Even adults struggle with fitting into groups. As an adult I still see
daily the struggle individuals have to be in the “popular crowd." It is funny
how we never seem to grow out of that awkward teenage stage.
At times, it is evident that we are doing whatever it takes to fit into an
image of who we want to be in life or in our circles. I never really noticed
this until today.
Because of circumstances, I am involved with some old friends this week. I
had forgotten how insecurities can turn into emotional drama in a matter of
seconds. When digging deeper into these issues, it became apparent that a lot
of the drama is happening because of this need to fit in to a group.
As a society, we are lonely people. I think we spend so much time being
busy that sometimes we forget the importance of relationships. We all want to
be liked and this want can easily lead to actions that sometimes seem desperate
and misguided.
In the past, I have found myself in these same situations. Caught up going
along with the group, convinced that I needed to be overly dramatic about a
cause just to fit in.
However, today, I had an life-changing realization. I am blessed to have
some amazing women as friends in my life. I have learned a lot from them over
the past year. But probably the most important thing I have learned is what
true friendship is really all about. Here are a few qualities they have modeled
to me and in turn taught me the most valuable lesson about “fitting in."
Be Authentic
I know we hear this terminology a lot. But what does it mean? I have an
amazing friend that will just lay it all on the line and tell it like it is.
That is what being real is. Everyone has struggles. When you try to be perfect
or portray this perfect image, you come off as someone who can’t be trusted. I
have more respect for the woman who has issues in their marriage or financial
issues because I can relate to them in a closer, authentic way.
Stop Gossiping
If you can’t say something to the person’s face, don’t say it at all. I
have struggled with this issue. I can’t tell you how many times I have found
myself in the middle of a conversation agreeing with someone about someone
else. I can say that there is nothing worse than the guilt afterwards for
participating in one of these conversations. What I did learn over this past
year is that if they talk that way with you, they talk that way about you as
well.
You Will Have Confrontations
It is human nature to disagree. We are all made different. We have
different opinions and thoughts. The key when you disagree is not to go talk
about the person behind their back. The key is to go to the source. We are not
in high school anymore despite how we feel. It is important the face the
individual head on and not let ill feelings fester inside. I used to run from
confrontations. Still to this day, my first instinct is to run. But once I do
confront the issues, I can’t tell you how many times God has worked through the
situation.
Be Honest With Your Self
I think so many times it is easier for us to point the blame to someone
else. If there is an issue that you have caused or witnessed, don’t blame
another person. Be honest with your role in the situation. It is more admirable
to me when a girlfriend is brave enough to say, “I made a mistake." We are
human and we do make mistakes. Unfortunately, the people we will hurt the most
is the person we love. Ask forgiveness and learn from the mistake.
This article was supposed to be about fitting “in." I think if you are the
type of person who is real, authentic and honest, fitting in will happen
naturally. Look at yourself and see if you are being a good friend. If you are
being good, naturally you will fit in. It is when you perform misguided actions
that we end up becoming the outcast, most times by our own doing.
I am thankful for the great girlfriends I have been blessed to share my
life. I am thankful for the wisdom. Everyone was to be liked, the key is just
being yourself.
