When I tell people that I have been in a long
distance relationship for 2 years, I am often asked the question, "How
do you do it?" Quite frankly, I do not know how I have done it myself
without becoming bald from ripping my own hair out.
Somehow, some
way, my boyfriend and I have managed to stay together when we only see
each other every 1-2 months. Being together is to say the least,
AWESOME. We just cannot get enough of each other. These precious times
together always seem much too short, and we both dread the long wait
until we see each other again.
Everything about being together
means so much. Holding hands--which I think many couples take for
granted if they can see each other everyday--is something I appreciate
with every ounce of me; like you cannot imagine. In long distance
relationships, that element of touch is always missing for great spans
of time, and I just cannot get enough of it when we get to be together.
I appreciate the togetherness, and miss it so much when we cannot have
it.
When we part our ways and go back to our respective homes,
the magic pretty much ends. Long distance relationships are not like
the ones you see in movies with the fairy tale plots.
That being said, my boyfriend and I are possibly the worst candidates for a long distance relationship...
Reason #1:
For starters, for each of us, this is our first relationship... ever.
We were friends for about a year. A mutual friend had introduced us and
we had met in person. From that day forward, we were best friends. Well
one thing led to another, and though it is a long story, the short
version is my boyfriend confessed his feelings to me after a year of
pure friendship. Taken aback, I recognized his feelings but turned him
down for the sake of the friendship, thinking nothing could come of
anything because we were states apart, and it would be crazy to start
something when you are that far away from someone. Well it took me
about three months to realize I shared his feelings, and that I was
absolutely crazy for turning him down. Therefore, at that time, we
decided we would try this thing out.
Reason #2: One of us
loves the phone, and the other hates it. This equation equals lots of
argument. "We've only been on the phone for 30 minutes!" "I don't want
to be on anymore! I have nothing else to say!" "Please, just stay on
for 5 more minutes?" "No, because it won't be enough for you." For
anyone thinking about being in a long distance relationship, you have
to understand that the phone will be your main connection to your
partner. Therefore, if you do not like the phone, then you will not
like a long distance relationship. Not that long distance relationships
are terribly likable to begin with, but they will be will be much more
less likable, won't they?
Reason #3: We simply cannot
afford to see each other as much as we would like--we are lacking in
the money department. Our relationship started when we were sophomores
in college. With full class schedules, there is not time for a
full-time job in there to make enough money to afford to make all the
trips we would like to make. My boyfriend and I actually have never
been able to afford any of the trips we have made to see each other, as
infrequent as they are. We have to use what we have in savings. Pulling
out my debit card to pay for a bus ticket is bittersweet, knowing that
it will be awhile before I can replace that money, but at the same time
I get to see my love. Is it worth it? Yes, just do not get into
negative money.
So how did we not fall apart? Why was our relationship not over much longer ago?
Well,
it almost was. I honestly cannot tell you how many times we have almost
broken up over long distance issues. I say "almost" but sometimes when
we argue, if it is over a big issue, there may be a threat to break up,
without there actually being real intentions to do so, especially 5
minutes after the words come out of your mouth, and you have calmed
down. We have both been guilty of saying things we do not really mean.
So
why? Because of the love we have for each other, simply put. We have
become so connected, that to not be with the other, would be
devastating for both of us. We want each other so much. Therefore,
before you decide you cannot handle the long distance because you are
tired of it, think about the person you are with. Would you stay with
them if distance was not separating you? If the answer is yes, then you
should reconsider your decision. You may regret leaving the person.
After all, someday long distance relationships have to become
relationships not separated by distance any longer. Can you wait for
that day? If you love the person, you most certainly can.
How did we work through the problems?
At
the start of our relationship is when our phone issues were a larger
problem. It was not until over time, there became a mutual
understanding that our phone conversations were important to our
relationship, and were the glue in keeping us together. However, we
also no longer stay on the phone for the sake of staying on the phone.
If we run out of conversation topics and there is dead air, either
someone comes up with something to talk about or we are done talking.
This rule works to make both people happy when they have differing
opinions on talking on the phone. Trust me. This is coming from someone
who wanted to stay on the phone in the quoted argument above.
Being
our first relationship, many would think this factor would certainly
indicate a grim future for the relationship. We have found however that
it has actually kept us together. First love is a strong love. Without
prior experience in other relationships, one may believe first
relationships never last, especially a long distance relationship.
However, we started our relationship as two mature people, both willing
to work to make our relationship possible. Before deciding you want to
be in a long distance relationship with someone, decide if both you and
your prospective boyfriend/girlfriend really want this. Both hearts
have to be in it and want to work hard for the relationship. Working
through problems is necessary in any relationship, and even more so in
a long distance relationship because they will and do happen.
As
far as the money situation, it has not improved yet and we have not
been able to see each other more than every 1-2 months. But we have to
have something to work on, right?
