1 year 172 days ago.)
Thanks LM. Actually you are pushing your luck if you look for any articles past next week. I'm getting old and tired zzzzzzzzzzz. Mike
» left by Joel Hendon(11,927) Joel Hendon (1 year 172 days ago.)
A great article Mike, as are all of yours. I can relate to everything you said. As a young fellow, I had a heavy dark beard which made me look as if I had a 5 o'clock shadow at 10:00 a.m. so I always shaved as cleanly as I could and if going out in the evening, I'd shave again. But now with it mostly gray, I have learned to slouch around and it doesn't bother me to skip a day or so in shaving. I can't see the stubble anymore so I mistakenly think younger eyes cannot either. But you are right, there are many advantages to growing old. If we did not, we'd be dead.
I wish I could bring out funnies in my conversation as you do. It helps to make people's day, and not only the laugher but the laughee as well.
» left by Ken McCreless(1,770) Ken McCreless (1 year 171 days ago.)
Thanks Mike, from one slob to another. I shall now wear my torn and stained "Three Stooges for President" shirt to Home Depot with pride!!
» left by Nenita Wells from Providence, RI (162 days 4 hours ago.)
Hi Mike.
Wonderfully funny article. Thank you for making me laugh, for I am, a true believer of "Laugher is the best medicine." best medicine for what? for not feeling the pain of getting older. I enjoyed reading your article tremendously.
Your fan,
Nenita
» left by Nenita Wells from Providence, RI (162 days 4 hours ago.)
Hi Mike.
Wonderfully funny article. Thank you for making me laugh, for I am, a true believer of "Laughter is the best medicine." best medicine for what? for not feeling the pain of getting older. I enjoyed reading your article tremendously.
Your fan,
Nenita
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