Have you ever heard somebody voice an argument that is so inane you have to wonder about the person's planet of origin? Regardless of political, educational, or social differences, some things remain the same. Like logic. At least, I thought they were supposed to. Today somebody proved me wrong. Let me explain.
I've been working on a major project at work these past few days. Since the impact on my user community is substantial, I've had to do a lot of prep work to make sure downtime is at a minimum. I've also had to work after hours because most of the work being done requires our computer systems to be down. As a result, I haven't had much sleep these past few nights.
The combination of exhaustion and frustration can take its toll after awhile. After an especially irritating couple of hours dealing with a Computer Support group that evidently forgot what their middle name was ("Support", perhaps?), I was less than sociable. However, I knew I had to keep things light so I wouldn't start taking out my co-workers. For me, part of that is looking for victories, no matter how small. When I got off the phone after successfully helping a user step through configuring her e-mail properly, I celebrated by letting out a loud "¡Excelente!"
"Hey!" came the protest from a few cubicles over. I heard it but ignored it, because after all, working in Cubicleland means that a comment heard by many is usually meant for only one. It turned out that this time the one in question was me.
The woman walked into my cubicle unannounced. "Was that you speaking just now?" she asked. I answered in the affirmative. "You need to be careful," she warned me. "What you just said could be considered offensive by Hispanics." Evidently the confused look on my face was enough to prompt her to explain: "Somebody might hear what you say and think you're putting down their culture because of the way you use their language."
I tried to wrap my tired brain around her concept, unsuccessfully. I couldn't help it; I had to ask. "Why would they assume that?"
She stuttered and stammered a moment or two, then lowered her voice before finally replying, "Well, because you're white."
In the split second between the end of her comment and the beginning of my response, thoughts raced through my head like debris in a tornado. We live in Texas, for God's sake! There is a huge Hispanic population here. One hears Spanish spoken nearly as much as English, and sometimes more in certain areas of the community. We both work for an organization that is very multi-racial and multi-cultural. It offers free classes in Spanish for any employee who wants to learn, and free ESL (English-second-language) classes for its Spanish-speaking employees. One could infer that the company encourages learning additional languages as a way to improve communication between different groups within the organization as well as with its customers. And yet somebody might think I was being derogatory by saying a Spanish word just because I'm not Hispanic? Oh, and by the way, lady, you're white, too. How would you know what Hispanics do or do not think of how I use words from their language?
I looked the woman straight in the eye, opened my mouth...and burst into raucous laughter. (Note to self: Lack of sleep can sometimes lead to lack of emotional control.) Had to clap both hands over my mouth to dampen some of the noise. I turned away from the woman, bent over double and shaking because I was laughing so hard. I don't know if she walked away mad, or if she just walked away, but I was too busy trying not to collapse to the floor in a literal ROFL moment to care. Finally I got myself under some semblance of control (though not without the occasional outburst of giggling), wiped the tears from my eyes, and got back to work...or tried to.
The thought processes a weary brain generates aren't always conducive to a healthy work environment, but they sure can be innovative. I can't use a Spanish exclamation because somebody might take offense. Does this mean I can't eat in a Mexican restaurant anymore because I have no way to convey to the waiter (who speaks perfectly acceptable English, by the way) that I want the TACO combo plate with an extra beef BURRITO and a chicken FLAUTA, and some CHILE CON QUESO and GUACAMOLE on the side? Are white people going to have to find new, English-sounding words to replace those that most of us have grown up with all our lives? Do we eliminate all words derived from Spanish from our vocabulary? By extension, do we eliminate all words derived from ANY other language as well, so as not to offend the Germans and the Italians and the Russians and the Japanese and the Croatians and the Slavs and every other culture that has contributed to the formation of the English language? And what if I'm not English? What language do I use? What if I'm a melding of several cultures? Do I have to pick only one language, or can I combine words and phrases from all the dialects which my heritage indicates are my birthright? Do we need to start a Language Police branch of law enforcement, making sure that nobody uses words from outside their own racial and ethnic backgrounds? And how will we communicate if we're each using our own special language? We may as well go back to hieroglyphics. Oh, that's right, we can't do that, because that's the language of the ancient Egyptians (don't let a little thing like a dead culture prevent us from doing the right thing and separating everyone into their own special little group).
I guess maybe what we should do is start a brand new language from scratch, and call it something like Americana. We should carefully research all proposed words to make sure no part of them can be perceived as being derived from any other language, so we don't offend any other societies. Then stop using English and start speaking only Americana, teaching it to ourselves and our kids, so that we can be the separatist society that we should have been all along. The Great American Melting Pot idea is so 200 years ago. Let's just go right back to the Tower of Babel, which is where we should have stayed all those millenia ago!
There's a part of me that wants to run out right now, grab some aluminum foil, and fashion a hat for my female co-worker. Maybe it'll help filter out all those alien thoughts they're trying to beam into her head. Or maybe I'm too late. Maybe she's already gone over to the dark side.
I really do need to get some sleep tonight. Maybe tomorrow the world will look a little more sane. I certainly hope so. If this is what our world is coming to, then maybe it's time for me to find one of those white jackets with the extra long sleeves that tie in the back.
