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I believe we spend so much of our lives trying to escape the painful thoughts and hurtful memories of our day to day existence, that we don't realize how much of our lives could be calmer and more in balance if we would just learn to face reality. Reality is going to happen whether we go along with it or not. The constant tug of war between reality and fantasy starts at birth. We may be hungry, and a nice warm bottle is our fantasy, but the reality is we have to wait until someone figures that out.
We may be wet, and yet again, someone has to be in our reality to know to change our diaper and appease our desire to be dry and comfortable. I remember understanding things, but being too little to talk. I'm not remembering it for the first time, I've remembered it since I was a little girl. I couldn't wait to talk so I could make it known what I was craving at the time. My mother was a strong woman who believed in reality versus fantasy. She was a nurse in intensive care, and then in the gastro intestinal suite, so she saw many things.
If one of her four children got hurt, she was calm and collected and almost always took care of the problem herself. There were a few times she needed the emergency room's assistance! If it were a case of stitches, we weren't to squirm, or jump off the table, or scream. If our fantasy was jumping off the top bunk bed, our reality was to sit still and get stitched up. If our fantasy was to stay home from school and lie on the couch and watch cartoons all day, her reality was, "If you're too sick to go to school, you need to be in bed."
All these lessons on how to deal with reality were being taught, and not looked upon as such. Hindsight can see so clearly how fantasy and reality played a big part in our lives. The fantasy part is easy, everyone can think of something they wish they had. The reality of the situation is, you just may not get what you want, and then what? How will you react? Will you "throw a fit?" Will you argue and become physical? Will you argue, and not become physical? Will you swear and carry on, and maybe pick something up and throw it? What happens when reality kicks your butt?
The fantasy is gone, and reality is left for us to deal with in a way that is not offensive or defensive to the point of abusive behavior. We all need to question whether or not we are capable of being calm in the midst of chaos and frustration, abandonment and financial problems, house foreclosures, and lost jobs, and even the death of loved ones. Do we turn to the church, prayer, friends, family, or drugs and alcohol to try to get that glimpse of fantasy back?
Did you ever notice all the happiness, joy, and excitement when a woman is pregnant? They have their shower, and get all their cute little gifts, and can't wait for the blessed event. Everyone's happy and in fantasy world. Two months go by, and sleepless nights and endless care taking have taken the fantasy out of reality.
However, if we have been raised in a calm way, or we've done some work on ourselves and have learned to deal in the realities of the moment, we will cope in a much more peaceful manner. Every step of life takes thought and action, learning how to let things go and pick your battles can ease your heart rate and stroke level. There are many things we don't want to do, clean the house, go to work, hand over our money to the mortgage companies, rake the leaves, cook dinner, have a cavity filled, go to school, ride the bus, go without money, clothes, shoes, a car, etc.
We can wallow in the self pity, martyr routine, or we can teach ourselves how to take care of reality so we can take the time to relax, knowing that we are dealing with each day as it comes. Almost nothing is as bad as it seems once you're in the midst of it. Except natural child birth, that's in a whole other ball park, and an exception to every rule. I remember with my third, and last, asking the nurse for a hammer to either knock me out, or the doctor. I wanted drugs, and plenty of them, but I was dilating too fast, and it would have been dangerous. Talk about reality. Or insanity.
Nonetheless, I dealt with each moment, and I got through it. When I finally decided that drinking and I didn't mix well, I quit cold turkey, went to twelve step meetings, learned an incredible amount, and haven't touched the stuff in fourteen years. I didn't mix well with alcohol because I was trying to live in a fantasy world, and reality kept butting in. I didn't like the reality, so I kept trying to use things to help me escape to a different plane of thinking, or even better, passing out!
Many circumstances have arisen in these past fourteen years, and I have dealt with the reality of each situation, relying heavily on the coping skills I learned in those meetings, and the strength my mother instilled in me. It's nice to dream and have goals and work towards those goals, but dealing in reality is definitely a priority. You buy a car you really like, and you total it. Your mind and body can run, but they're never gong to hide from the reality that is going on. You'll have to go without a car for a while and learn to use other sources to get you where you need to go. That's dealing in reality.
Fantasy is like a beautiful white cloud skimming across the sky. Reality is like the thunder and lightning that comes an hour later. There is always going to be fantasy versus reality. Nonetheless, we have the power to choose how we will handle each new piece of reality that hits us smack in the forehead, and put the fantasy away for a while.
Susan Thom is the mother of three children, two sons, 17 and 21, and a daughter 22. Writing calms her, and gives her a place to go. By herself! Clears the head and gets it out. She lives in a rural area, with a lake and mountains, her son and her partner, and has loved writing since she was a child.
She certainly hopes you enjoy her take on life, and her style of communicating that in stories.
She has been on a journey of self discovery for twenty years, and has learned many things about the human mind, and how to maintain some semblance of calm and peace within.
If someone reads one of her stories, and relates to her feelings, and maybe gets a suggestion on how she dealt with them in a positive way, that would be the ultimate gift of her writing.
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