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Today has been good so far. We argued for a few minutes this morning, but he didn't hit me or choke me this time. My hips still hurt from last time we got into a fight and he pinched the hell out of both sides of my hips. Am I crazy for wishing that I bruised more easily? My spirit is bruised. No, it's broken. But that doesn't show either. My throat hurts from him choking me, and my scalp is sore from him pulling my hair out. I wish he would just go away. Why do I always manage to attract the psychos that won't leave? I've had to run away twice before, and I'm tired of running now. Ironically I'm with the most unstable one of them all now, so it's more likely he'll kill me if I do try to leave, or do anything drastic. I wish I could just do it. Why do I feel like I need someone to MAKE me do something? And then if they do tell me what to do, I'll probably try and run their ideas to the ground and make excuses for why it wouldn't work.
Someone told me that my friend stuck up for me to someone the other day. That made me feel so good! I feel like a little tenderness from anyone is going to just make me cry.
Today the sun is shining on the leaves outside the window and the wind is blowing. I wish I was home with my son.
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