Submitted by: Susan Thom(8,101) Susan Thom Log in to become a member of Susan Thom's Fan Club!
This was one of the promises I heard when I started going to twelve step meetings. My life was a mess, what were they talking about? I had made myself get to a meeting in the same church I taught Sunday school-my daughter's picture was on one of the room's walls. It was a sobering experience! It just was the way it was meant to be.
"We will not regret the past nor shut the door on it." Now, I was beginning to think these people were crazy. Nice but insane. I wanted nothing to do with my past. I didn't want to remember it, I didn't want to think about it, and I didn't want to talk about it. "We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace." This is not real. I feel like crap, I have to stop drinking, my marriage sucks, I have 3 little kids, and I will comprehend and know what?
"No matter how far down the scale we've gone, we will see how our experiences can benefit others." Why did I come here? How in the Hell will my experiences benefit anybody when they didn't even benefit me?
"That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear." Now, how are they gonna pull that one off? I can't do anything right and everyone is always taking everything out on me. This was probably a really bad idea.
I could leave, but I made a commitment to myself, so I might as well stick it out. "We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self seeking will slip away."
I wasn't sure about that one. I was a giving person, and I loved giving things to people, and I do care for others. Self seeking, though? That was going to be a tough one. I wonder if anybody else felt that way. "Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change." Give me a break. There are no psychologists or psychiatrists or doctors or therapist here. How is one hour a week going to change my whole attitude and my outlook on life? My attitude sucked and my outlook on life was bleak. And I still wanted a beer.
"Fear of people and economic security will leave us." Now, this was just plain craziness. Do these people have any idea how many bills I have? Let's put it another way, the paychecks coming in were less than the money going out. Fear of people, I didn't worry about. "We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us." Well, that's what I wanted to happen, that's what I hoped would happen, that's why I got in the car and walked into a basement filled with strangers. However, I didn't have a clue how this was all going to come about.
"We will suddenly realize that God is doing what we could not do for ourselves." Oh, here we go, the God stuff. I believe in God, I love God, I pray to God daily, but I didn't like hearing about Him or others ideas of Him. I'd rather keep that topic personal.
Before I knew it, the meeting was over, and women were coming over introducing themselves, giving me their numbers, telling me where all the nightly meetings were, and that's where I was, for the next 4 years straight. Every night. All different towns, all different people, all the same text. I never drank again after that first night. I worked very hard on the steps, and self inventory, and smoothing out my character. My life was beginning to change for the better.
The hard work was paying off, and the promises were coming true. Of course, for 4 years I had a sponsor that guided me and helped me immensely. I read the books the program went by, and I shared at each meeting, and I spoke about 50-100 times. When you speak, it is at an open meeting, so anyone can come, and you tell your basic story: what it was like, what happened to turn you around, and what it's like now. I never spoke in front of anybody, and I was speaking in front of anywhere from 10-200 people. And I loved it.
My life was no longer a mess, I had focus and organization and desire and stamina. These people were not crazy, they weren't insane, and I had to rip through my past a few times. The hardest part, but the most beneficial. Get rid of all the garbage we carry around. So what your father yelled at you everyday? He's not even alive anymore, and you're letting his influence, negatively influence you. You are anxious, on edge, grumpy, stuck in your own ways, and until you delve into these things through the steps and sharing, and hearing others with similar stories, you will remain the very man you blame.
I was beginning to experience serenity and peace at different times, and it felt good, and pushed me forward, wanting more. My story did benefit other people. They would come up to me after I spoke and tell me how much they appreciated my story, and how it helped them. I didn't feel useless, or pity myself anymore. Self seeking was slipping away. My whole attitude and outlook on life was changing, I was more patient, not as nervous or frustrated. The fear of people left me, but I'm still worried about economic security.
I was beginning to figure things out that I couldn't before, my mind was too foggy. Things that used to "baffle me." Amazing. "We will suddenly realize that God is doing what we could not do for ourselves." I always felt this, but I had gone way off course, and needed to be reminded, and I was. This program promised, and it delivered. Only through doing each step thoroughly, and often, and going to as many meetings as you need, and focusing on acting the way you are learning about for that hour each night or once a week or three times a week, can you truly receive the promises.
And when you do, you will benefit, and so will every other human being you ever come into contact with. Good things will happen, bad things will happen, but when you have a plan, and even though skeptical at first, stick with it. Everything else is an excuse. I went every night, with 3 kids, but I got a babysitter and it all worked out. It was a foundation upon which I have built the last fourteen years of my life. I have gone through deaths in my family, cancer in two members, divorce, three teens, car accidents, and have not reached for a drink. Thought about it, but no way. I worked too hard to get to where I am now, I'm not going back.
Anonymous (10 days 15 hours ago.)
hi david,
thank you for reading and replying.
it's gettng to the hard part, but through faith, and friends like you, i'll make it through.
it helps to have people who care.
my best,
sue
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