Submitted by: Lynn Rosenberg(77) Soleil Chic Log in to become a member of Lynn Rosenberg's Fan Club!
The cancers were different. One was skin cancer and the other emanated from the liver.
One was a human death, the other K9.
One was my husband, the other my beloved dog, Zacky, 12 years later.
To many people, equating or comparing or even putting the loss of an animal in the same sentence as a human, would not be acceptable.
But this is the truth, my truth, and that's why I'm writing about it.
My husband was a good and kind man who loved me and that made him stand out against any man or family member that came before him. He had a major flaw that would impact all those close to him. He ignored the discolored mole on his arm.
I did everything to try and save his life. I changed doctors when it seemed to me they weren't showing deep concern or interest. I did every kind of research, from calling friends, to computer, to hospitals and doctors. Three years after diagnosis, I found out about a drug in trials that was being imported from France for melanoma that had gone to the brain. I got the doctor back east (who imported it) connected with our doctor, and it was shipped to us. My husband struggled, no question, but he was still with us another three years.
When my husband was ill, but definitely functioning, because there was so little we could do, I suggested we get a puppy. We thought it would give us some joy and something to do. As it turns out, we got the puppy at 9 weeks old and my husband died 6 months later.
The puppy, a Wheaten Terrier, named "Zacky", did bring joy and laughter into our lives. Everyone thought we were crazy to take on a puppy, and this could be an understandable thought from their point of view. But we had our point of view. We were living such limited lives that we were desperate for something that we could do from home, and loving a puppy was something we could do.
We lived in an apartment where no dogs were allowed.
One afternoon I was coming home from a walk and in the lobby was a man visiting his sister to show her his new puppy. I couldn't believe this animal. When I called him over, he came to me by jumping with all fours straight up in the air. His face was incredibly beautiful and in a matter of a minute or two, I was in love.
Fortunately, my brother-in-laws owned the building we lived in. Unfortunately, they said "No." But I knew there was one compassionate link whom I might persuadeone of my sister-in-laws. And persuade I did.
Next, I had to find the dog. I did my research and went to see a litter of Wheaten Terrier puppies. They were only four weeks old. I sat down on the carpet. The breeder opened the door to the crate where Mom was feeding 6 hungry pups, 3 girls and 3 boys.
Five of the pups went everywhere else but to me. But the 6 th pup, the runt of the litter, a little boy with a turquoise ribbon around his neck came straight for me and started licking my fingers.
I knew I couldn't have him because the Breeder had already told me they wanted to wait to see which ones they were going to choose to be show dogs, and it would take several more weeks to tell. Still, I asked.
She said I could come back and visit again in a week or two. I came back once more. I fell even more in love with this dog. But I got no decision.
A day or two later, I called her to tell her I couldn't come back, that it was too painful coming to see this puppy without knowing I could have him.
Two weeks later, she called me and the decision was made: We could have the dog. I was jubilant and my husband was happy, too.
I came up with a name. Zacky. We went to pick him up and thus began the greatest joy, purest happiness and best adventure I had ever known. After my husband died, Zacky licked the tear off my face. But he also expected to go out and have fun. I was responsible to him. I saw him depressed once, and vowed I would do everything possible to give him the life he deserved.
It is 12 years later and I just had to put Zacky down. The unbearable grief reminds me of the grief I felt after my husband died. Zacky was my last connection to my husband and father.
Was it worth it? For a long while after my husband died, I thought it wasn't. Nothing could be worth this agony. And, now, in the midst of shock and disbelief at losing Zacky, I am barely able to contemplate the question.
But, in thinking about it, had I not experienced the joy, fun and love each gave me and I gave in return life would have held little meaning for me, would have been empty and I would have been deprived of something that doesn't always come our way.
Would I trade the agony in which I find myself. There are moments I think yes'. But I would have missed the greatest loves of my life, my two treasures. Great love, inspite of heart-wrenching sadness, is, for me, the winner every time.
Lynn Rose lost her husband to melanoma. She turned her grief into passion for helping others by designing beautiful UV Umbrellas and UV Hats.
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