The other night after dinner, my oldest daughter called for a family meeting... Uh-Oh.
These meetings are happening with alarming frequency as my children get older and I become, at least in their opinion, much more difficult to live with. Thankfully tonight my daughter only had two points to make, neither one directly relating to me although ultimately I would end up being questioned by local authorities as a result of my attempts to resolve my daughter's dilemma.
Her first point was to mention that her best friend Trish was in the market for a used car and would I happen to be able to shed any light or advice on her purchasing one. As a backdrop to this conversation, I had just upgraded vehicles and had a very reliable used car parked out beside the tool shed.
I knew her angle of course. If I sold this Trish my car then my daughter would have a ride to school. She could graduate from the big yellow school bus to the little red Toyota thus saving herself from a lifetime of public embarrassment and ridicule.
I thought for a moment about what clever piece of advice I could offer that would have the greatest effect of annoying my daughter and finally said, "Tell your friend that she should never buy a used car that she would be unable to push".
To my surprise and disappointment the comment had little effect on her and she moved on to her next point, that of the neighbors rooster.
For those that are not familiar with my life story, I recently moved my family out to the country and we have been subjected to all kinds of new and annoying things like well water, septic tanks, nosey good ol' boy neighbors, large bugs and most recently a rooster that crows around five AM every morning, including Saturdays and Sundays.
My daughter could not understand why this was necessary as even us country folk have electricity and access to alarm clocks. I explained that the rooster was not aware of this and was just doing what roosters do although I too was growing weary of the early morning crowing.
My daughter pulled out a piece of paper from Heaven knows where, probably the same place she hides her vegetables since she was two years old, and said she had been doing some research on the Internet and that I may find this interesting.
I took the print out and read the following fact; Roosters cannot crow if they cannot extend their necks. Further down the page was an advertisement for a device you could install on a roosters neck to accomplish exactly that...how very interesting.
My daughter said the device was priced reasonably considering the effect lack of sleep was having on her school work and most likely my production at work as was evidenced by the large amounts of macaroni and cheese we had been eating several times a week.
I threw her one of my "watch it young lady" glares and told her that the price club had a special on Mac and Cheese that I simply could not pass up and used the old "there's starving kids in Africa" line that has about the same effect as my oft ignored glares these days.
I did however, tell my daughter that I was very impressed with her research and promised I would speak with the neighbor about the crowing rooster.
Considering how much I hate talking to the neighbors, I decided my best approach to solving this problem was to draft an official looking document, with the counties emblem and everything on it, and mail it to said neighbor pretending to be some bureaucrat from city hall.
The document described the laws governing disturbing the peace statutes along with information on where he could obtain the neck restraining device for the rooster in question.
A few days later a real city official arrived at my door and informed me that impersonating a city official and creating false documents was a crime and did I care to shed any light on his current investigation into the matter.
I began to shake uncontrollably as he produced an arrest warrant and threatened to haul me off to jail.
Thankfully it was right at this moment that the neighbor's rooster crowed and woke me up from this awful dream I was having.
I don't know if we will ever get relief from this rooster as the average life span of these annoying creatures is 12-14 years. My stupid cat is afraid of the darn thing and refuses to eat him. I've been unable to get a clear shot at that bobbing head of his with my son's bb gun, and although I offered to pay for the neck restraining device, my neighbor took offense to me suggesting that we silence his pride and joys early morning wake up songs and slammed the screen door in my face (country folk slam screen doors instead of real ones and the effect is laughable at best).
What in the heck is wrong with people out here? I must be careful though as I noticed grass growing high under my used car parked out by the tool shed. Junk cars parked behind the house seems to be the first sign of a person going "country" and I'm thinking mighty hard about selling my used Toyota to that girl Trish.
» left by jamespkrehbielthefirst from scottsdale, az (63 days 6 hours ago.)
Myla, The rooster and the Toyota, hmmm... Could be a good child's book. Well, when my son was in high school, I gave him my used Golfmobile and I never saw him again. He and his buddies went to Little Caesar's Pizza for lunch every day in that VW during the school year. That's pizza, 5 days a week for 4 years of high school... ugh. You and your daughter crack me up! You have written another winner! I thought I had joined YOUR fan club. I just tried and it kicked me back to my log-in. Looks like I've been fired. I'm gonna write somethin on your website anyways. Peace, Mr. James
» left by Myla Madson(2,344) Myla Madson (60 days 22 hours ago.)
Thank you for your comments and I understand you not wanting to associate yourself with me by joining my fan club...great excuse though, blame it on technology. lol
» left by James P Krehbiel(1,391) James P Krehbiel (59 days 9 hours ago.)
Myla,
My password automatically came up when I logged in and I thought it showed that I was not a fan of yours. I was puzzled because I love your writing but it kicked me back to the login area. I re-entered my password and bingo! I have been a member of your fan club for some time. No excuses necessary. Just human error on my part. Peace to you, james
» left by Jean Horst(1,041) Jean Horst (60 days 13 hours ago.)
Hi James,
Just a note, in order to join someone's fan club, you have to be logged in to your SearchWarp account. If you were logged in and it still kicked you back, please let us know, that would be an error in the system. Thanks!
» left by sue thom from nj (62 days 18 hours ago.)
hi myla, and just think, you were born with that wit!(whit-i never know) very funny and interesting article. i enjoyed reading it, and i'm glad i don't live next to a rooster,
best regards,
sue
» left by Myla Madson(2,344) Myla Madson (60 days 22 hours ago.)
Thanks for the comments and yes, you are very lucky you don't live next to a rooster, or me and the kiddos for that matter! lol
» left by April Lorier(4,522) April Lorier (62 days 4 hours ago.)
I am so happy to see you're on the front page! My eyes are giving me fits, so it's hard to read all I want to. This was absolutely hysterical. Myla, Dahling, you live in the country now. If the rooster doesn't crow, the hens won't "get the message" and there will be no fertilized eggs! Different rules for the country than for the city! I really laughed at your attempts with your BB gun! We are too much alike, girl! Respond to this comment
» left by Myla Madson(2,344) Myla Madson (60 days 22 hours ago.)
Sorry to hear about your eyes giving you trouble, I hope it is a temporary sort of thing. No worries, you can always hire someone to read my stories to you, you certainally deserve that much at least.
It was great hearing from you again and I hope to contribute more often and as always, thank you for the kind words and encouragement. lol
» left by Kay Elizabeth(1,627) Kay Elizabeth (61 days 18 hours ago.)
Myla, I loved this LOL, thanks for posting it. Being a city gal that moved to the country, I can sure relate! I was trying to contact you, could you email me please via my profile or at editor [at] hillholler dot com? Cheers. Your contact link above doesn't seem to be working and I couldn't find how to on your website. Great piece! :) Respond to this comment
» left by Myla Madson(2,344) Myla Madson (60 days 22 hours ago.)
Another city girl gone country? I came out here to get out from under neighbors and I sware to you I have never had more unannounced visits from "well meaning" snoops getting all up in my business.
Just had to see if I could still talk like a tough guy. Thanks for the positive comments!
» left by Jean Horst(1,041) Jean Horst (60 days 13 hours ago.)
Myla, Kuddos to you for being able to take it in the country! I'm a country girl gone city & I break out in hives at the thought of going back! :) That being said... your article made me laugh out loud - I clearly remember a couple of roosters that really needed that neck thingy!! What a great invention. Wouldn't you just love to know the story behind the invention of that??!! Thanks!
» left by Myla Madson(2,344) Myla Madson (60 days 10 hours ago.)
Thankyou for the positive comments Jean. Country girl gone city, huh? I'm thinking that's probably an easier move. My daughter swares the device does exist to keep a rooster from crowing and although I used some creative liscense with this story, the rooster most certainly has not won..the story is far from over!
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