I respectfully pass by so many articles about how to "get a man" or "woo a woman." I think the examples may just be one of the reasons the divorce rate is so high. Nobody is being who they really are. The dating game is called that for a reason; so many think of it as an amusing past time. You're supposed to look a certain way, speak with a certain voice, smile a certain way, talk about certain things. All bull. How two people feel should, in my humble opinion, be expressed, so they can really get to know one another. That entails, how does one think on certain subjects, what are their feelings on politics, war, marriage, kids, commitment, fun, sex, houses, what state they'd like to live in, what their occupation is, and do they want to stay in that profession?
Of course, that is moving too fast in many people's eyes, but if the two people involved find they really have nothing in common, they don't have to go through months of dating and "posing." Pretending they are happy when they wake up in the morning, acting like they love the opera, wearing shoes that kill the feet, and outfits that are uncomfortably tight, composing themselves when they want to scream and let it all out. Politely visiting with the potential in-laws, when you don't find them very interesting, or particularly nice. It's like being George Costanza on Seinfeld. Everything in his life is either fake, exaggerated, or a lie.
If everything in your relationship is either fake, exaggerated, or a lie, it ain't good. Everything is moving along so well, it's engagement time, and then marriage. The honeymoon is beautiful, as you awake before him to put your make-up on and do your hair. You are both on your best behavior still, and it appears a dream has come true. Your relationship must have been created in Heaven. Finally, time to go back to a reality that has never been exposed before. All of a sudden, little by little, things start creeping up that annoy and irritate each other. Nothing is said yet, after all, the suitcases are still filled with honeymoon clothes.
The morning wake up is no longer approached with smiling faces and romantic hello's. He hasn't taken the initiative to take the garbage out in a week, and is constantly asking for a sandwich as he sits and watches wrestling night after night. Not cool. Of course, she spreads her make-up over the whole bathroom counter, takes long baths every morning, and doesn't like to cook, and he wonders if she even knows how. He likes the window open, she "gets cold." He likes cowboy movies, and she likes romantic comedies. She likes butter on her popcorn, he likes it plain. He has now displayed a bit of a temper, and she has displayed a worse one.
Every Sunday, they are expected at his mother's for dinner, and she wants no part of it. Her sister is a weekly Friday night visitor, equipped with the margaritas that make his wife act totally weird, and sleep all day Saturday. They begin to argue more, and make up less. But it wasn't like this when they were "dating." They were so, what's the word? Phony! They played their roles right into divorce court. The Hell they have to go through there hardly seems worth the trouble of fooling each other. What if they were just who they are, from the beginning?
No suggestive smiles or apparel while standing at the bar, trying to get Mr. Hunk to look your way. High heels that kill the feet, but draw attention. Smiles you won't be able to duplicate for long, because they're not real. I truly believe that if people were honest with each other from the start, there would be less divorce. Communication is so important, and it's so advantageous to really know the person you're supposedly going to spend the rest of your life with. If they aren't being their true self, and you are, there will be big problems ahead. If you aren't being yourself, and they are, same troubles. If both of you aren't, either an angry marriage or a divorce.
So why doesn't everybody just be themselves? If you don't get a date, you're either looking in the wrong places, or you haven't found the person who shares your ideas and thoughts and beliefs and boundaries. Patience is worth it in this circumstance. When you can openly communicate with another person, and they know just what you are saying, and they've even thought it before themselves, chances are you'll get along a lot better than someone who doesn't know your favorite color, movie, food, or even your middle name. You just looked "cute" together. Knowing as much as you can about someone lets you know whether you like them, love them, could spend the rest of your life with them, or whether you should just "pass." Honesty is the best policy. Wear those flip flops and your hair in a pony tail and your comfortable clothes. And the guys, wear those shorts and baseball caps. At least then, you'll be getting to know the real people behind the genuine smiles.
