Drawing on Frank Luntz's book title, "Words That Work: It's Not What You Say, It's What People Hear," it is clear that, regarding "Behaviors That Work," it's not what you do, it's what people perceive. I remember cringing when President George H. W. Bush, "Bush One," glanced at his watch while his opponent took a question during a debate. I felt sure he knew that was something he should not do, a violation of a social skills basic. So why did he do it in view of multitudes of listeners and viewers either in the room or watching the debate on TV? It seems to have been a lapse, which I imagine he later regretted, for the press picked up on it immediately. Reports went flying around the world that the President had rudely done far, far worse than what he'd done, which was the rudeness equivalent of forgetfully staring over the shoulder of someone one is in conversation with--another social skills no-no.
Recently, campaign watchers have noted a twist on a familiar and over-exposed Clinton-Clinton practice, a social skills no-no that I, by the way, learned early in childhood. I was told not to whisper when in a place where it could be taken as an act of exclusion toward others and therefore rude behavior. I don't think my mother put it in those words, but I got the message, and as I grew older I only whispered to her some necessary need for information, like "where's the bathroom?" I knew I should not share secrets in whispers in public, and followed my mother's lead.
The reason elders focus on not deliberately whispering when on view in public is that intentional public whispering is one of numerous behaviors perceived as being designed to elevate one's importance. When adults continually use blatant public whispering, the elders also have said, they come close to insulting others.
What the Clintons have perfected and commonly practiced for decades of their political life is known by some as going a step further, into "deliberate and blatant public whispering." No other political couple or pairs do it as well as they. The problem with perfecting and continually using this habit in public is that it grows stale and raises questions not only of rudeness but of realness. It violates a social-skills rule that some political watchers remember being taught as I was--that whispering when "on view" in public is bad manners.
Now the Clinton whispering style is being perfected in joint appearances of Senators Clinton and Obama. This overdone habit is dangerous, I think, and I suspect that Senator Obama does not feel entirely comfortable with being part of it, although he keeps smiling. It's not at all the same as fist-bumping with his wife on stage, even if they planned it before the evening began.(However, with fist-bumping spreading on television, it, too, is growing stale.)
Has this habit of rudeness through "deliberate and blatant public whispering" flowed over to the McCain camp? I am not aware of it, but I guess it could do so among McCain people not the no-nonsense type he appears to be. One guesses that Miss Manners would advise Senator McCain's camp to build a nice firewall before now and would urge Senator Obama to reform his situation from now on when Mrs. Clinton appears with his campaign. He should urge Mrs. Clinton to find ways other than deliberate whispering in his ear to pass the time when on stage with him in front of thousands. I just don't know how much more blatantly public whispering we can groan through.
I hope it's not too late to revive the practice of politicians waiting 'til they get home to share that important thought or insight that dawned on them on-stage and just couldn't wait to be shared. A whispered word is one thing, but whispered paragraphs...no, no. |
