Most of us have had some sort of traumatic experience or experiences from our childhood, which have become buried in our souls and psyches, and cause us much damage, especially if we are unaware they even exist. Something, or some experience, is holding us back, causing anger and heartache and frustration, impatience, and depression. We can run towards a bad relationship, drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, or we can come to terms with our demons and run towards happiness and positivity and a caring nature.
The bad images we have of the past can't just be wiped out in our minds, for us to think okay, now they're erased, and I can move on. It doesn't work like that. Alcohol only stays in our system for so long, and those thoughts will come back to haunt us, and inevitably, we will once again seek out something to take away the pain that still exists. In this manner, we are just camouflaging our hurt. Much in the same way that a band aid only covers our wound, or a pain pill only relieves the pain until it wears off.
We simply cannot run away from the bad circumstances of our past. We need to confront them and express them, if possible. My main problem growing up was never getting enough attention from my father, and when I did, most of the time it was negative. He had no knowledge that words, and putdowns could cripple me for life. I ran from that whole twenty three year period for a long time, until I was thirty eight. At that point, after going to a self help seminar, and being helped, imagine that!, I confronted my father, and after he blew his top, and we had to have another meeting, we were able to iron things out. It was simply me telling him I loved him and he was always my hero, but I never felt any connection to him other than negativity and putdowns, and him understanding my side and then telling me he loved me, had always loved me, and had always been proud of me.
We got along from that moment until he passed away when I was 45. I didn't have to run from that past anymore. I stopped using alcohol as my crutch and salvation, and haven't touched it in 14 years. I felt whole, like nothing was missing. I had felt that missing link for 38 years! I still faced problems, and some I ran from, some I acknowledged and took care of, but my relationship with my father was the one thing that brought me down the most. Once I dealt with and accepted the past, I didn't to have to run away from my bad feelings, and I began to work on myself and my own character defects.
I began running towards the good. I read so many different types of books that helped me understand myself better. Self help books, spiritual books, astrology books, where I learned a great deal about the reasons why I tick the way I do. I read near death experience books and strengthened my waning faith. I began to feel as if I may have a purpose on this Earth, I just didn't know what it was. While I was raising my kids, I knew that was a God given present, and my job to do, but now, they are grown, and again, I wonder where I will find my niche'. Hopefully, it will be in writing, since I love to do so.
I‘ve made peace with the past. I made many mistakes and suffered for doing so, but now, the slate is almost clean, and I can run towards the good, and not away from the bad. Running away from the past does nothing for you but bring you down, melt your resolve, zap your strength, whittle away at your faith, make you feel sorry for yourself, and send you searching for something to fill the void you feel. Running towards the future fills your spirit with excitement and enthusiasm and makes you want to keep learning and growing and changing for the better. There is negativity in running from the past, and positivity in running towards the future.
There is hope in the future, and sometimes, deep depression in the past. We can live in either feeling, but hope is so much brighter and more fulfilling. It can also be a challenge to see how far you can come when you put your mind to it, and take the proper steps to rid yourself of the bad of the past, and flood yourself with the good of the present and the future. It's also easier to take care of the normal, or not so normal, problems of the present, when you're not all wrapped up in the cellophane of the past.
You can't seem to move, or get out. You can't get anything solid accomplished. And usually, you keep making the same mistakes over and over again. However, if you use the tools that are readily available, mainly books on different parts of life, and how to move on from the past, and embrace the future, your spirit can be lifted, and your attitude highlighted. You will then no longer be running from the past, but running towards the future.
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