There's one factor that is common to all who experience problems with MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) versus those who don't.
Simply put, those who are satisfied with their level of success have control over their dating lives, and those who aren't...don't.
When your dating life is "out of control", that's precisely when you are in very real danger of becoming a "chaser" rather than a chooser.
In other words, because you don't feel as if you have OPTIONS, every interaction with every woman becomes all-important.
After all, if she "rejects" you, it's back to the drawing board...
Just about every day it seems I get an e-mail or two from a guy who believes that WOMEN are uniquely and invariably the "choosers", while men are the "chasers".
And although I don't believe it necessarily has to be that way, those who do sure tend to have a firmly-held belief in that regard.
After all, to the average guy it really does look like attractive hotties call all the shots. Tons of guys approach, and tons of guys get "rejected". Only a select few "golden boys" get past her defenses and are offered the chance to "impress her".
Now I'll be the first to admit to you that those women are indeed "choosers".
And guess what? If you fall in line trying to "impress her", you're chasing.
But here's a shocking revelation for you.
Just about every day, we get an e-mail (or four) from a WOMAN who believes MEN are the "choosers", and that she as a woman is left to do the "chasing".
And she's 100% correct also.
How can this be?
Well yes, the one with the OPTIONS is in control, no doubt. But there's something deeper at play here when it comes to "choosing" vs. "chasing".
And you know what? The deeper issue is indeed VERY gender specific, unlike the baseline factor of having control over your dating life.
The truth is that BOTH genders are CHASING something.
And BOTH genders, once they understand what MOTOS really want, have the power to be selective in giving it to them.
As a man, you've probably already figured out that guys tend to "chase" sex. Women who are sexually attractive to us tend to be immediately desirable.
So the battle cry of the man who feels women have all the power in relationships is, "Yeah, but SHE can get laid anytime she wants...it's US GUYS who have to try so hard!"
Want to know something? It's PRECISELY that one-dimensional way of thinking that's KEEPING YOU in "chaser mode".
If you are frustrated with the power women seem to have over you, that's why.
So what's the secret here?
Let me challenge you: What if you could get outside of your own head for a moment and get into the head of a woman?
Like I said, we get letters from women who believe MEN have ALL THE POWER.
How can that be?
Easy. It's just that men and women are chasing after DIFFERENT OUTCOMES.
Women aren't chasing sex. Women who are "chasers" are typically chasing COMMITMENT.
A woman who feels her dating life is out of control is likely frustrated because she feels a fantastic long-term relationship is out of her reach.
Need proof? Google "dating advice for women" and look at the titles of the various books and programs out there. There aren't many "get laid quick" books for women, are there?
Yet, women's dating advice is plentiful and apparently necessary. And almost all of it focuses on getting a man to stick around and commit. Even Emily's Click With Him program is no exception.
So what does all this mean in practical terms?
(Make sure you are sitting down for this.)
What this means to YOU is that making the shift from CHASER to CHOOSER is absolutely, positively within your grasp.
But you're going to have to make a radical mind shift.
If you are sex-focused, you are--by definition, mind you--HANDING OVER all the power to women. You are putting them in the "catbird's seat" as far as being the choosers YOU are chasing.
Meanwhile, the man who knows how to IGNITE FEMININITY understands women. He understands the more holistic gift that a great woman represents to him.
What's more, he also inherently recognizes that a great man--confident, masculine, able to give her security and of unmistakable character--is IMMENSELY VALUABLE to women everywhere.
Basically, he knows that a "great catch" is so sought after by women that they will do exactly that...they will seek after it.
Or said differently, if YOU can be that guy, women will CHASE YOU.
Here's the crazy part: Your sexual frustrations will likely vanish into thin air when that happens.
When you TAKE THE LEAD and represent to a woman exactly what she wants, she'll respond by offering YOU what YOU want in hopes of getting what she's "chasing".
Now listen, I don't advocate taking advantage of women sexually that you have no intentions of rewarding with the relationship they seek.
I don't recommend that any more than I recommend you becoming a "sexless boyfriend" to any of the women you've been chasing in the past.
What I AM saying, is that you will NEVER AGAIN "chase" sexual fulfillment.
Instead, your eyes will be opened to an almost surreal world where women desire MORE of you than LESS of you. Women will call YOU more often. They will write you letters. They will cook you
dinner. They will rub your back. They will GLOW when you look at them.
All without you having to beg, grovel or otherwise resign your manhood.
Scot McKay is a character-based dating and relationship coach, online dating consultant, talk show host and founder of X & Y Communications. He lives in San Antonio, TX with his wife and co-conspirator Emily (whom he met online), three kids and two hairless terriers.
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