Submitted by: Josh Greenberger(1,018) Log in to become a member of Josh Greenberger's Fan Club!
Due to increased fuel costs, airlines have been forced to cut back on
some amenities, and charge for some services traditionally included in
airfare.
In addition to some of these changes, this list also includes some
changes which, I have from reliable sources, are sure to follow.
* $15 each way for the first checked bag, $25 each way for the second checked bag.
* $25 for x-raying the first bag, $35 for x-raying each additional bag.
* $10 surcharge for x-raying bags over 2 feet in height (since more electrons are used in the process).
* $10 for copies of your bags' x-rays.
* $50 to have your bags' x-rays framed.
* $10 surcharge to have your bags' x-rays touched up so your clothes look more expensive.
* $50 penalty for leaning on the person next to you. If you know the
person next to you, the penalty will be waved but you'll be charged a
$50 fee. What's the difference? One's a penalty, the other one's a fee.
* Since much fuel is consumed during takeoff and landing, there will be a $50 landing fee.
* Those who opt out of the landing fee will have the option to purchase
a parachute for $500. Experienced skydivers will have the additional
option of renting the parachute for $25.
* $100 for little pet parachutes.
* Families will be able to save by jumping together with one super-sized parachute.
* $8 for peanuts in velcro-covered bags so they don't float away before you pull the ripcord.
* Passengers who miss the airport parachute landing area will be charged $75 to get back into the airport.
* Passengers who's luggage is lost due to the gross negligence of the
airline, will get a free set of x-rays of their luggage so they can at
least remember what their luggage looked like.
* After some modifications to plane hatches, all connecting flights
will be done in midair, space-shuttle style. All those afraid of
heights will be given neck braces to keep their heads facing up toward
the constellation Cepheus. Why Cepheus? That's an extra $10.
* No longer will waiting in a terminal building, after being canceled
or delayed, be free of charge. Sitting will be ten cents a minutes.
Standing will be three cents a minute. Bending over forward will incur
a surcharge of 75 cents. Bending over backwards will get you arrested
as a suspected terrorist -- there's just no reason for anyone to bend
over backwards.
Will all this improve safety and performance? Probably not. But the
exra money will go toward other improvements which will help cut
expenses even further. For example, every cockpit will be equipped with
a bar to cut down on the time wasted waiting for pilots to return to
their planes.
» left by Avis Ward(8,954) Avis Ward (65 days 14 hours ago.)
Yikes! (The last paragraph.) Hi Josh, this was entertaining and funny. I hope it was no where close to what's ahead. Double yikes! Thanks for the laughs.
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