They say there is something new to learn everyday -- so true!
I have been working with a lady (I will only call Maria) for about five months. Our work has mainly been on phone and by email since she lives in the USA. But as God/Universe would allow it, she had some business to do in Toronto, so we arranged to meet in person for the first time.
She has seen pictures of me on my website, so I only described to her what I would be wearing. Now, I usually dress up business-like and apply the occasional makeup -- and even then I like to keep it really simple - like not there simple. My friends tease me about my make-up skills on a daily basis, and I say I must have been an animal in my precious life because if I had a choice, I would be quite happy walking around with nothing on -- even the feel of fabric on my back bugs the hell out of me (Oops! too much information).
Anyways, I arrived a little late for our meeting, and for almost five minutes stood there looking and feeling really stupid because I forgot to ask Maria what she looks like and what she would be wearing. As I was dialing Maria's cell phone, she walked up to me and asked "Christine, right?"
After the usual hugs and niceties, she asked me if she was like what I imagined her to be - and I said "you are very attractive" -- and she is. Compliments come so easily (and sincerely) out of me and I just let it all out. She's good at taking compliments and I gave her 10 plus on that personality trait alone.
I then asked her if I was what she had imagined I would be, and to my surprise and amusement (I am still amused) she said, "I thought you'd be so perfect. I made a lot of effort to try to impress you?".
"Impress me, why?" I asked.
"You're my dating coach. I didn't want you to think that the reason I am still single is because I am not making the effort to impress guys". She said.
"I am sorry I disappointed you. I promise to look perfect, next time" I teased her. We had a wonderful two hours. She later sent me a text message, "You inspire me".
So although I did not impress her, I did inspire her, after all.
So what was so amusing -- and still is?
This is not the first time somebody who has known me just on the internet or by phone meets me in person and is "not impressed by the real me". Okay, there have been a few people -- guys -- who couldn't help but stare enchanted (brag, brag..:-)
Ego-cushioning aside, this experience got me thinking.
Too many women out there lie, exaggerate, and make things up to make guys think they are one way or the other? And so much advice about how to attract the "right" guy is really about how "not to be the REAL you, at any cost".
We all want to be liked and loved by that special man, but what so often happens is that, you meet the "right" guy, he is attracted to who you are trying to be, but it doesn't take very long for him to figure you out. He is like "you are not the person I fell in love with" and wants out. So you go on your knees begging him to give you another chance but he doesn't want to be around you because nobody likes to feel they are being made a fool of.
I know many women reading this recognize this pattern, and some are honest enough to admit that the problem is not always with the "men" but with themselves. They don't realize the damage they cause to themselves, until it is done.
And your friends will tell you "relax and just be yourself" but obviously you don't feel comfortable being yourself otherwise you wouldn't be putting forward a front or trying too hard to impress men -- and trust me, they can tell, even if it takes a while for them to figure it out.
In my own search for security and self-assertion, I found out that: Guys who fall into the category of "a great catch" want to bring their passionate, authentic and committed selves to the relationship, but the truth is that we women sometimes won't let them.
The women who attract and keep these kinds of guys are not those women who are "perfect" looking, know the best flirting or seduction techniques, have the smartest brains, speak the loudest or have the most success in their careers. The women who attract great guys and are able to keep them are those women who can INSPIRE MEN TO ACT (let their guard down, spend more time together, share responsibility, try new things and experiences, become exclusive, commit etc.).
1. The more he perceives the relationship as meaningful and supportive of him as an individual and as part of a couple, the more he reciprocates by giving more of himself.
2. The more he "invests" in the relationship, the more he stays involved because he has already invested a great deal of time and energy, and leaving would mean losing all of that investment.
3. The more he feels that being with you is "the right thing to do", the more he will want to "give back," "do his part," or honor his commitment to you.
So stop trying to impress men and start inspiring them to act. If you know how to make a man feel that he is "lucky" to have found you, you can make him do almost anything - and I mean a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g!
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author offering men and women practical tools and advice on how to make themselves attractive by using natural instinct, common sense and self-knowledge!
Christines websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
http://www.playinghardtogettheloveway.com
