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Do the other students in your child's school consider your
child rich, poor or just average? I believe that economic status can be as much
a determining factor in your child's self-confidence and overall outcome as any
other factor they encounter in school including race. My personal analysis of
this situation can be evaluated based upon my exposure to both sides of the
issue.
My high school days included three years in a metropolitan city high school
that featured some very routine factors that I am sure every one has
experienced before. The first of these factors was the fact that a son or
daughter of the governor was attending the school every year I was there. The
school district included the governor's mansion, three private boy's schools,
two private girl's schools and one private Catholic school. The second factor
was that many of the students in the school were members of one of the twelve
high school fraternities and sororities in the area. These twelve groups held
twenty-four formal dances a year at the five country clubs in the area. These
events usually included a formal dance from 10:00 PM to 2:00 AM and an informal
combo dance from 3:00 AM to 5:00 AM. Being a member of a fraternity I was
automatically invited to all twenty-four dances. I had to buy a tuxedo my
sophomore year because of the high rental expenses incurred. The third factor
was the status of the sports team in the state. My school was identified in the
press as one of the "Big Four" schools in AAAA athletics. The fourth
factor was the high percentage of students going to college and the number of
students attending large well-known universities. The fifth factor was the Teen
magazine article one year featuring my high school.
Before you fall into the trap of saying that I don't
understand what poor is we need to review the rest of my education years. As
some of my readers may have noted from one of my previous articles, my younger
days included working on my grandfather's dairy in the summer. These were
wonderful days and as I look back on it, maybe it was just an escape from all
the high society living at home. A friend of my family had a son who went to a
school that was referred to as a "Christian Self-help School". It was
all boys and they went to school four days a week and worked on campus two days
a week. Best of all the school had it's own dairy operation. It took a while to
convince my parents to let me go but they finally conceded.
After I arrived at the school I was given a test that all upper class students
took to qualify for a chemistry class that had limited seats available. I beat
all the other students badly, very badly, and quickly became known as the nerd
(this was a totally new experience for me). Ultimately I learned that the
school did not have qualified teachers (we never got past chapter 1 in
chemistry), boys cheated and the teachers allowed it. The students were
primarily orphans, abandoned kids, and juvenile delinquents. Many students
lived and worked on campus year round because they had no place else to go. My
first roommate was the son of a state legislator. The boy had fifty-four
offenses against him before coming to the school and had to leave school for
disciplinary reasons before Christmas (it involved lying about some cherry
bombs going off in the wrong place). I was assigned to work two days a week in
the dairy as I requested. You can easily imagine the shock on everyone's face
when this nerd from the big fancy school was asked to milk cows by hand (it is
called stripping) and take care of the first milking of the first calf heifers.
The shock resulted from the fact that I milked very well and easily handled the
heifers. Remember now, I asked to go to this school.
Both of these experiences with rich and poor can be very difficult for a young
teen. I have seen rich kids who were completely lost as young adults. They have
no ambition, no goals and no interest but usually have anger about something. I
have seen rich kids who seem to really have it together. I knew many who were
headed for the best schools in the country. I have seen poor kids who were
completely lost as young adults. They have no ambition, no goals, and no
interest. I have seen a few but not many poor kids who seem to really have it
together and know where they are headed. Rarely have I found a poor kid who
even thought about a college or university other then their football or
basketball team. When I ask myself why these kids don't have the ambition
necessary to succeed in life I realize that it was probably instilled in them
from early childhood.
The ways that kids learn to have a lack of ambition can
vary. The one that I see most often is in lower income families where kids have
to learn to accept their condition in life. It is tough for a father to explain
why his child does not have the same choice of school clothes that other kids
have. When a young teen girl starts dating she realizes quickly that her
economic status may affect which boys ask her to go on a date. The result of
these and many other incidents in their lives forced them to adjust and become
a part of the lower income group and at the same time adopt the attitudes of
the group. Unfortunately these attitudes are much like what we often find in
the black community. The accusation of fellow black students accusing one of
their own of "acting white" is a way of holding the group back in its
shell and intimidating anyone who breaks out. Lower income blacks and whites
all have this. It works because everyone craves acceptance. It doesn't take
much to convince most twelve-year olds that they are "not good
enough" and must remain with "their own kind".
Most kids do not realize that school is just a small part of their life. If a
child happens to come from a low-income family they should be aware that it is
what it is "for now". If a parent denies a child, black or white, the
opportunity in life to aspire to more in life, then a tremendous injustice is
done. Regrettably, the major problem for kids is that parents don't think about
this till the child's senior year in high school and then it is too late - the
damage is done. The real damage comes from those few kids with no wish to
succeed in life enticing others into a group. They then establish low standards
for the group so that none of those in the group will succeed.
The "big fix" for this is not easy. The first problem a fix would
uncover is the variety of sources that the problem has. It includes parents,
teachers, older kids, uncaring school boards and the public at large. It is
obvious that many people are being attacked by me but other than someone
advocating school uniforms is anyone addressing the issue? I wore a school
uniform when I went away to school and milked cows. School uniforms do not mask
social and economic status. It helps a little but is not the panacea that some
think it will be.
One of my sons had a high school football coach that basically rated his
personal success as a football coach by how many of his players played college
ball. This seemed to me like a worthy goal for a coach. My son transferred into
the school his junior year and played football. The coach did not use him at
first but then the coach noticed my son with his trigonometry book in hand one
day and all of a sudden my son was starting at various positions. I now have to
ask myself, was the coach working hard to get his players to the college level
regardless of their status or was he "cherry picking" already
successful students to improve his personal results. You would hope that he was
inspiring his players to do well scholastically, but I wonder now.
If you think that school counselors are the answer then you
probably need to see if your school has the same situation I became familiar
with some years ago. Picture a counselor who thinks that college assessment and
promoting ACT or SAT tests is not necessary because only a few high school
graduates are college material and she assumes those students have parents that
already know about the test. The counselor seemed to have other duties that
required her time. Every high school graduate should be a candidate for college
until they individually decide to do something else with their life and the
counselor should be there to support them in their life goals whatever they
are.
My resolution of this problem involves a parent orientation when the children
are in the third grade, seventh grade and every year in high school. The main
purpose of the program would be to convince parents to convince their children
that they can have it better in life and that no student has a predetermined
destiny - good or bad. The child needs to learn what is possible and not just
on career day. I believe that one of the main reasons many high school
graduates go to college is because the kids grow up assuming that they are
going to college. If they assume they are not going then they just don't go and
do not prepare scholastically to go. They should never think that college is
out of bounds because of the money. You may want to read my recent article on college
decisions. You can find the article by clicking on School: Is Community College
Or University My Path To A Great Job?
A child should have a goal of doing better in life than his parents,
economically and/or professionally. All parents should want this for their
child but unfortunately some do not. Maybe we need to educate the parents in
achieving success in life too. I hope that I never meet another young adult who
felt they could not achieve more in life but I am sure I will. I know I could
have done more. |
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