Not so much by the imminent resplendence of Fathers Day, but the day to day problems that having the wise council of a dad would come in handy. My children could have really benefited from a Grandpa. For all intents and purposes they never had the encouragement of an extended family.
He passed away in 1988 of cancer of the blood, the details are not important. He had been really sick for a long time. At that time I was no where near working in the medical field and had no idea about any of the things I was asked to make a decision on concerning his treatment. I realize it's one of those"if I had known then what I know now" situations, but I did the best I could.
I was informed with an early morning knock on the door by a police officer. He was reading from notes he had made and seemed to be a little nervous, like it was his first time to say "I regret to inform you," etc, etc.
There were conversations that needed to take place that didn't. Many questions gone un-asked and un-answered. I endure waves of sadness when I realize, again, and again, that I cannot remember the sound of his voice.
Since then, to this day, I have had to be a dad without advice from my own. I feel like a failure in every regard. I have spent the years since my divorce in '95 being both mom and dad to my kids.
We don't know how much time we have, though, do we? Do I even have the luxury to embrace regret? How many hours or days have I spent wishing things would have been different? Too many to count, I'm sure, but that is not the thrust of this piece.
I'm not saying that every day should be Fathers Day but that everyday should be a day of reckoning, a day to realize the import that those in our lives hold.
I really miss my Dad.
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» left by Avis Ward(13,599) Avis Ward (175 days 15 hours ago.)
Ken, you've said it perfectly in many ways in which most of us can identify, I'm sure. "If I knew then what I know now" may have been said more times than "I'm sorry." As you have said, we can not live a life of regrets. Doing that would simply be existing not living. I tend to get my instructions from the Bible so for me, every day should be father and mother's day. I commend you for being both to your children. Your father knows you miss him, I believe. Happy Father's Day to you!
» left by Ken McCreless(169) Ken McCreless (174 days 15 hours ago.)
Hi Avis. I strive to never have to say "I should have," but even so. Thank you for reading, I appreciate it.
» left by sue thom from nj (175 days 12 hours ago.)
hi ken, this was a well written piece, as always, and your love for your dad shows through. i miss my dad, too. i sure could use an ex marine while going through this horriffc divorce! but you know what, i think he has even more power to guide me where he is. i talk to him just like he's still here. thanks for sharing,
sue
» left by Teresa Ortiz(4,701) Teresa Ortiz (175 days 6 hours ago.)
Hi Ken, thanks for sharing your heart with us. Your vulnerability is such an encouragement to me and many others, I am sure. We can only do the best we can with the information we have at that given moment. I pray for your peace and that you would allow God to heal those bruised parts of your heart. I am sure it is what your dad would want for you. Enjoy your children and like you said, life is to short; there is no time for regret only the now. Blessings to you dear friend.
» left by Ken McCreless(169) Ken McCreless (174 days 15 hours ago.)
Thank you so much, Teresa. It was an article I've been wanting to do for some time. I appreciate the support.
» left by Kimberly(623) Kimberly (175 days 3 hours ago.)
It is a healing when you can share your heart. I miss my Dad too! Your not a failure. A failure gives up. Thanks for sharing your story. Kimberly Respond to this comment
» left by Jane Flowers(196) Jane Flowers (175 days ago.)
Thanks for this. Well written and really about what does count. Stephen Covey says we should make sure to spend time building our emotional bank accounts. This story tells it all. Respond to this comment
» left by Ken McCreless(169) Ken McCreless (174 days 15 hours ago.)
Thank you Jane. Unlike Elvis, I have more than a few regrets and did not do it my way, but I'm thankful for the journey.
» left by Robert Melaccio, Sr.(6,523) Robert Melaccio, Sr. (174 days 15 hours ago.)
Geat article and expressiion of true love. Thos who do love understand, feel the same about their loved ones and the pain of their not being any longer. The hgad part of this life we really don't understand. I'm sure your dad, like mine is right there beside you every moment in that we call spirit. best wishes and thanks for sharing. Respond to this comment
» left by Ken McCreless(169) Ken McCreless (174 days 15 hours ago.)
Hi Robert. Thank you for the kind words. How can we understand? All we can do is try.
» left by Dane Tyner from Tulsa, OK (174 days 14 hours ago.)
Ken, Thanks for sharing your heart with us here. I've lived long enough to know that we all have different experiences, actually unique experiences; so I try to avoid saying "I know how you feel." In this case, I am not even tempted to say that. My relationship with my dad was not such that I could honestly say I miss him. When I read testimonies like yours, however, I do miss what we could have had. Thus, I share your sadness, just in a different way. Thank you, again.
» left by Ken McCreless(169) Ken McCreless (174 days ago.)
Hi Dane. It always amazes me how easily people throw their kids away. I wish you the best and thank you for reading.
» left by sue thom from nj (173 days 4 hours ago.)
hi ken, congratulations for being the article highlight, and for receiving almost 3,000 hits, i call them. great job.
best regards,
sue thom
» left by Lorrie Davids(5,367) Lorrie Davids (172 days 9 hours ago.)
Thanks for sharing your heart, Ken. My dad has been gone for a lot of years. We had a great relationship, but man, I'd love to be able to just pick his brain sometimes. And, my kids missed out on that relationship. From the stuff I have read here on SearchWarp, I imagine you are a great dad. You are right, we need to realize how important the people in our lives really are. Respond to this comment
» left by Ken McCreless(169) Ken McCreless (172 days ago.)
Hi Lorrie. I never feel like I have done a good enough job with my kiddos. Thank you for reading.
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