My friend just returned from her high school reunion and she had to tell me all about it. She was so impressed with the need for people to
live in the past. She said they wore name tags with not just their names, but also descriptive phrases. Some were class president, conservative, valedictorian, anarchist, Prom Queen or King, most likely to succeed... well, you get the point. Most all of the people she no longer recognized were altered by either surgery, botox, or hair pieces. It was a very confusing and disappointing experience for her, especially when she started hearing about personal tragedies, multiple divorces, lost children, failed businesses, and abuse. But the main point is that all were identifying themselves by who they were 40 years ago!
In abuse recovery, it is all too easy to define yourself by what you were - by what happened to you (especially if, like me, you have authored a book on child abuse. What a shame if that inner definition is the only one by which you know yourself! Abuse is your experience, not who you are!
It has shaped you, scarred you, and altered much of your life, but there is a definition of you that is beyond abuse. That personal definition changes as you grow. As you decide that you really are more than what happened to you. At the same time, you must be the one who drives what you ultimately become. It's challenging to unravel all of the fibers that compose who you are, but you are more than the metaphors of class president, or doper, valedictorian, or drop out.
You are more than your abuse. But you are also more than the dysfunctional ways with which you coped with your damage!
When you are alone - when there is no one to impress or blame - who are you? What is your personal definition? The one that really matters. To Christ, the one that really mattered was love - all encompassing, kind, gentle, compassionate love. The Word tells us
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love..As I've said before, people feel and define love differently. For me, it has always felt like total acceptance. When my light bulb moment came and I realized God did, indeed, love me, it felt like acceptance - something I had felt precious few times in my life. It felt wonderful!
Today I am working on loving (accepting) myself in a healthy, biblical way: feeling comfortable in my skin. That does not come with money or achievements, but with the increasing realization of how much God values me. I'm His girl! He is proud of me! He values every feeling I have and validates me. That's all based on
The Whispers from God's Spirit I receive in the quiet hours we spend alone.
I am not my parents' "abused" child anymore. I'm God's Girl! Do you know who you are?
(c) 2008
April Lorier |
Related PostsAPRIL LORIER - So. California. An award-winning poet, inspirational author and speaker. A survivor of both child abuse and adult domestic abuse, April inspires women to be all that God designed them to be! She first gained recognition as a children's rights crusader while successfully fighting for the passage of the Child Abuse and Neglect Reporting Act (CANRA), which was signed into law by Ronald Reagan.
