Why do we have Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, Christmas, Easter, Boss's Day, Secretary's Day, Earth Day, and a host of other special days? It's a card company conspiracy; at least, that's what several people have suggested to me in recent years. The conspiracy theory goes something like this: Members of the marketing departments of the main card companies are charged with finding some new popular event to celebrate with a greeting card, of course.
It does seem that we are constantly encouraged by the card company marketers to think of sending a card to someone for some reason. Today we find cards for almost every occasion, including "Congratulations on Your Divorce, welcome to the single's scene". Damn those card companies for constantly trying to get my discretionary cash.
On the other hand, the artists and gifted communicators employed by the card companies can express beautifully, eloquently, powerfully, and sometimes humorously what we may have trouble articulating ourselves. We can peruse a plethora of different creations to find a card that says something close to what we want to express to our friend or loved one.
The very receipt of a card from someone tells us that we were important enough to them to be thought of on the occasion or non-occasion. Generally, we can accept that the sentiment within the card we receive is similar to what the giver genuinely feels. I know there are exceptions to both of these points. Sometimes we send a card out of some sense of social duty for instance, you sent me a Christmas card, so I better send you one. And some of us send cards that sound like we think you are the best Mom, Dad, Boss, whatever because we know that is what you want to hear; and we want to please more than be honest. Still, I believe that most of us freely send cards that express our true feelings.
It is sometimes difficult for us to directly express our feelings to one another. We could argue that it shouldn't be this way, but it is the way many of us are wired nonetheless. Today, I can tell my Mom that I love her with ease. But I can remember being inhibited in my expressions of love to her as a young man. Cards were such a great tool then. Frankly, I felt a little safer having the card company poet say it for me.
At my age, I find the reception of cards from my adult kids and from my friends a delightful experience. They often contain expressions of love and appreciation that are quite touching. And I suppose that they come from people who suffer from some of the same inhibition that I used to feel, because I have rarely heard those powerful expressions verbally from most of them. Bless the card companies!
Let me encourage you to do three things. First, send the most genuine and meaningful cards you can find to people in your life. Most of us can use more encouragement and expressions of love from others. Second, read the cards you get and let the message sink in. Yes, the words are those of a card company poet, but your friend or loved one chose those words to send to you. Enjoy them. Finally, add your own words; you don't have to be eloquent, just honest. I know I wrote "I love you, Mom" in cards for years before I found the freedom to say the words to her. I'm glad I won't stand over her casket someday desperately wishing I had told her.
Let's develop the communication muscle that enables us to directly express our love and appreciation to all the important people in our lives. Love unexpressed is no better than the absence of love. Thousands of people may feel love for me; I am benefited only by those who express it to me. So, let's go out of our way to express love, appreciation, encouragement to someone today. And, let's take a step out of our comfort zone to do it this time.
Dane Tyner is founder and director of Home Improvement Ministry, a Christian family counseling service in Tulsa, OK.The ministry website is http://www.forhim.org.
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