Growing up in the backwoods of Arkansas , we were considered poor. Dirt poor' is the phrase I heard most often. My father was a quiet man who farmed the land that always belonged to someone else. I never knew if he was just quiet by nature or if the long hard hours tilling the earth in an unforgiving sun drained all the energy that could not be spared on such trivialities as words.
Eight children sitting around the supper table in the orange glow of lamplight; all faces turned toward the door as we watched our father come in from the fields. Leathery brown skin on his face making him appear much older than his years-no smile to make him look younger, just tired and resigned to a life of hard work and never enough to eat.
Our plates remained untouched until our father had taken his place at the head of the table. If he spoke at all, he spoke only to our mother-even if his words were directed at one of his children.
I often wondered what went through his mind, what was he thinking? No I love you's; but neither were there complaints-I can't go on'; I can't feed all these kids'; My back hurts'; I need new clothes and shoes'; Why me, Lord?'. His authority was never questioned for at some point in our young lives we learned his strength. His temper taught us-not fear, but respect. He never beat us, but would discipline with a strong hand. All our hugs and kisses came from our mother. His exact opposite, she was quick to show affection and emotion. We always knew what our mother was thinking and we could always get what we wanted from Mom. She was our gate, or door if you will, to our father.
When I was fourteen my nine-year-old sister was hit and killed by an automobile. At her funeral my mother cried and fainted several times before the tiny coffin was lowered into the grave. My father helped my older brother hold my mother up while my father continued to keep his eyes on the ground, his facial features unchanging. I saw no tears.
About two weeks after my sister's funeral I was playing hide-and-seek with my younger siblings. As I sneaked around the pigpen I heard a whimpering noise coming from behind the shed. Thinking to catch one of the hidden children, I quietly peeped around the corner and was shocked to see my father squatting with his head buried in his arms and weeping such mournful tears that my heart went out to him as I never knew it could.
That was the day that I learned just how much my father loved his children and just how little I knew the beautiful man that was trapped inside the hardened shell that was required to keep him held together.
Both my parents are gone now and rest beside the tiny grave of my little sister and I will spend one more Father's Day thanking God for the wonderful man that it took me so long to get to know, but was well worth the wait. Don't be too quick to judge your father. What you think you see on the outside may well not be the person residing within. All too often men have been raised in a world where the mistaken belief is that hardness means strength. Honor your father this Father's Day no matter your own feelings.
Happy Father's Day to all you guys out there and God Bless you all.
Sandra E. Graham, author, AMOS JAKEY and NICOLINA , through American Book Publishing. Visit my website for more info about my articles, books, and book reviews.
» left by Teresa Ortiz(4,701) Teresa Ortiz (188 days 19 hours ago.)
What a beautiful story, Sandra it brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. Many blessings to you!
» left by Sandra E. Graham(2,288) Sandra E. Graham (188 days 18 hours ago.)
Thank you, Teresa. My father was a wonderful man; I just regret that I didn't realize how truly wonderful he was until I was grown and even more so after he was gone. My first book is based on my father ( Amos Jakey) and his life as a young man. He was thirty two years old before he met and married my mother (who was 13 when they married). My second book (Nicolina) is about my mother .Although my father didn't know how to show his emotions, he managed to keep my mother happy for forty-nine years--so he must have had some good qualities. She died at 62 and he at 82.
Sandra
» left by Teresa (188 days 16 hours ago.)
Hi Sandra, that is amazing--he had to do have done something right :-) It's great that you were able to learn so many wonderful things about your father. Sometimes the timing can be off, but it is better late than never.
» left by Kay Elizabeth(1,669) Kay Elizabeth (184 days 23 hours ago.)
Wonderful piece, Sandra. Your dad sounds like mine a lot. I never saw him show any kind of emotion much until the day his mother died. There's only twice in my lifetime I've seen him cry and that was one of them. It's all the more heartbreaking to see too when you're not used to it. Your dad sounds like he was a good man indeed. Respond to this comment
» left by Sandra E. Graham(2,288) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Arkansas, USA (184 days 19 hours ago.)
Thank you, Kay, for your kind words. It is nice that times have changed enough that men are allowed to show emotions and affections without fearing crticism for being weak. We women have always felt that times were tough on us because we were'nt treated as a man's equal--we never stopped to think about what some of our men were going through and that they, too, wanted as much to be treated as our equals as well.
Sandra.
» left by Joel Hendon(4,915) Joel Hendon (181 days 4 hours ago.)
Sandra, you and I do have an awful lot in common. Your father sounds almost exactly like mine. Our lifestyles were near the same. My dad never expressed any emotion although I saw him cry twice, once at his father's funeral and another time at my brother's funeral during WW2. One or two of my siblings grew up not understanding him at all. But I could see the love in him from the start. Simple things, he would bring home some oranges unexpectedly, or bananas. More for our enjoyment than for health and you could see the pleasure he derived from it eventhough his demeanor never changed. But I think your article's beginning told a lot as to why these men were as they were. No man likes to see his family without sufficient food or adequate clothing, and in those days I think many had a feeling that the hardships were partly their own fault. But they did a great job of supplying us during such hard times. I would not exchange the memories of my father for any other person on earth. A wonderful article.
» left by Sandra E. Graham(2,288) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Ar USA (180 days 21 hours ago.)
Thank you for your comment, Joel. Yes, from your articles, I have always suspected that we two had very much in common. And I agree with your comment--I, too, would not trade any of my memories of my beloved father and sweet mother for all the gold in Fort Knox. My parents were good, honest people and I plan to see them again some day.
Sandra.
» left by Kimberly(623) Kimberly (181 days 2 hours ago.)
Sandra, That was a very good article. I saw my father cry after the funeral of my grandmother. I was ten years old and walked into the kitchen to see him sitting at the kitchen table. He looked up at me and said, "He was sorry!" That makes me sad to think he felt less of a man, because I witnessed his tears. Kimberly Respond to this comment
» left by Sandra E. Graham(2,288) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Ar USA (180 days 21 hours ago.)
It is such a shame that too many men were raised to hide the softer side of their natures. There is nothing more beautiful than a man who can shed tears of joy or regretably, sadness when his heart tells him it is time. My own heart swells with joy and love when the men of our church stand and tearfully profess their love for Jesus, the church, and their families. There is no greater truth than this--'the meek shall inherit the earth'.
Sandra.
» left by sue thom from nj (181 days 2 hours ago.)
hi sandra, this was a very well written, interesting article, and i am sorry about your sister, that must have been a terrble time. i never saw my father cry, or my kids' father, but moms more than make up for it :) thanks for sharing your beautiful story,
best regards,
sue thom
» left by Sandra E. Graham(2,288) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Ar USA (180 days 21 hours ago.)
Thank you, Sue. Yes, our Moms have a very special place in our hearts; but so many young people need to know that their Fathers will fill their own special niche when the time comes.
Sandra.
» left by Sandra E. Graham(2,288) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Ar USA (180 days 21 hours ago.)
Thanks for the comment, Ted. I certainly hope he is. I wish he and my mother could have been here for the books that I have written in their memory (AMOS JAKEY and NICOLINA). But, maybe they know anyway. At least, their grandchildren and great grandchildren will have something to get to know them by.
Sandra
» left by Jane Bullard from Maryland (180 days 21 hours ago.)
Dear Sandra, You have truly honored your dad, and also your mother! I hope many, many people of all ages read this article around Father's Day and beyond! Respond to this comment
» left by Sandra E. Graham(2,288) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Ar USA (180 days 20 hours ago.)
You are very kind, Jane. Thank you so much for the nice words. I truly loved my father and mother. Through God's good grace I was endowed with two wonderful parents and although they have been gone many years, I still miss them terribly.
Sandra.
» left by Arlene Pellicane(1,352) Arlene Pellicane (179 days 21 hours ago.)
There's so much more than what meets the eye. Thank God you found your father crying on the that special day. Thank you for your beautiful writing and for encouraging us to see the best in our dear fathers!
Arlene
» left by Sandra E. Graham(2,288) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Arkansas, USA (179 days 20 hours ago.)
Thank you, Arlene, for your kind remarks. I hope everyone can find some good in the man they grew up calling "Dad" and enjoy this Father's Day in celebrating their lives together.
Sandra.
» left by Avis Ward(13,599) Avis Ward (178 days 23 hours ago.)
Sandra, this was simply beautiful and heart-wrenching in ways that aren't easy to explain. No sadness remained that joy did not replace when I had finished reading. You've honoured your father and I agree with my fellow South Carolinian, he's smiling now! You betcha! Very well-written and superbly shared. Thank you!
» left by Sandra E. Graham(2,288) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Arkansas, USA (178 days 19 hours ago.)
Thanks for the nice remarks, Avis. I am so glad you enjoyed my article and I am glad that I could make everyone understand how I feel about my parents. As I said above, I was very lucky to have them.
Sandra.
» left by Anonymous (178 days 2 hours ago.)
Sis: This is a great article. I never really knew daddy either. To me he was an old man (47yrs) when I was born, and when I got to the age I really needed to know him he was 65. That's when I realized how broken down his hard work had really made him. I loved him and mom too, and I love you for writing this article about him.
» left by Sandra E. Graham(2,288) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Arkansas, USA (178 days ago.)
Thanks, Sis, for the comments and (maybe just a tiny bit prejudiced) kind words. With all the years--and miles--between us, I'm glad we as siblings have been able to stay as close as we have, spirtually when not physically.
Sandra
» left by Anonymous (177 days 16 hours ago.)
I love the article, I never got to know him and am glad to hear he was a good man. I always wondered what him and grandma were like. I was so young when they died I dont remember much of them. You are a great person and I'm sure he and grandma would both be very proud of you... Love your niece, kim
» left by Sandra E. Graham(2,288) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Arkansas, USA (177 days 6 hours ago.)
Thanks, Kim. It is sad when grandkids don't get to know their grandparents. Being a grandparent myself; I live for my grandkids. I wish you could remember your grandpa and grandma--they were wonderful loving people and they were crazy over their grandkids. Daddy never tried to hide his feelings when it came to you kids.
Sandra
» left by Lori (175 days ago.)
I loved this article I never seen my dad cry until after he and mom got a divorce and his emotions showed so much more. My father past away 12 years ago and i would like to thank you for reminding me just how much i miss him everyday and to know that the old man who would sit at the head of the table at our family dinners was a great man and i miss him too
» left by Sandra E. Graham(2,288) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Arkansas, USA (174 days 23 hours ago.)
Thanks, Lori, for the comment and kind words. The worst way to come to the realization of how much you love someone is after you lose them.
God bless you and yours.
Sandra.
» left by Freida Carey from Paragould (174 days 4 hours ago.)
This is a sad but good story. I started to cry several times. You are a wonderful writer, and a very gifted person. I wish you the best at everything you continue to do and write. GOD Bless You!!!
» left by Sandra E. Graham(2,288) Sandra E. Graham from Paragould, Arkansas, USA (173 days 19 hours ago.)
Thanks, Freida. I guess I still have a ways to go to be a really good writer, but I'll keep working on it. Thanks for the vote of confidence.
Sandra.
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