I have used the expression, "a bunch of crap" many times but I didn't know people in Russia think that is a tourist attraction.
A monument to the enema has been unveiled at a spa in the southern Russian town of Zheleznovodsk. The 800 pound bronze syringe bulb is held by three angels. Now sometimes when I'm constipated, I pray for a little help but I didn't know there were guardian angels in charge of such relief. I've been praying to the wrong department all this time.
The people in the town won't accept any manure over their monument, claiming the region is famous for its enemas. There seems to be something about the water that makes an enema really work in their area. Over the years, constipated Russians pilgrimage to the holy grail of stool disbursement by the droves. Perhaps someone should test the water for a little bit of crude oil that might actually be the relieving factor.
The spa also has that world famous slogan, "Let's beat constipation and sloppiness with enemas". I guess my grandma didn't know how to work the thing since if anything I recall my childhood enemas as being very sloppy.
The spa's owner said the enema device is eternal and will never change. Well at least not until evolution does something with our butts.
Now I have heard of losing things, even a pet or a car, but I never heard of this before. It seems the St. Labre Indian School in Ashland Montana has lost their herd of 130 bison. Officials checked restrooms, under desks and broom closets but the herd has not been heard from in two weeks. The bison, that are kept to feed the school's children, went missing and only a few of the 1500 pound critters have been found. Authorities fear the bison might have been rustled but that leaves a question to be asked. Doesn't anyone ask a person where they got over 100 bison that they want slaughtered into burgers, chops and tenderloins at the processing plant? Reports that the area fast food places have a slightly different taste in their burgers cannot be confirmed.
I guess if a convenience store doesn't have a drive-thru then it's all right to make one. A woman in Norwalk, California drove her car through the front of a convenience store and ended up halfway down the aisle between the chips, dips and Cheetos. The woman calmly staggered out of her car, opened up the nearby cooler and took out a six pack of her favorite beer to buy. As the clerk got off the phone with police, she asked him if he would take a check. The clerk told the woman he couldn't but that there was an ATM just down the block. It is believed the woman replied, "There used to be an ATM just down the block."
When you're mad, just use whatever is handy. A man in Deland Florida was charged with battery when he threw the evening meal at his mother. Police say the man had been drinking and cooking up some Polish sausage when he got into a heated disagreement with his mom. He then took the package of sausage and flung it at his mom grazing her forehead. Police say the man will be charged with destruction of a perfectly good sausage, failing to properly season the meat and trying to kill mamma with the Kielbasa. As he was carted off to jail it was reported he asked his mother to keep the sausage on low heat till he got back.
A strange name for a town but it has a history behind it. The Minnesota community of Twin Cities has recently changed the name of their town to Nowthen. It seems during the 1890s, a founder of the town, created a list of potential names and wrote, "Nowthen, one of these ought to do.
A not very bright person thought he meant Nowthen and turned it into the U.S. Post office as the official name of the town. After much paperwork, they got it properly named Twin Cities. Modern residents, thinking they were losing the heritage of a huge gaff in intelligence that needs to be reveled in, have changed the name back to Nowthen.
Actually I can see how such a mistake could happen. Stories say that a nurse was asking my dad what my birth name was. At the same moment another nurse was holding me up in the nursery for dad to see for the first time. It took three years to get my name legally changed from, "What the hell is that?"
Freelance writer, columnist, author and writing coach, ex-Chicagoan Mike Fak presently resides in Central Illinois. More information about Mike's services are available at his home website www.mikefak.com
Mike currently writes humor columns for searchwarp bi-weekly and is the managing editor of www.lincolndailynews.com
» left by sue thom from nj (55 days 16 hours ago.)
hi mike, these were funny little tidbits to share with us. they made me smile, especially the last one!
"wthit"...intitials for your father's name for you...ironic that it is so close to wit!
or is it?
best regards,
sue
Disclaimer: All information on this site is
provided for informational purposes only! By no means is any
information presented herein intended to substitute for the advice
provided to you by any health care or other professional or
organization.
