"We're pregnant." That was it. No fanfare, no cute little hints or double entendres. Just two words pronounced by my older daughter. Two words that unceremoniously kicked me up into the next-higher age bracket.
Not that we weren't thrilled to hear the news. My daughter and son-in-law have been trying for several years to have children, and there have been problems. They've been seeing doctors and were going to start a series of treatments this fall. So for this to have happened was a total miracle. And we were ecstatic.
But after the euphoria wore off, reality set in. I couldn't help but think of all the changes that were about to occur because I'm on my way to becoming a grandpa. (After all, this isn't about my daughter, it's about me.) The most critical, of course, is everybody calling me "Grandpa", implying that I'm old now. Gag me. I've already warned the kids that their child will learn about all the best cartoons and CGI movies from me. Another is my using the terms "old man" and "Grandpa" when referring to guys who are slower than me. Those terms can now be applied to me. And I thought joining AARP was life-changing!
I couldn't help but compare what happened in our lives when our daughter was about to be born, and what is going to happen to us shortly after the first of the year. There are definite contrasts between becoming a parent and becoming a grandparent.
When you become a parent, you grow up. When you become a grandparent, you grow old.
When you become a parent, you start looking for a babysitter. When you become a grandparent, you ARE the babysitter.
When you become a parent, you worry about the baby's health. When you become a grandparent, you worry about your own health.
When you become a parent, you start planning your child's life. When you become a grandparent, you plan on how to prevent your kids from ruining your grandchild's life.
Parents plan. Grandparents scheme. (Nuh-UH!)
I'm sure there are other differences, but frankly I don't want to bother thinking about them right now. I'm more worried about my wife driving us to the brink of poverty because she wants to spend all her time shopping for maternity clothes and baby things. I'm going to have to reintroduce the word "no" into my vocabulary, not for the grandchild, but for my wife.
I keep hearing there are advantages to being a grandparent, and I'm sure you have too, so I won't bore you with all the saccharine quips. Part of me thinks this is just society's way of getting folks like me to accept the inevitable with grace and dignity. Please--I'm not sticking one foot in the grave just because a new life is about to enter the world!
On the other hand, you take what nuggets of wisdom you can when you find them. For example, my wife found a T-shirt the other day that pretty much says it all:
Grandpa's To-Do List
1. Fill grandkids with sugar and other sweet stuff.
2. Send them home.
I.
Want.
That.
T-shirt!
