As a Dating and Relationship Coach, I always advise my single clients to "Duty Date" more than one person at the same time until they're in a committed relationship.
This is a "no-brainer" for my male clients! Men, by nature are built to be polygamous...meaning it's natural for them to have more than one woman.
Not so for women.
By nature, women tend to go "prematurely monogamous". We get "glued" to a guy (especially if we have sex) before a commitment.
So as yucky as it is, it's important for a woman to have the skill set to go against her natural biological tendencies and date more than one man simultaneously in order to find a mate.
But "Duty Dating" isn't just for romance...
Recently I hired a new VA (virtual assistant). A virtual assistant is someone who has their own office space and works for clients "virtually" on-line and on the phone.
During the interview process I realized I was "Duty Dating" my candidates.
And I realized this skill set comes in VERY handy for business.
1. Always Interview at Least THREE Candidates Before You Hire Someone (or Take a Job)
In my romantic comedy, DUTY DATING , the heroine "duty dates" three men at the same time in order to find a mate. With one, she's over-focused; two is an either/or; only with three can she keep prospective and build her relationship skills.
The same is true in business.
It's best to have at least three candidates to choose from before hiring someone. Or three companies to interview. Gives you more options. And better prospective.
2. Have at Least THREE Interviews Before Making a Decision
Nobody's normal in their first meeting...whether it's a date or a business deal. Everybody's nervous. Everybody's weird . Everybody's trying to impress.
And even though you may feel initial chemistry with someone, it could take at least three meetings for the "real person" to show up.
First impressions (although significant) aren't as important as the second and third ones.
One of my VA candidates made a GREAT first impression. Our first conversation was fantastic! I got off the phone ready to hire her. And if I had, it would have been a tremendous mistake. As great as our first meeting was, she didn't have the qualifications I needed. I didn't discover this until our third conversation.
On the other hand, my first meeting with my new VA, Geri, was frustrating. Her phone was on the blink and kept cutting in and out as we were speaking. I missed much of what she said! But by conversation two and three, she proved to be exactly what I was looking for.
3. Let 'Em Present What They Can Bring to the Table Before You Make a Commitment
A woman needs to see what a man can offer her before making a commitment.
A man needs to see how receptive a woman is to what he has to offer before making a commitment.
And in business, a person needs to see what the candidate can offer to the company (or what the company can offer) in order to make a good decision.
It's important to ask questions, but it's REALLY important to LISTEN!
What is the person or situation really offering? How does that work for you? What kind of relationship do you want? And does that person satisfy your needs or compliment your situation?
4. Prioritize Your List and Shift Status As You Go
Rank your dates and top business candidates as One, Two and Three. Then give it time to see how they shift.
If a guy doesn't call a girl, she'll forget about him and he'll drop down the list.
If a woman isn't available for a man, he'll move on to numbers two and three.
If a business associate doesn't have the chops or isn't punctual, he'll eliminate himself and the qualified candidates will emerge.
This can take time.
In my first interviews with my five VA candidates, they ranked similar. All of them had nice personalities and excellent administrative skills.
So I upped my ante.
I decided to hire a VA who had marketing experience as well. And that's where they started to differentiate. I was fortunate to hire a VA that was best suited to my needs.
So whether you're meeting someone for romance or for a business deal...always "Duty Date" more than oneAs a Dating and Relationship Coach, I always advise my single clients to "Duty Date" more than one person at the same time until they're in a committed relationship.
This is a "no-brainer" for my male clients! Men, by nature are built to be polygamous...meaning it's natural for them to have more than one woman.
Not so for women.
By nature, women tend to go "prematurely monogamous". We get "glued" to a guy (especially if we have sex) before a commitment.
So as yucky as it is, it's important for a woman to have the skill set to go against her natural biological tendencies and date more than one man simultaneously in order to find a mate.
But "Duty Dating" isn't just for romance...
Recently I hired a new VA (virtual assistant). A virtual assistant is someone who has their own office space and works for clients "virtually" on-line and on the phone.
During the interview process I realized I was "Duty Dating" my candidates.
And I realized this skill set comes in VERY handy for business.
1. Always Interview at Least THREE Candidates Before You Hire Someone (or Take a Job)
In my romantic comedy, DUTY DATING , the heroine "duty dates" three men at the same time in order to find a mate. With one, she's over-focused; two is an either/or; only with three can she keep prospective and build her relationship skills.
The same is true in business.
It's best to have at least three candidates to choose from before hiring someone. Or three companies to interview. Gives you more options. And better prospective.
2. Have at Least THREE Interviews Before Making a Decision
Nobody's normal in their first meeting...whether it's a date or a business deal. Everybody's nervous. Everybody's weird . Everybody's trying to impress.
And even though you may feel initial chemistry with someone, it could take at least three meetings for the "real person" to show up.
First impressions (although significant) aren't as important as the second and third ones.
One of my VA candidates made a GREAT first impression. Our first conversation was fantastic! I got off the phone ready to hire her. And if I had, it would have been a tremendous mistake. As great as our first meeting was, she didn't have the qualifications I needed. I didn't discover this until our third conversation.
On the other hand, my first meeting with my new VA, Geri, was frustrating. Her phone was on the blink and kept cutting in and out as we were speaking. I missed much of what she said! But by conversation two and three, she proved to be exactly what I was looking for.
3. Let 'Em Present What They Can Bring to the Table Before You Make a Commitment
A woman needs to see what a man can offer her before making a commitment.
A man needs to see how receptive a woman is to what he has to offer before making a commitment.
And in business, a person needs to see what the candidate can offer to the company (or what the company can offer) in order to make a good decision.
It's important to ask questions, but it's REALLY important to LISTEN!
What is the person or situation really offering? How does that work for you? What kind of relationship do you want? And does that person satisfy your needs or compliment your situation?
4. Prioritize Your List and Shift Status As You Go
Rank your dates and top business candidates as One, Two and Three. Then give it time to see how they shift.
If a guy doesn't call a girl, she'll forget about him and he'll drop down the list.
If a woman isn't available for a man, he'll move on to numbers two and three.
If a business associate doesn't have the chops or isn't punctual, he'll eliminate himself and the qualified candidates will emerge.
This can take time.
In my first interviews with my five VA candidates, they ranked similar. All of them had nice personalities and excellent administrative skills.
So I upped my ante.
I decided to hire a VA who had marketing experience as well. And that's where they started to differentiate. I was fortunate to hire a VA that was best suited to my needs.
So whether you're meeting someone for romance or for a business deal...always "Duty Date" more than one!
Cherry Norris is a renowned celebrity dating coach, workshop director and popular speaker. Based in , Cherry is an official dating coach for Cupid's Coach matchmaking service and the relationship expert on Catherine Oxenberg's TV pilot, Practical Princess . Cherry has lead workshops around the and . She has been featured in The LA Times, The Reporter, Divine Caroline , and Women's World .
Cherry's passion is helping people build healthy, intimate romantic relationships. Under her direction, you will learn the skills and techniques for dating that will have you starring in the role of a lifetime opposite the co-star you've been waiting for!
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