How many of us know when we are manipulating a situation or a person? Are we aware that we are setting up our words in a way that maneuvers another to do what we want, without them knowing that they are being manipulated? Once we've accomplished our mission, it is usually followed with an instruction "not to tell" anyone. We justify this behavior by thinking it is in the person's best interest. Manipulation and lies are never in another's best interest.
How many times did we tell our siblings they could cut their brand new doll's hair, "Just don't tell mom." Did we ever sneak mom's make-up bag down into the basement, and use it on ourselves and our sister, and then sneak it back (as if mom wouldn't see the gauges in her eye make up and blush) and swear our sister to secrecy? "Don't tell mom." When we got a lot older, did we wait until dad was out of the room and take a couple of his cigarettes, and go outside with our brother and try smoking, with the firm instructions, "Don't tell mom?"
Did we wait until our mother was washing the dishes while we finished eating, and put our peas under the table for the dog to eat, and tell our siblings, "Don't tell mom?" Did we break the knob on the TV, and quietly sit on the couch while being questioned who did it, but all had been told, "Don't tell mom?" Did we run in the house, break a vase into a million pieces, and simply told any witnesses, "Just don't tell mom?" Did we ever sneak out of the house, and come home to our brother sitting on the chair, and beg him, "Just don't tell mom?"
Manipulation is maneuvering the truth, it is never the truth. And it is never the right thing to do. It's worse when dad lets us stay up late when mom is out, and tells us "Don't tell mom." We hear her car pull up, and all scurry to our rooms. What are we being taught? That it's okay to manipulate and lie? Especially to mom? This behavior doesn't easily go away, it follows us into adulthood, where we rely on our manipulation skills to keep us out of trouble. When asked a simple question such as "Why is my rosebush broken?" The answer in a manipulative mind, is "I don't know." Or, "I didn't do it."
I have always taught my kids the best policy, and the only one I would accept, was the truth. However, our kids are influenced by friends, classmates, other relatives, and after teaching them about honesty as kids, I had to do it all over again as teens.
A manipulative mind, in my opinion, is a deceitful mind, and the person who applies manipulation to their life is just too cowardly to admit the truth, and take the consequences. It's not like they're going to be beaten, or die, maybe some sort of punishment, but that's to be expected when you lie and manipulate. Manipulators don't think they're ever going to get caught, and when they are, it's always somebody else's fault, never their own. "If you didn't yell at me, I wouldn't have to manipulate and lie."
Who the heck can't take a few minutes of yelling about something they did wrong? "If you didn't punish me, I would tell the truth." Sorry, but when you lie and manipulate, you're going to be punished. You made the choice. And sometimes, that choice was to listen to someone else who told you to do so. The truth is usually harder to tell than a lie or a manipulation, but it's the honesty behind it that will be rewarded, not the cowardly way of trying to back up your lies.
The worst part is when it is an adult prompting children to manipulate and lie, we all probably have an uncle or cousin like that and they'll tell our kids, "Don't tell mom." But they will bear their own cross, I'm only interested in making sure my kids know that honesty is the best policy, no matter who they know that is cunning and sneaky and manipulative. The truth usually shows up in one manner or another. If not, people live their whole lives on the wrong side of right. Only, they aren't fooling too many people. Lies are detectable, but many still can't stay on the straight and narrow. I don't understand the basis for this type of inappropriateness, but I don't need to, my job is to make sure my kids know the difference.
I think we all need to realize that lying and manipulating and concealing things is not the right direction to strive for. When we live in truth, we will not only survive, we will thrive. We will have a clear conscience, and an honest soul, and our lives will be so much less complicated. It's hard to keep track of our lies, but it's never hard to keep track of the truth!
  
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