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Divorce is so rampant in today's society. In Virginia, you can be separated for only 3 months before you can file for a divorce.
Some states, including North Carolina, have an EZ Divorce Kit. How
do I know this? Because I went through it myself. I was married to a
man in North Carolina for 7 years and got divorced this way. (In NC,
you have to be separated for one year before you can file for a
divorce) We had no children, no house, no major belongings except he
had a truck and I had my car. It was so simple to do it…legally.
Not so…spiritually.
I was just learning how to hear God's voice when I was going through
this tragedy in my life. I was concerned about what God would do to me
if I got a divorce. You see, back then, I really did not know God at
all. I grew up in a church full of do's and don'ts. The only thing that
my church taught me was how to be a hypocrite…and I was good at it.
So…I literally thought that God would cast me down into hell because a
divorce was the only way out of the mental and physical abuse that I
endured. Granted, I did my fair share as well.
"It has also been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife must give her a
written notice.' But I can guarantee that any man who divorces his wife
for any reason other than unfaithfulness makes her look as though she
has committed adultery. Whoever marries a woman divorced in this way
makes himself look as though he has committed adultery." Matt 5:31-32
(GW)
I read this scripture after I found out that my ex-husband was unfaithful. I was in relief.
However…God really does hate divorce because being unfaithful is
against God's will for our lives. It is a sin. Yes…It is one that can
be restored if true repentance follows. And I am talking about TRUE
repentance. Not just…"Oh, I am sorry. Will you forgive me?"…and then
the next weekend, you do it again. That is not true repentance and it
certainly is not from the heart.
True repentance means to turn away from your sin, never do it again,
and restore faith and trust in the person that you committed the sin
against. That also means God. Anyone who commits this sin has to
restore faith and trust with God as well. You cannot live as Jesus
lived and live a life in the world. That is impossible!
Now…am I saying that I don't believe in divorce when there is domestic abuse in the situation? No way.
Here is what Ephesians 5 says about this:
"21 Place yourselves under each other's authority out of respect for
Christ. 22 Wives, place yourselves under your husbands' authority as
you have placed yourselves under the Lord's authority. 23 The husband
is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. It is his
body, and he is its Savior. 24 As the church is under Christ's
authority, so wives are under their husbands' authority in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave his
life for it. 26 He did this to make the church holy by cleansing it,
washing it using water along with spoken words. 27 Then he could
present it to himself as a glorious church, without any kind of stain
or wrinkle-holy and without faults. 28 So husbands must love their
wives as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves
himself. 29 No one ever hated his own body. Instead, he feeds and takes
care of it, as Christ takes care of the church. 30 We are parts of his
body. 31 That's why a man will leave his father and mother and be
united with his wife, and the two will be one. 32 This is a great
mystery. (I'm talking about Christ's relationship to the church.) 33
But every husband must love his wife as he loves himself, and wives
should respect their husbands." Eph 5:21-33 (GW)
It is not only the wives who have to do something here. The husbands
have to love their wives as he loves the church and his own body. If
they don't do that, then you have every right (depending on the
circumstances and what God is saying to you) to separate. If the person
who wronged the other is not willing to change and follow the steps
needed to restore his/her relationship with God and with the person
that they abused, then really there is no other choice, is there?
I do know of people who have been unfaithful to their spouse and was
able to restore faith and trust in the one that was wronged. BUT…this
was only when that person was willing to diligently repent, seek Godly
counsel, search the heart of God, clean up their act, and turn from
their sin. AND some of the greatest ministries have come out of their
heartbreaking situations all because their relationships with God were
completely restored and flourished.
There is hope in these situations if you are willing to stand up, repent, and fight for restoration with God and your loved one. |
